I had to take my Model S in for service yesterday. I could hear loud roars coming from underneath the car.
Tesla said it was normal and coming from the Li- Ion battery.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jan 11 2022
Bloody chickensβ¦
Sorry for the fowl language.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 02 2021
I did it, I finally did it. After 4 years and 92 days I went from being a father, to a dad.
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
π︎ 17k
π
︎ Jan 01 2022
As told by a 4 year old... What has 4 wheels and flies?
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Nov 30 2021
It will be a roar of a time
What do you call a tyrannosaurus that rocks?
^T-ROCKS
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 15 2021
Why was 4 scared to ask out 5?
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Oct 19 2021
Our dad was in the hospital and they asked us his blood type but we couldnβt remember and he didnβt make it.
As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Dec 09 2021
βπ¬πͺπ’π«π·ππ―Γ‘ π’π© 20/4
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Nov 20 2021
Why does the ocean roar?
You'd roar too if your bottom was covered with crabs.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jul 03 2021
The teacher asked Little Jimmy, βif I give you 4 cats today and 2 more tomorrow, how many cats will you have?β Little Jimmy said, βSevenβ The teacher said, βno Jimmy, four plus two equals six. Why did you say seven? Little Jimmy said,
βBecause I already have a cat.β
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Nov 27 2021
Reading to my 4-year old daughter about the body and told her about the kidneys
She smirked and said βyou mean these?β Pointing to her knees βIβve got kid knees right here!β Itβs official, this is definitely my kid π
π︎ 365
π
︎ Dec 28 2021
I felt proud for this one
π︎ 42
π
︎ Dec 28 2021
If the Beatles were French, why would they only have 3 members as opposed to 4?
Instead of John, Paul, George, and Ringo, they would be Jean-Paul, George, and Ringo
π︎ 684
π
︎ Nov 10 2021
At the hospital I was admitted to, apple costs $2, pumpkin $3 and blueberry $4 per slice.
Those are the pie-rates of the care-I-be-in.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Oct 31 2021
I tried explaining to my 4-year-old son that itβs perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants...
But heβs still making fun of me.
π︎ 38
π
︎ Jan 03 2022
4 feet of snow in Lake Tahoe forced the local Chipotle to close, but not before they made one last pun.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Dec 29 2021
What do vampires drink to get drunk ?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jan 05 2022
How to be a great Dad! Check below for my 4 Keys to Success.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 04 2022
I called the tinnitus helplineβ¦
π︎ 743
π
︎ Oct 05 2021
Why was the antivaccineβs 4 year old child crying?
π︎ 48
π
︎ Dec 12 2021
Everytime I was at the restaurant I could order a bloody steak
I thought it was pretty rare
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 30 2021
A man gets into a cab, tapps the driver lightly on the shoulder and the driver runs out of the car screaming bloody murder
After a while, he comes back and says: "I'm sorry, sir. This is my first day as a cab driver. The last 12 years I've driven a hearse..."
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jul 14 2021
I live next to the rubbish dump and have a huge fly problem, the bloody things are everywhere. It's gotten so bad I've decided to sell my house and move...
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jun 04 2021
Uma Thermos
π︎ 48
π
︎ Nov 10 2021
I was hunting a lion the other day and I really needed to fart. I held it in because I didn't want him to smell me coming.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 12 2021
4.7m dads on this subreddit.
Wow.
Some of you are really tall.
π︎ 170
π
︎ Nov 08 2021
The Comcast guy said he would be at my house between 4 and 6,
but he was mean and showed up at 5.
π︎ 240
π
︎ Oct 28 2021
4 tips for guys for successful relationships
Itβs really important to find a woman that you love and who loves you the same.
Itβs really important to find a woman that sexually excites you and that she feels the same about you.
Itβs really important to find a woman who will care for you and that you will care for her, in sickness and in health.
Itβs absolutely fucking vital that these three women do not know each other.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Nov 29 2021
My five year old daughter, wearing a Sleeping Beauty dress, casually playing with Legos: "ROAR ROAR ROARRRR!"
Me: "Are you roaring at me or is that a Lego monster?"
Her: "Its me."
Me: "Why are you roaring at me?"
Her: "Because I'm Aurora!"
My five year old daughter, everyone. She came up with that on her own. I've never felt more proud!
π︎ 168
π
︎ Aug 21 2020
My dad died today, he needed a blood transfusion but we didn't know what his blood type was.
As he was dying he kept yelling "Be positive!" but it's hard without him.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Sep 08 2021
Jack owed Johnny a dime. Jack brought Johnny a nickel and 4 pennies. Johnny replied,
βHey, donβt give me that nine cents!β
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 28 2021
What did Rule #6 say after seeing the ICU joke reposted for the 6th time in 4 days ?
Rule #6: "What ! Am I a joke to you ?"
Dads on this sub too busy reposting to read the rules: "Hi Joke, I'm Dad"
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 24 2021
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Nov 29 2021
I was in the woods, out hunting wild boar.
I had one in my sights, and I was about to pull the trigger, when suddenly the boar opened its snout and started singing beautifully.
That was its Schweinengesang.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 17 2021
Whatβs green and has 4 wheels?..
Grass. I lied about the wheels.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Nov 29 2021
Whatβs green, fuzzy, has 4 legs and will kill you if it falls out of a tree?
π︎ 656
π
︎ Sep 12 2021
My almost 4 year old just asked me: what did the fiddle say to the food?
I'm going to eat you.
I'm pretty sure that means either I've made a lot of dad jokes that are rubbing off or I'm a good dad, or possibly (fingers crossed) both.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 08 2021
(My 4 yr old unknowingly came up with this) What cheese is really stinky?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 11 2021
Can I tell you something from the bottom of my heart?
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Jul 28 2021
Reddit told me that I spent 4 hours on r/DadJokes this year
Glad they spelled it out in binary - 100
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 13 2021
Why do cows have 4 stomachs?
Just be-cud.
(had flawless execution of this one on my partner last night.)
π︎ 13
π
︎ Dec 02 2021
Why didnβt the detective buy that the victim had been stabbed 5/4 times?
It just wasnβt rational
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 28 2021
Why does the ocean roar?
Youβd roar too if you had crabs on your bottom!
-Every time my grandpa saw the ocean.
π︎ 65
π
︎ Sep 08 2020
What do you get your 4 year old when he keeps swallowing his food whole?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 04 2021
Why didn't 4 ask out 5?
π︎ 274
π
︎ Nov 15 2021
What has 4 wheels and flies?
π︎ 186
π
︎ Oct 29 2021
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