Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.
They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.
I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.
The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.
Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.
The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:
"What's sarong with that?"
I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).
His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.
--Edit-- I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)
--Edit-- Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.
She just really needed a shoulder to crayon
Black eyed peas can sing us a song and chickpeas can only hummus one.
You just say to your family member - "Did you hear someone in the family is part owl?"
They'll reply with "who?" And you look at them with a raised eyebrow.
Tell this joke over dinner if youd like to be the life of the party. You're welcome.
I have 2 half sisters.
It was a real Shih Tzu.
I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.
"Thomas!" she shouted. "Not at the table!"
I said, "No, preferably somewhere a bit comfier."
Try this on for sighs
OnlyFams
“I don’t want to hear any complaining while we are at the winery.”
It’s for Hispanic attacks
He got cussed today.
At least the kids get to see bag dad now.
Me: I don't wanna alarm anyone, but I think someone in this room might be an owl.
Sisters kids: Who? WHO?
Me: gasp OH NO IT'S WORSE THAN I THOUGHT!
cue 2 hours of 4 small kids running around the house like nutcases screaming who at each other
Sister: You don't get to tell my kids dad jokes anymore. You're not even a dad Me: I'm a faux pas
I was out looking at beds with the family.
Wife: "I really like this bed."
Me: "I like it too, but I think this one is bedder."
Today I met Bruce Lee's younger unlucky brother... Unfortunate Lee
Son: K. Pop
I told her I’d look into it.
A pair of vets who care for the wolves find them and try to get in to administer care and clean their wounds.
One says “I can’t go in there.”
“Why not?”
“The place is bloody packed.”
It was the Green Arrow.
Apparently the correct term is “conjoined twins”.
War Grimes
Unless of course they're buried in the same cemetery.
I guess that's how they stay fit though.
All those dead lifts.
It was so good that everyone gave me hive fives
So we let her live.
Imma Be
A Zebra
Because Batman always protects goth-ham
It's all relative
Once you've heard Juan you've heard Jamal
He was so brave and even tried to encourage us, the family around him, with his last breaths. He kept whispering to us to Be Positive.
I'm torn. I'm neither here nor there.
Guess you could call it pop culture
That was before they met Chuck Norris.
The story is long ,bear with me
Try this on for sighs.
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
