Most people are unaware of his famous lumberjack brother, Tim.
If you ask me, it's about time!
Crypt-ocurrency
He called it Kohl's Law.
A ΔΔ·ΔΔ Because Bill Cipher occasionally speaks backwards... this joke sucked. :/
βSir! What kind of a duck do you think I am?!β
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..
"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$1500!" she cried, "$1500 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $50, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $1500."
Aretha Franklins.
Edit: Glad you all enjoyed this! I hope everyone is having a good holiday!
Tyrannosaurus Checks
Bernadette
The cold shoulder.
β¦guys named Peter must hate guys named Paul.
Bipartisanship
Never change.
No change is expected.
Microsoft
Put it on my bill
Doctor: Keep an eye on him, but you shouldn't expect any change.
"Make me one with everything."
So the hotdog vendor makes him a hotdog with every topping, and the Buddhist hands him a twenty. He proceeds to eat the hotdog, but gets no change for his twenty dollar bill. He says, "Hey, where's my change?"
The hotdog vendor replies, "Change comes only from within."
(Courtesy of my fifty year old husband, who cant go five hecking minutes without making a dad joke)
Bitcoin
Toucan
Those were really dark times
She really has an expensive taste!
They could finally Elongate the Tesla's windows.
You get repossessedβ¦
Edit: Credit: Fozzie Bear - Muppets Haunted Mansion
A Bill-in-air.
But Bill kept the Windows
Doctors donβt expect any change
And put it on my bill
He didnβt have the Al Gore Rhythm
Bill.
Roaming charges.
To cover their butt quacks.
.....I'll gather your upvotes and see my way out.
A Cashew
This is why we can't have Nye stings.
Brian says "I should go first, I will cox some interest out of them"
Neil says "Good idea. I will go in the middle and tyson things together"
Bill says "I will go last, because in the end is nye"
My landlord texted saying we need to meet up and talk about how high my heating bill is. I replied back, 'Sure, my door is always open!
They said their not going to take my shit anymore.
They got no R-E-S-P-E-C-T for a wreath 'a franklins.
"Ah still love Vista Baby....."
Or Josh with them. But try not to Rob or Sue them.
It's... about time.
It's about time!
Bernadette.
You get repossessed
Bernadette
