Bestial Devastation Puns

Across the infernal moors and the hellish mountains marches an army. An army of sin and blood. An army bound by hatred and cruelty. An army under the command of The Red Lord, The Monarch of All, The King of The Crumbling Skies, The Father of Demons, The Demon Sultan, The Emperor of The Shadows, The Patron Saint of Sadism, The Jarl of Hell, The Bearer of Sin, The Black Khan, The Beast From The Depths, The Master of Entropy, The God of Madness, Knath-I'Gorah. His avatar weaves its vile presence and shouts terrifying orders to its dark soldiers.

Powerful, wise and cruel dragons beat their wings and breath hellfire down on their foes. Hordes of humanoid flesh demons, creatures born as half-men and half-beast with some melded with their weapons and gear shriek and roar and slaughter all who stand against them. Wave after wave of zombies, skeletons and ghouls hiss, rip apart and eat their enemies and spread diseases and plagues that only grow more potent and deadly as time goes on. Reptilian and canine beasts as tall as mountains and as fierce as volcanoes with hides of steel and claws and teeth of fire smash into the enemy, bringing death and terror in their wake. Beings of crimson skin and hellish spikes who wield mystical powers of both demonic and angelic nature rain down magical destruction on opposing armies and heal their own of any damage the enemy might manage to inflict them with. Tentacle demons of the shadows shapeshift themselves to break their foes from within, open portals and rifts to other worlds and drown their enemies beneath suffocating, pitch-black water. Green goblins and red imps sneak behind enemy lines to assassinate important and powerful individuals, destroy and sabotage the defenses and rob and steal supplies. Horned, winged and ever-beautiful succubi seduce their enemies, claw them apart and erode their sanity with their poisonous kiss. Large, armored and cloaked skeleton priests enforce discipline and morale, control and manipulate mortal puppets both directly and indirectly and cause devastation on the battlefield through psychic might. Mouthless void humanoids warp and disturb the battlefield through void mysticism. Humanoid elk skeletons command powers of corrupted shamanism and druidism. Unholy sentient demon robots and machines crush their foes, obliterate their enemies with a myriad of demonic guns and weapons and burn their armies asunder with hellfire, lava and burning rocks and oil. Demon hybrids between men and goats whos

With the new album out, I've been going through Exodus' discography properly and loving it. Now with Bonded By Blood, the original sounds fine, actually pretty good imo, so I don't get why they rerecorded it.

however when I got to Pleasures of the Flesh, it got me thinking:

This is an album that deserves the LTBB treatment. It sounds like shit to me, is a bit flat sounding, but all the songs are good and deserve a better production.

Then I started thinking about what other albums would deserve a rerecording which maintains the original energy/song structure.

So, what do you guys think? What other album deserves either a proper remaster/remix or rerecording?

Of the top of my head for me:

Exodus - Pleasures of the Flesh

Sepultura - Morbid Visions/Bestial Devastation (with the original lineup at their peak, suspend disbelief lol)

Overkill - Under the Influence

I don’t know how many of my next stories about our Gods will be about this war. But I think I will make three. I have been waiting for a chance to bring a few of my ideas regarding humans and war in my little universe into the light, and now that I have the perfect setup, well, you will get to read it anyways, so, have fun and please tell me what you think of approach. I always love to read the comments.

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Humanity’s twisted Gods – Part 6

War – part 1

Victory: “We have received word from the Zind’ralata on Gradulo VI. They have been conquered and imprisoned, possibly enslaved, because they have friendly relations with us. We also have received information regarding who is stationed there from our spies. The Kelturian Skullguard has been redirected to reclaim that world. We can expect to hear their report next week.”

Hunger: “And what about Linadu II? As far as I know, Xalatrus’s forces have been stationed there. He is a weird one, but even that makes no sense at all! That world holds no tactical value and the Glinahatu have hardly any contact besides regular neutral trade with humanity!”

Death: “Remember project deathworld-to-home?”

Hunger: “Oh come on, don’t tell me THAT is why.”

Conflict: “It is. It should give the Dunarian Warrovers a bit of a challenge. I heard that the defences on Linadu II have been modified by the new occupants to offer more of a challenge to ground assaults. Perfect for a field test of the new defence-bypass-tactic from the Warrovers before we use it on the front.”

Death: “Hm? Yeah? Aha. What? …we…we will see what we can do.”

Hunger: “What is it?”

Death: “The…the rescue operative forwarded a call for help to us, that they can’t follow. The gardenworld Yrpotlax in the outer ring sector 7 has been…conquered by Brl’naklara.”

Hunger: “WHAT?”

Death: “The Zitrunians have been imprisoned. They are either used as entertainment in the newly constructed arena, as training dummies, or are slaughtered just for fun. The message has been sent by a Zitrunian that managed to escape and enter the quasi-guarantied rescue act com-tower.”

Riders: “…”

Conflict: “I am leaving.”

Victory: “Where to?”

Conflict: “The F

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Beastmen units, like Tomb Kings units, do not cost anything to recruit or upkeep, but have a limited cap. Ungor Spearmen and bowmen are the "cheap, infinite" units

Razing settlements now give a special currency called herdstones shards.
Once enough shards have been obtained, you can use them to erect a Herdstone at a settlment you raze.
Herdstones functions as mini-settlements, very basic, only a level 1 building.
Creating a Herdstone marks the regions around it as Blood-Ground
Each settlement in a Blood-Ground has a number above it, depending on the level of the settlment (in the stream a tier 1 settlment was 4). That number is the Devastiation level.
Razing a settlment around a herstone will add its Devastation level to the herdstone (so if you raze a Tier 1 settlment, your Herdstone's Devastation will go from 4 to 8)
As soon as a Herstone's Devastation reaches 10, you can start a ritual (but you can wait until the number is higher).
Once the ritual is completed, any uninhabited ruins in the surrounding blood-grounds can only be recolonized if the Herdstone is destroyed
You also will regain a number of herdstone Shards once the ritual is done, enough to create another herdstone somewhere else.
When the ritual is completed, the herdstone's devastation level will be converted to marks of ruination (so if your Heardstone's Devastation was 12, you will gain 12 Marks of Ruinations)
The Marks of ruination works similarly to Marku's Acclaim bar, in that filling it gives increasing boni (more hero/army/unit capacity, cheaper horde buildings)
Filling the marks of ruination meter unlocks the final battle.

Another ressource called Dread.
Dread is won by fighting battles.
Dread can be used similarly to the Tomb Kings canopic jars, to increase hero capacity, unlock some technologies, Lords, heroes, "permanent upgrades".

Bestial Rage is still present, but now only impacts Horde Growth (and some "additional effects" if you're at the highest tier)

Technologies are unlock by completing challenges (the two they showed required winnig 5 ambush battle and winning 4 battles in a single turn respectively.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

And boy are my arms legs.

Welcome to The Null City. So, you are the new tra-

What?

Oh lovely. They've send me a mo-ron. Listen closely. I get that this whole situation is a bit much, even for an experienced traveller like you. But if you really want to make a fortune here, you have to adapt. As quickly as possible. Luckily, I am going to help you.

Why? Heh...let's call it a future investment.

Now, first and foremost you must remember one thing. You are no longer in your home Galaxy. You are in Commorragh, the clusterfuck of realms so big that it is beyond my ability to even describe it. You are at the heart of interdimensional cancer.

>In the depths of the webway lies Commorragh, named by many in fearful whispers as the Dark City. Commorragh is to the greatest megalopolises of realspace as a soaring mountain is to a mound
>
>of termites. Its dimensions would be considered impossible if they could be read by conventional means, its population greater than that of whole star systems.
>
>Although called a city, Commorragh is more akin to a vast collection of satellite realms linked by myriad portals and hidden pathways, its far-flung nodes spread throughout the arteries of the webway like a malevolent virus. While inside that labyrinth dimension the gap between each sub-realm can be crossed with a single step, Commorragh’s clustered concentrations are in reality scattered across the galaxy, in some cases thousands of light-years apart.

Codex: Drukhari (8th edition)

>The realm of Commorragh (...) spread outward into the void, consuming other webway port-cities, private estates and sub-realms with each new expansion, growing even larger and more impressive as it fed on plundered wealth.
>
>The outer districts of Low Commorragh are so many and varied that one cannot possibly visit them all in a single lifetime. Even to attempt to catalogue them would be fatal, for the Dark Eldar are highly territorial and tend to kill intruders on sight, if only to pass the time.

Codex: Dark Eldar (5th edition)

So if you are overly ambitous little idiot, then do yourself a favour and come back to the realspace. Out there you might be important but here you are not a real deal. Commorragh itself is an apex predator, wild and untamed....well, with one exception. But trust me, you are not that guy.

Well, you are probably wondering - if this city-realm really is so horrible, then why are you still alive? That's because we are in a

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

Across the infernal moors and the hellish mountains marches an army. An army of sin and blood. An army bound by hatred and cruelty. An army under the command of The Red Lord, The Monarch of All, The King of The Crumbling Skies, The Father of Demons, The Demon Sultan, The Emperor of The Shadows, The Patron Saint of Sadism, The Jarl of Hell, The Bearer of Sin, The Black Khan, The Beast From The Depths, The Master of Entropy, The God of Madness, Knath-I'Gorah. His avatar weaves its vile presence and shouts terrifying orders to its dark soldiers.

Powerful, wise and cruel dragons beat their wings and breath hellfire down on their foes. Hordes of humanoid flesh demons, creatures born as half-men and half-beast with some melded with their weapons and gear shriek and roar and slaughter all who stand against them. Wave after wave of zombies, skeletons and ghouls hiss, rip apart and eat their enemies and spread diseases and plagues that only grow more potent and deadly as time goes on. Reptilian and canine beasts as tall as mountains and as fierce as volcanoes with hides of steel and claws and teeth of fire smash into the enemy, bringing death and terror in their wake. Beings of crimson skin and hellish spikes who wield mystical powers of both demonic and angelic nature rain down magical destruction on opposing armies and heal their own of any damage the enemy might manage to inflict them with. Tentacle demons of the shadows shapeshift themselves to break their foes from within, open portals and rifts to other worlds and drown their enemies beneath suffocating, pitch-black water. Green goblins and red imps sneak behind enemy lines to assassinate important and powerful individuals, destroy and sabotage the defenses and rob and steal supplies. Horned, winged and ever-beautiful succubi seduce their enemies, claw them apart and erode their sanity with their poisonous kiss. Large, armored and cloaked skeleton priests enforce discipline and morale, control and manipulate mortal puppets both directly and indirectly and cause devastation on the battlefield through psychic might. Mouthless void humanoids warp and disturb the battlefield through void mysticism. Humanoid elk skeletons command powers of corrupted shamanism and druidism. Unholy sentient demon robots and machines crush their foes, obliterate their enemies with a myriad of demonic guns and weapons and burn their armies asunder with hellfire, lava and burning rocks and oil. Demon hybrids between men and goats whos

Across the infernal moors and the hellish mountains marches an army. An army of sin and blood. An army bound by hatred and cruelty. An army under the command of The Red Lord, The Monarch of All, The King of The Crumbling Skies, The Father of Demons, The Demon Sultan, The Emperor of The Shadows, The Patron Saint of Sadism, The Jarl of Hell, The Bearer of Sin, The Black Khan, The Beast From The Depths, The Master of Entropy, The God of Madness, Knath-I'Gorah. His avatar weaves its vile presence and shouts terrifying orders to its dark soldiers.

Powerful, wise and cruel dragons beat their wings and breath hellfire down on their foes. Hordes of humanoid flesh demons, creatures born as half-men and half-beast with some melded with their weapons and gear shriek and roar and slaughter all who stand against them. Wave after wave of zombies, skeletons and ghouls hiss, rip apart and eat their enemies and spread diseases and plagues that only grow more potent and deadly as time goes on. Reptilian and canine beasts as tall as mountains and as fierce as volcanoes with hides of steel and claws and teeth of fire smash into the enemy, bringing death and terror in their wake. Beings of crimson skin and hellish spikes who wield mystical powers of both demonic and angelic nature rain down magical destruction on opposing armies and heal their own of any damage the enemy might manage to inflict them with. Tentacle demons of the shadows shapeshift themselves to break their foes from within, open portals and rifts to other worlds and drown their enemies beneath suffocating, pitch-black water. Green goblins and red imps sneak behind enemy lines to assassinate important and powerful individuals, destroy and sabotage the defenses and rob and steal supplies. Horned, winged and ever-beautiful succubi seduce their enemies, claw them apart and erode their sanity with their poisonous kiss. Large, armored and cloaked skeleton priests enforce discipline and morale, control and manipulate mortal puppets both directly and indirectly and cause devastation on the battlefield through psychic might. Mouthless void humanoids warp and disturb the battlefield through void mysticism. Humanoid elk skeletons command powers of corrupted shamanism and druidism. Unholy sentient demon robots and machines crush their foes, obliterate their enemies with a myriad of demonic guns and weapons and burn their armies asunder with hellfire, lava and burning rocks and oil. Demon hybrids between men and goats whos