I can’t believe it’s not butter!
I can’t believe it’s been more than 100 years since Einstein published his Theory of Relativity.
It seems like just yesterday.
I can’t believe it’s not...
I don't know whether dumpling-shaped pasta made of potato flour exists, but I'll believe it when I see it.
You can say I'm agnocchic.
Believe it or not, my wife appreciates my input when we go shopping for decorations...
...the one thing I actually look forward to when we go to Hobby Lobby is the moment we're walking through the store, I try to keep a perfectly straight face and act like I have a genuine interest in something on the shelf, I reach up and I say something like, "Oh, look at this nice little Stool sample!"
(Not really a joke, but a true dad joke recurring scenario of mine)
Believe it.....
My wife and I just had our first child! (Well, she had him and I stood there all supportive like) Gibson is 10 weeks old now and ready for meme glory. https://imgur.com/gallery/NOL14WO
I’m so glad 2020 is over, but I can’t believe we have to go through it again after 2021...
After all, it’s twenty twenty too
The Titanic II is a modern-day replica of the RMS Titanic and is scheduled to set sail in 2022. It's creators do not believe it will relive the tragedy of it's predecessor because
that was an ice-olated incident.
I believe it is absolutely nessesery to teach our childer calculus.
It's an integral part of education.
There was a time before electricity believe it or not.
People at our Christmas party were impressed when I showed off my incredibly detailed tattoo, but they didn't believe me when I tell them I got it done in Madrid.
Nobody expected the Spanish ink precision.
Believe it of not, the punchline is 22,112. "Wun-Wun" was one horse, "Tu-Tu" was one too. Wun-Wun won one race,
I know you won't believe me, but its two
It's hard to believe March 12th is already National Pancake Day!
It really crêped up on us this year didn't it!
Today I insisted that my son had a hole in his shoe. He didn't believe me and kept looking and looking, took it off and inspect it. He yelled "There is no hole in there at all!"
So I yelled back "Then how did your foot get in there!"
This just happened: I explained to my 11 year-old niece that wheat pennies are/were a thing. She didn’t believe me, so she looked it up on grandma’s phone. To our surprise, we learned that there are some people selling wheat pennies online for *thousands* to *TENS* *of* *thousands* of dollars.
To which I said, “That doesn’t make cents.”
"I can't believe it's not butter" is a really great name for the product
I couldn't describe it butter myself
Why does Yoda believe that it's five who is afraid of seven?
I can't believe they gave that engineer who wrecked the train in New York the electric chair. And he survived it!
I guess he just wasn't a very good conductor.
Can you believe it says in the Bible that men should make their wife’s coffee everyday?
Yup, it’s right there in Hebrews.
I didn't believe it when my son said I could cut a log in half by just looking at it.
But then I saw it with my own two eyes.
My friend Adam was telling me how, in addition to marrying a hot super model whose daddy bought the house he lives in and the car he drives just for marrying his daughter, he was also sexing up a hot stewardess. I found it hard to believe...
Because Adams make up everything!
In this time of crisis I believe it is our duty as a community to make a rapid respons team to help the rest of the world!
We will be known as the rapid respuns
It’s been almost 15 years since the show ended, and I can’t believe people are still making Friends references.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
My friend claims that he “accidentally” glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe it.
But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.
It's hard to believe, but 40 - 32 / 2 = 4!
As my wife was cleaning out the closet, she suddenly shouted excitedly, "Can you believe it?! After 10 years and it still fits!"
I laughed, "Babe, it's a scarf!"
This boy handed me an explosive and told me that it's a real explosive. I looked at it and said, "I don't believe you, kid."
Can you believe Trump wants to ban shakers of parmesan from supermarket shelves, only allowing it to be sold in wedge form?
He says he wants to make America grate again.
Believe me, it goes even deeper...
OMG, I can't believe Trump wanted Turkey to reveal it's tactics for capturing eight-legged, two-tentacled sea creatures!!!
He tried to do it squid pro quo.
What do you call it when a shit takes a stand for what it believes in?
I can’t believe it’s not butter
Every once in a while I buy the wrong kind of imitation butter at the grocery store. It’s ok though. It’s still within my margarine of error
Does this belong here? I believe it belongs here.
I can't believe we still make pennies when it costs more than they're worth.
You may not believe that the Canadian PM once wore black-face, but it's Trudeau.
On a scale from "I can't believe it's not butter" to "that's definitely butter"
I'd say my day could have been butter.
I just can’t believe I posted this to discord, and now it’s on reddit
I got an early flight home so I decided to surprise my wife. Got home about 10 PM. Walked in my bedroom, and to my COMPLETE surprise, there is my wife in bed with my best friend. I couldn't believe it.
I then yelled for my dog to get off the bed.
I can't believe the girls at school can't wear tank tops, it totally violates the second amendment...
Don't they have a right to bare arms?
I couldn't believe it when my wife asked me if I wanted to try Yoda classes.
I was really confused when I showed up to the first class and they were all stretching.
I believe if we had a race around the world, it should end in Europe...
I can’t believe it’s been more than a hundred years since Einstein proposed his Theory of Relativity.
It feels like only yesterday.
I can’t believe it’s been more than a hundred years since Einstein proposed his Theory of Relativity.
It feels like it was only yesterday.
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