I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker

But when I got home all the signs were there

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/piemamamer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend claims the he accidentally glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.

But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Those who believe in the calendar are going to die soon,

...their days are numbered.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/neon_moonlite
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
🚨︎ report
I couldn't believe that someone said they were going to turn me into an animal.

It really gave me paws.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iMakeCrap
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
🚨︎ report
I can't believe I've become attracted to statues...

Now I've really hit rock bottom.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrowsyDuck005
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m so glad 2020 is over, but I can’t believe we have to go through it again after 2021...

After all, it’s twenty twenty too

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zippy_the_dog
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't believe in bros before hoes or hoes before bros. There needs to a balance.

A homie-hoe-stasis if you will.

πŸ‘︎ 959
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
The Titanic II is a modern-day replica of the RMS Titanic and is scheduled to set sail in 2022. It's creators do not believe it will relive the tragedy of it's predecessor because

that was an ice-olated incident.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wmd1234
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I can’t believe I wasted all my time trying to help rearrange the vending machines at my local grocery store...

I’ve been moving them around all day but they still say they are β€œOut of Order”

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
When are Egyptian fishermen less likely to believe what their are told? /r/Jokes/comments/km3t07/…
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/badaloop
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I believe it is absolutely nessesery to teach our childer calculus.

It's an integral part of education.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotaLegFinger
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I can't believe I was able to trade a piece of fruit for a measuring device.

(Banana for scale)

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NeverBob
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm starting to believe this 'flat earth' thing...

... every photo I've seen of the earth is flat!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fhogrefe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I didn't want to believe my husband was robbing golf courses

But I couldn't ignore the red flags any longer.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/katskratched
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend joined a cult who believe that we’ll all turn to water and be evaporated into a bigger life force...

I said... you’ll be mist...

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Londoner1982
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the Pharaoh refuse to believe his son had drowned?

Because he was in The Nile

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoNocive
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to believe my son when he said he was not stealing arcs from his geometry class...

But upon checking his backpack, all the sines were there.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
You'd never believe that Hank Hill quit his job at Strickland to become a drug dealer

He now sells cocaine and cocaine accessories

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/forrestree
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I had to use the bathroom. Couldn’t believe someone dropped a deuce right on the floor.
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nosrrttap
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Can you believe that Boeing is going to start building planes out of cardboard to save money?!

We can’t just let things like this fly!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/i_post_gibberish
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I can't believe somebody had the nerve to break into my house and steal my limbo stick.

I mean seriously, how low can you go?

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I'd like to believe I'm okay at art, but
πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/willis00788
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Don't bother reading that "ultimate" workout blog. "You won't believe" their advice is just to walk 1,000 meters a day.

Saved you a klick.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
It's hard to believe March 12th is already National Pancake Day!

It really crΓͺped up on us this year didn't it!

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JaymantheLegend
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I couldn't believe I got to use this

Wife-Can you be serious for a minute?

Me-*grins* Ok and you be Shirley

Wife-I'm serious!

Me-Shirley you can't be Serious, I'm Serious

This actually happened. :)

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Damos1234
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
🚨︎ report
I can't believe my wife wanted me to get rid of my silt collection!

It's like she doesn't understand the sedimental value!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainAmerilard
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve been to a parallel universe where oranges don’t exist, but my friends won’t believe me.

I guess they think it’s pulp fiction.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/daddyflextape
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My Chinese friend refuses to believe that our friend Ty is now the state boxing champion.

The Chinese don’t want to recognize Ty won.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2018
🚨︎ report
I told my son I believe everyone goes to heaven until the resurrection of the saints

He said, "Why just the saints? There's like 31 other football teams."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Horton780
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
This just happened: I explained to my 11 year-old niece that wheat pennies are/were a thing. She didn’t believe me, so she looked it up on grandma’s phone. To our surprise, we learned that there are some people selling wheat pennies online for *thousands* to *TENS* *of* *thousands* of dollars.

To which I said, β€œThat doesn’t make cents.”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/High_Speed_Chase
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I firmly believe that rye is superior to pumpernickel in every way.

...thank you for attending my bread talk.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SawdustnRust
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I said to my wife, "I refuse to believe our son got fired for theft as a road worker!"

My wife replied, "Come on Simon, the signs were all there."

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/insideout97
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My health insurance company refused to pay my bill because I believe in reincarnation.

They said I have a pre existing condition.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to believe a ocean of orange soda existed...

...turns out it was just a fanta sea

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joemiley
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend Adam was telling me how, in addition to marrying a hot super model whose daddy bought the house he lives in and the car he drives just for marrying his daughter, he was also sexing up a hot stewardess. I found it hard to believe...

Because Adams make up everything!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I refuse to believe that my road work father was stealing from his job.

But when i got home all the signs were there.

πŸ‘︎ 101
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kundan_n
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop

But when I got home all the signs were there

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeonsaltoYT
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
🚨︎ report
I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing stuff from his highway maintenance job.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Turbulent-Use7253
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing street names right off the posts.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ulvain
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Papa_G_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I never wanted to believe that my brother was stealing from his job as a road worker

but when I got home, all the signs were there

πŸ‘︎ 668
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlashHash
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I refused to believe my son got fired as a road worker for theft.

But when I got home, all the signs were there

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/edotri
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend claims that he β€œaccidentally” glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.

But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend claims that he "accidentally" glued himself to his autobiography, but I don't believe him.

But that's his story and he's sticking to it.

πŸ‘︎ 168
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I can't believe I'm about to post this

This

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I didn’t want to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker

But when I got home, all the signs were there

πŸ‘︎ 173
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/erinusagi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
🚨︎ report

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