What is grey, has four legs, howls at the moon, and eats cement?
A wolf...
I just added the cement to make it hard.
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︎ May 17 2021
Whatβs big, grey, and asks a lot of questions?
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︎ Apr 09 2021
I was out on a safari when i saw this big, fat, grey animal limping painfully toward a muddy pond. I asked the tour guide if it was injured...
He said, "No, it's just a hip-hurt-potamus"
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︎ May 05 2021
A curious child asked her mom, "why are you starting to get some grey hairs in with all your dark hair?"
Seizing this as a moral teaching moment she tells her daughter this little white lie, "Well young lady, when a daughter does something naughty, one of her mother's hairs turns grey."
After several moments of deep thought her daughter says to her mother, "So, mommy is that why all of grandma's hair is grey????"
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︎ Apr 08 2021
I tried Earl grey today
It wasnβt my cup of tea
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︎ Mar 12 2021
Well well well..
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︎ Apr 16 2021
Greys of Thunder.
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︎ Feb 07 2021
Conor McGregor hates Cinco de Mayo...
It's nothing personal, he just cant stand Mayweather.
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︎ May 05 2021
What's grey and powdery?
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︎ Feb 19 2021
I used to read pirated editions of J.R.R. Tolkien.
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︎ Jun 02 2021
My girlfriend wanted to get vaccinated in Rio de Janeiro but instead lost all her hair
She asked for the Brazilian vax
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︎ May 12 2021
I'll be bringing my Cinco de Mayo leftovers to work tomorrow.
Looks like it'll be tacos de reincarne for lunch!
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︎ May 06 2021
My friend always told me to try different types of tea instead of drinking only Earl Grey.
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︎ Dec 10 2020
My favorite song goes a little something like this: "De Spa..."
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︎ Apr 07 2021
A few famous Doctors. Others include Dr. House and Dr. Meredith Grey.
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︎ Aug 25 2020
Asked my kids this morning to bring their laundry and separate it into whites and colors. My son holds up some grey sweats and asks which pile.
My response: Not sure son, thatβs kind of a grey area.
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︎ Dec 19 2020
What do you call a dead musician?
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︎ Jun 01 2021
When asked if he had family in Salt Lake City, Robert de Niro replied,
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︎ Apr 10 2021
What do you call a jar of Miracle Whip thatβs falling to the bottom of the ocean in early May?
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︎ Jun 08 2021
A cheese factory had exploded in France
There was nothing left but de Brie.
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︎ May 07 2021
Where does the alcoholic swim?
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︎ Jun 06 2021
Whatβs big and grey and doesnβt matter?
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︎ Jun 02 2020
Can anyone advise me what colour my hair is?
I find itβs a bit of a grey area.
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︎ Jun 04 2021
The other day, I amputated a dolphin's feet
I feel like it kind of de-feeted the porpoise
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︎ Jun 14 2021
Arkansas is the only state mentioned in the Bible.
βNoah walked out onto the ark and saw....β
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︎ Nov 08 2020
What kind of ant smells the best?
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︎ Mar 14 2021
Wolverine walks in on Jean Grey sneezing without covering her mouth..
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︎ Oct 05 2020
My son asked me to make a joke about totopos de maiz...
I said the joke would be too corny
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︎ Feb 28 2021
What do you say the second time you have Grey Poupon?
π︎ 5
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︎ Sep 05 2020
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
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︎ Oct 05 2020
Can someone recommend a better way of de-icing my windshield?
I used a discount card but I only got 20% off.
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︎ Feb 22 2021
Hide N' Seek
I once knew this kid who grew up in the same suburban cul de sac as I did. He was hounding the kids in our little community to play hide and seek with him, but we were too busy playing tag and cops 'n' robbers to want to change games, and honestly the kid was a little strange.
One time, we were bored on a Sunday and this kid comes around and asks if we wanna play hide and seek. To the kids surprise, we all got up and followed him to this place he knew about called the abandoned airfield.
We had the best time playing with him, but he kept hiding behind one of the hangars and he would always get found first. I asked him why he kept hiding in the same place, to which he responded:
"My dad always said that the best place to hide something is in plane site."
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︎ Jun 30 2021
What is blue and not heavy?
Light blue
Edit: Thank you fellow internet strangers for all the awards!
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︎ Sep 04 2020
9yo shared this one with me: What do you call a cow who just had a baby?
De-calf-inated!
Edit: it's been pointed out some people pronounce calf as cΔlf, so its taking a second. Pronounce it like decaffeinated coffee.
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︎ Feb 24 2021
What do you call a cow who has just given birth?
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︎ May 30 2021
How did the smoker feel when he quit smoking?
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︎ Jun 01 2021
How do you make a candle happy?
Blow it out. Then it will be de-lighted!
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︎ Jun 14 2021
I think my postman is an organ donor.
His truck says, βWe deliver for you.β
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︎ Mar 10 2021
[OC] What happens if you explode a wheel of cheese?
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︎ Jun 19 2021
If your ever in a sword fight, try to chop their feet off
Then you will de-feet him
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︎ Apr 08 2021
What's yellow, grey and very dangerous?
A shark in a bowl of custard.
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︎ Jul 12 2020
What job would spiders most likely get into?
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︎ Mar 12 2021
Whatβs Grey and not very heavy?
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︎ Apr 03 2020
My wife had just put expensive new silk bedding on the bed...
... along with a cashmere blanket. It seemed odd, but on top of all of that she put a cheap thin sheet woven from flax fibers. I was standing by the dresser and accidentally bumped a hot pot of Earl Grey, spilling it all over the bed. My wife told me not to worry. Amazingly, despite the amount that I had spilled, none of it got onto the fancy blanket or bedding. I was completely befuddled, so she explained, "Brewed tea is only linen deep."
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︎ May 31 2021
Barber: Mr. Bond, you are turning old and grey. Would you like me to colour your hair?
Janes Bond: No thanks. Dye another day.
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︎ Dec 27 2019
I manage to cut off my enemies leg during a sword fight
The enemy: aww, you de-feeted me
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︎ May 28 2021
My wife bought me fancy Swiss Cologne for our anniversary.
Itβs called Eau De Lay He Who!
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︎ May 28 2021
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