Thanksgiving was a brutal NFL day. It was an absolute tragedy displayed. It made Oedipus seem lighthearted. Next year, I petition we get a Premier League slate in return for suffering through watching the goddam Detriot Lions every single Thanksgiving Thursday. The EPL has no idea how much bread they could rake in with Thursday matches on the most American holiday outside of the 4th of July. Anyway, what's going in England these days? (note: this is updated as of the December 2 Prem Table. November's end rankings were different but it's in order of the current standings)
Chelsea: Trains need oil every now and then. Eventually, they have to come to a halt. Chelsea is trying to avoid that. November was not horrible by any means, but...if the flaws were being masked quite well before, now is where they're starting to show. Lukaku has been absent through injury but when healthy was in suspect form. Kai Havertz can't find anything worth a damn these days. Pulisic came back from an international break where he almost reignited the Mexican-American war but was still cast to the bench. Tuchel is known to be stubborn in his ways, but it's what makes him successful. Drawing against Burnley though...what's your reasoning for that, mate? Leicester you should beat, but you couldn't take all 3 points against the meh United team? I know you think I'm being cynical but I doubt every manager equally. Not to mention, this is reinforcing a lot of old narratives about Chelsea.
Manchester City: Silva has made himself known in Manchester. The other Silva that is. Bernardo has filled well in the role of his former Spanish comrade David especially in the absence of the true striker City doesn't have. He's taken his game to a brand new height as City continues to move along. So again, why the hell did they buy Jack Grealish? He's been injured, I know but what does he really do that someone like Gundogan, Foden, Silva, or De Bruyne does? He's not taking Sterling's spot at LW now and I found it kind of interesting Pep's giving runs to youth teamers like Cole Palmer and Liam Delap over the money man Grealish. City has gotten on fine without him as they picked up wins at United, against Everton, West Ham, and Villa. Shocked, aren't we? We will all groan about the Prem letting them get away with their transfer BS if they win another title. But then again, football is cruel.
Liverpool: Hmm, I didn't think you'd hit a roadblock as you did with West Ham. No matter, move alo
... keep reading on reddit ➡I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Do your worst!
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
They’re on standbi
Pilot on me!!
A play on words.
Nothing, he was gladiator.
Or would that be too forward thinking?
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
When I got home, they were still there.
I won't be doing that today!
Where ever you left it 🤷♀️🤭
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
[Removed]
There hasn't been a post all year!
You take away their little brooms
It was about a weak back.
It’s pronounced “Noel.”
After all his first name is No-vac
What, then, is Chinese rap?
Edit:
Notable mentions from the comments:
-
Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits
-
French/Finnish art
-
Country/Canadian rap
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Chinese/Country/Canadian rock
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Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap
Today's additions are:
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The Body and BIG|BRAVE - Leaving None But Small Birds (Tags: devotional, Portland) [Thrill Jockey]
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Bon Enfant - Diorama (Tags: country, montréal, rock, psych folk, Montreal) [Duprince]
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Danny Kamins Solo - Disruptor (Tags: jazz, avant-garde, Houston) [Danny Kamins]
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Enslaved - Caravans To The Outer Worlds (Tags: metal, extreme metal, Bergen) [Nuclear Blast]
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[Full of Hell - Garden of Burning Apparitions (Tags: death metal, grindcore, hardcore, metal, noise, Ocean City) [Relapse]](https://fullofhell.bandcamp.com/album/gar
There hasn't been a single post this year!
(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)
