It's usually pretty dead.
I just need to vent about it for a bit
Queen bee: Silence! Beehive yourselves!
After two weeks the angel came back and reported his findings to God. "It's not good, 95% of the population is bad and only 5% is good"
God thinks about it and decides to send a second angel just to get a different perspective. Two weeks later that angel comes back and reports the same thing. 95% bad, 5% good.
God thinks on this for a bit and decides that he has to do something. He settled on sending an email of encouragement to the 5% of the population that is good to encourage them they are on the right track and to keep up the good work.
Do you know what the email said? No? Me either, we must be part of the 95%!
Pega-sus.
Hey. Don't say Je's-looking-Sus bro
Surely that must be a record.
An impasta
Among Eu.
Me: Sure, what are you playing?
The Dim Reaper?
Dad: Sure, but what are we playing?
I was killed by the impsta on my first game
Impawstor
Police brew Tally tea.
I dunno if the Crip-toe currency will take off or not.
Lovely man. Terrible cabinet maker.
F.D. Arrrrrrrr!!!
so I have to make every second count.
if he’s even alive bi den.
The Kamasutra is more specific
he said "namaste"
The cops are currently looking into it.
He was so brave and even tried to encourage us, the family around him, with his last breaths. He kept whispering to us to Be Positive.
Vacuum cleaners have been gathering dirt on us for years.
I asked Dad why and he said: “Only ewe can prevent florist friars”
He said Merry Isthmus!
Because it had oil in it.
T oil et.
I think they should be called as Bill Gates
Aussie Soldier - Nah mate, came 'ere yesterdie.
Minnesota.
Yeah.
Because after the revolutionary war, the freed United States told Britain defiantly, "We're getting rid of you".
we felt bad and unhappy when the attendant said “no indoor fins!”
Papa Roach: “Suffocation. No breathing.”
But chick peas can only hummus one.
The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.
Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.
The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:
"What's sarong with that?"
I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).
His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.
--Edit-- I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)
--Edit-- Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.
"I'm all about that base"
He chews through paper, plastic and the other day he Bitcoins.
We prefer the term "alt-write"
