[meta] I am looking for cringe, dad joke-worthy pickup lines
I (f13) am looking for some cringe pickup lines to tell my friends (male) when I see them on Sunday for the lols,and feel as though you would be the best people to help
Edit: I just realised it would be cool id they were dnd related as we are doing that
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︎ Nov 02 2022
Is that a pun, or am I just sour?
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︎ Nov 04 2022
I just discovered my wife's Tinder profile, and I am so angry about her lies
She is not "fun to be around"
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︎ Sep 20 2022
Ho ho ho! Iβm creeping down your chimney with a hundred legs to bring you gifts. Who am I?
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︎ Nov 15 2022
Guys, I am sick and tired...
of being a hypochondriac with insomnia.
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︎ Oct 24 2022
I had a flat tire last night, but I am too broke to get it fixed.
I have to come up with a retirement plan.
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︎ Oct 15 2022
i am addicted to female heroes in fiction
they're like heroine to me
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︎ Nov 20 2022
Cop: "are you high?" guy: "am I what?" cop: "high"
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︎ Aug 20 2022
An American is typing on a computer when he flies into a rage, shouting "How the hell am I misspelling color"?
A Canadian takes a quick look at the screen before rolling his eyes and walking away, saying "that sounds like a you problem".
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︎ Aug 30 2022
Dad to the airline baggage person: "I want this bag to go to Chicago and this one to New York." "I am sorry sir, we can't do that."
"That's funny, you did that the last time I flew and I never even asked you to."
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︎ Oct 14 2022
Am elderly woman that was hard of hearing went to Kaiser to get her meds. The pharmacist said "That will $111.00." The women misheard it as $11, paid with cash, and left. The pharmacist said to himself.....
"I guess $5 profit is better than nothing."
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︎ Sep 25 2022
There is no reason to tailgate me while I am doing 75 in a 50
and turn off those flashing blue lights on your car. They look RIDICULOUS
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︎ Aug 17 2022
After a coworker lost his leg to bone cancer, I am thinking of starting a business that only sells one shoe out of a pair, to cater to amputees...
I'll call it "Foot Lacker"
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︎ Aug 28 2022
I asked βSiri, why am I so bad with women?β Do you know what she said?
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︎ Sep 22 2022
Why did mathematician wake up at 3:14 am?
He craved a pie.
Original:
He had to pi.
Edit://
Pi works better if you read them letter by letter, and in non-English so Iβm keeping both!
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︎ Oct 02 2022
I am not sure anyone will get this any more, but what do you call it when the VP of Ford becomes a vampire?
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︎ Oct 09 2022
After a hard night of drinking, I was awoken this morning at 7:00 AM by my neighbor mowing his lawn.
I was going to confront him on it, but then I thought, screw it. He can mow around me,
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︎ Sep 10 2022
Help! I am writing a book and am thinking about killing off a couple of characters...
Unfortunately, it's an Autobiography.
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︎ Oct 08 2022
I am the worst speller
You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined.
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︎ Jul 25 2022
My girlfriend is leaving me saying I am not American enough.
Saw it coming a kilometer away.
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︎ Jun 13 2022
I am leaving my job because I got tired of doing all the heavy lifting.
So I submitted my too-weak notice.
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︎ Oct 06 2022
I am very proud of this one (OC)
Just done dinner, and wife wants to take my daughter to Walgreens to get some stuff for daughter's dorm room.
Daughter: Mom can I pay you with Venmo if they don't accept Apple pay, I forgot my checking account card.
Wife: Sure, I think they accept that though.
Me: They're not going accept Apple pay.
Daughter: Why?
Me: Because you're going as a Pair.
I swear to god I almost pissed myself laughing as they walked out shaking their heads and just wincing in pain.
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︎ Sep 30 2022
I am terrified of elevators
that's why I will start taking steps to avoid them
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︎ Nov 13 2022
I am a comedian and a mailman, here's my number one rule:
It's all about how it's delivered.
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︎ Aug 28 2022
Called up about beginner Yoga lessons, and they asked me how flexible I am..
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︎ Nov 19 2022
My mom asked me why i am knocking the fridge door before opening it?
I replied there could be a salad dressing.
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︎ Oct 22 2022
I am trying to organize Hide & Seek tournament.
But good players are hard to find.
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︎ Oct 09 2022
I am trying to convince my dad to get a new hearing aid.
But he just wonβt listen.
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︎ Oct 05 2022
I swapped the "M" and "N" keys on all the keyboards in the office.
Yes.
I'n am absolute nomster.
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︎ Oct 31 2022
Somebody told me that I am not funny.
I said: Of course, I am not funny. I am dad.
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︎ Sep 18 2022
I told my wife that I am going to find a joke and put it on a shirt, then I could be a dad joke for Halloween.
She replied βgreat, I finally get to tell everyone youβre a jokeβ
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︎ Oct 14 2022
If alcohol can damage your short term memory
Just think of what alcohol could do.
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︎ Nov 19 2022
I am starting a business to teach short people math
It's called, making the little things count
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︎ Sep 26 2022
I am a heavy procrastinator
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︎ Sep 09 2022
I am writing a book about reverse psychology.
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︎ Jul 29 2022
Rye am the law.
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︎ Jul 04 2022
I am speechless
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︎ Sep 06 2022
I discovered I am very bad at axe-throwing,
But when asked if I could do any better with a throwing star, I answered "shuriken!"
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︎ Nov 03 2022
Man to Psychiatrist: I am depressed. All my four sons want to be valets when they grow up
Psychiatrist: That is the strangest case of parking sons disease I have come across so far.
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︎ May 24 2022
my child came out as trans today
I believe i made myself clear
Edit: i am not a father, i made this joke up and it has nothing to do with transphobia, just requires a little thinking to connect the dots
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︎ Oct 30 2022
I am disgusted with jokes made at the expense of amputees.
They are just prosthetic attempts at humor.
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︎ Jul 25 2022
The organ donor place came to my house again by mistake, I am not even sick.
I wish my wife would stop calling them.
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︎ Sep 30 2022
I am such an engineer. I named my goldfish Treebeard.
So even my pet can be a fish ent.
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︎ Oct 23 2022
I am going to hire Eminem to wrap my Christmas gifts this year
I heard that he is a very good rapper.
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︎ Nov 10 2022
I am a master of forgery.
I have all the certificates to prove it.
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︎ Sep 25 2022
Sometimes I wonder why I am so bad at fart jokes
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︎ Oct 09 2022
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