A list of puns related to "American shot"
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3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.
5/4 of people admit theyâre bad at fractions.
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.
A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. âIâd like some wings and a pint of beer, please,â it says. âSorry, but I canât serve you,â the bartender replies. âYouâre out of your head.â
A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'
A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.
A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. âWe donât serve your kind here,â the bartender says. âWhy not?â one yogurt asks. âWeâre cultured.â
A friend of mine didnât pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.
A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. Heâs an extremely aggressive janitor.
A guy walks into a bar, and thereâs a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, âWhat are you staring at? Havenât you ever seen a horse tending bar before?â The guy says, âItâs not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.â
A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, âWhatâs with the paper towel?â The pirate says, âArrr! Iâve got a Bounty on me head!â
A turtle is crossing the road when heâs mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, âI donât know. It all happened so fast.â
Armed robbersâsome say theyâre a drain on society, but youâve got to give it to them.
BarbersâŚyou have to take your hat off to them.
Can February March? No, but April May!
Cooking out this weekend? Donât forget the pickle. Itâs kind of a big dill.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.
Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!
Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.
Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. Thereâs Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis⌠Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?
Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!
Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape
... keep reading on reddit âĄHow does every Russian joke start? By looking over your shoulder.
Whats the difference between a smart Russian and a unicorn? Â Nothing, theyâre both fictional characters
Whatâs meant by an exchange opinions in the Communist party of the Soviet Union? Â Itâs when I come to a party meeting with my own opinion, and I leave with the partyâs.
What do you call a Russian with Touretteâs Syndrome? Â Yukanol Fukov.
What is 150 yards long and eats potatoes? Â A Moscow queue waiting to buy meat.
What occupies the last 6 pages of the Lada Userâs Manual? Â The bus and train timetables.
What is Communism? Â The Poles say itâs the longest and most painful of the roads to capitalism.
What do you call a gassy russian? Vladimir Tootin
What is the fastest country in the world? A: Russia
What do you call a Lada on a hill? Â A bloody miracle.
What did Wendi Murdoch say to Vladimir Putin? Â Put-it-in!
What did the Russian people light their houses with before they started using candles? Â Electricity.
Did you hear about the winner of the Russian beauty contest? Me neither.
When was the first Russian election held? Â The time that God set Eve in front of Adam and said, âGo ahead, choose your wife.â
Russia really Putin a lot of work for the Winter Olympics
I hate Russian dolls. Theyâre so full of themselves.
America: Hey Ivan.. Russia: da.. America: what do you call a gassy Russian.. Russia: hoe donât-.. America: Vladimir Tootin.. Russia: !   America: !!.. Russia: fuck you.
Me: Netflix and chill more like NYET-flix and chill.. Closetcellist: in a russian accent NO FILMS. ONLY CHILL.
So you want to tell me⌠Hilbert was Russian to the loud noise?
This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: âWhat is the difference between Russian and English fairy tales?â Weâre answering: âThe English fairy tale start with âOnce upon a timeâŚâ, and ours with âIt will be soonâŚ
This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: âWhy some people say that Hungarians love the Russians and hate the Americans?â Weâre answering: âBecause Russians helped Hungarians to get rid of one totalitarian rule, but Americans donât help to get rid of the other.â
This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: âWhy Lenin wore regular shoes, but Stalin wore boots?â Weâre answering: âAt Leninâs time, Ru
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