A list of puns related to "Adam B"
Ancient Scot Richard's Warriors: Dick's Picts
Loki - Trick pics (from my brother)
Pictures of an Adam Sandler movie: "Click" pics.
Pictures of a Kaitlin Olson character: The Mick's pics
Screenahots of these comments: Wit pics
Leaky faucet: drip pics
X1 Cumberbatch photos: Benedict pics
X2 Pope photos: Benedict pics (also works)
X3 Turncoat snaps: Benedict pics
X4 "Wong" image: Benedict pics
Legal command: Writ pics
Pictures of twigs: Stick pics
A Christmas Story scene: lick pics
Pictures of a Winter Saint: Nick pics
Syringe photos: prick pics (from a friend)
Sporting goods store images: Dick's pics.
Dan Harmon cartoon character: Rick's pics.
so I used my Bryan Adams CD, it cuts like a knife
He was AdamAnt.
Why are Santas reindeer generally drenched with water?
Because they are rain-deer.
Why did Santa have to visit the psychologist?
He had low elf esteem.
Why are Christmas trees so uncoordinated when it comes to sewing?
They always drop their needles.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a hungry mosquito?
Frostbite
βWhat did Adam say to Eve on the night before Christmas day?
It's Christmas Eve!
Today my wife was making oatmeal cookies, and was getting rolled oats out of the cupboard. I adamantly told her to STOP and she can't use them yet. Grabbing them, I proceeded to walk across the kitchen, and roll them across the floor. "There. NOW you have rolled oats," I say. Only to receive a facepalm and to be told to get out of the kitchen...
St Peter says to the nuns "Given you are nuns and have devoted your life to good works you only need to answer a single question each to enter Heaven."
He looks to the first nun and asks "where did the first woman live?"
The first nun quickly replied "the garden of Eden".
St Peter nods approval and looks to the second nun "what was the name of the first woman?"
The second nun pauses for a second and then replies "Eve."
"Well done!" Says St Peter before turning to the third nun and saying "As the Mother Superior you should be able to answer this; what did Eve say to Adam when she first saw him?"
The Mother Superior furrows her brow and says "oh, that's a hard one".
"Correct!" Says St Peter. "You may enter."
Adamant
After all, it was Adam's apple!
Adam was very fruitstrated
She'd Adam.
Its Christmas Adam. Because Adam came before Eve
Because Adams make up everything!
Adam Driver
Because heβs Adam Driver
A long time ago. Adam and Eve were the first to multiply.
After dying in a fatal car crash, 3 nuns end up at the pearly gates and the saint there tells them "Since you're so pure of heart and free of sin you can all go into the Kingdom of Heaven if you answer 3 questions. I'm going to ask you one question each."
The saint turns to the first nun and asks: "Who were the first two humans God created?"
She says: "Adam and Eve!"
She gets into Heaven.
The saint turns to the second nun and asks: "What was the one thing Adam and Eve were told not to do in the Garden of Eden?"
She says: "They weren't allowed to eat the fruit of knowledge!"
She gets into Heaven.
The saint turns to the last nun - the mother superior - and says "Since you're the mother superior my last question is going to be difficult to answer, but if you answer correctly you can get into Heaven. So my question for you is: What was the first thing Eve said to Adam when they realized they were naked?"
Now she has to think a little and as she thinks she's close to conceding, uttering "Gee, that's a hard one..."
The saint lets her right into Heaven.
The End.
Adam and Eve They just had one byte and then everything crashed
to Hong Kong-based jewelry retailer Chu Tai Fook. Over the last few months as the protests in Hong Kong have become heated Mr. Chu has been on the side of the government which has caught the eye of the international gem dealers, causing him to become a bit of a pariah.
The diamond went up for sale his and the Chinese government wanted to ensure that world's most expensive gem got a fair price. Mr. Chu approached Southerby's who was hesitant to get involved in what could be deemed a political gem sale. Despite his protests none of the world's leading auction houses the answer was always the same, they would not do the auction. This is when president Xi Jiping got involved to ensure that some good news could come out of China.
Last week it was reported that Rick Harrison, from Pawn Stars, had approached Xi Jinping saying that he would hold the diamond but couldn't promise more than $500 USD from the sale of the pendant. This infuriated the Chinese president threatened to take down the reality TV star, but Harrison was adamant telling Mr. Pooh, "If Chu wished to pawn the star, makes no difference who you are"
We call him Adam.
"I don't know. I'm neither Adam nor Eve."
The contractor was adamant that whatever was in the box would not go in the building at any cost. The plumber insisted he was just trying to do his job and that it was imperative that the box go into the master bathroom. The contractor turned him away despite warnings that there would be consequences. Upon hearing this, the owner of the building got angry and hired a new contractor. The new contractor also wouldn't allow the contents of the large box into the building. He was also fired and a new contractor hired. This contractor was a fun person, giving the workers breaks and buying them lunch. Out of fondness, the workers warned him that when plumber comes, he should allow the box to go into the building. So the contractor asked how important the contents of the box were and the workers replied, "Two people have been fired for not listening to the plumber, just let that sink in"
After a few hours of debate, no one was willing to concede, and it was decided that a vote must be held. Unfortunately, with so few friends present, it was clear that they would need to bring the vote to the greater public. The group decided that each friend would make a plea to the subreddit of their choice, and whoever received the most karma for it would win.
Adam, already undecided himself, decided to go to /r/AskReddit. He laid out the agreement, and asked that everyone vote one their favorite movie, and the one with the most votes he would use for the his friends. Unfortunately, as the votes were split in that sub, his highest post amounted to a mere 38 points.
Paul, a big proponent for the Toy Story franchise, posted to /r/nostalgia in the hopes that everyone who grew up with Toy Story would agree. Unfortunately, as there had been two sequels (with a third on the way) it wasn't exactly considered "nostalgia" and he got downvoted into oblivion.
Bill, who loved Monsters Inc., made his case using some trickery. Going to /r/news, he found a seemingly unrelated post, and made a top-level comment describing, in great detail, why Monsters Inc. was the greatest film of all time. The fact that the post was so out of context made everyone flock to it, and drew enough attention to new him over a thousand fake internet points.
Mike, who loved the Incredibles movies, decided to stay in his wheelhouse. Over the course of several hours, he created each of the family members from the Incredibles in Soulcaliber VI. Finally, he photoshopped the family together, and posted it to /r/gaming. Under normal circumstances this would have skyrocketed to the top, but the format was stale, and thus only received 20k karma. Still, Mike was confident in his victory.
While the other four friends came up with plans on how to maximize their karma gains, Chris sat silently. For hours he sat, making no posts, coming up with no original content. Finally, an hour before the deadline, he broke into his neighbor's house, stealing his copy of the Pixar movie "Up". He took a picture of his theft and posted it directly to /r/dadjokes with the title "STOLEN".
When the group got together the next day to see who got the most votes, everyone was in awe. Chris's post had over 40,000 points. "How did you know that would win?" "Easy," Chris replied. "Everyone knows stolen content on /r/dadjokes gets all the Up votes."
Credit to @AdamPacitti
A child asked his father, "How were people born?"
So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on."
The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now."
The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
Adam
...then his direct superior would be his Adam's Handler
I'm an elementary school teacher. When kids tell me they're tired, hungry etc, I often give the typical "hi hungry, I'm Adam response"
On Friday a first grader came to me at recess and said "I'm bored!" I said "ok". She looked confused, then flustered, then blurted out "...nice to meet you Adam!" and ran away to play on the swings.
He remains adamant though.
Eve, because she made Adams banana stand.
Sally was at Sunday school, when she fell asleep. The teacher realizes this and says, βSally who is the creator of life?β Her friend, Colin, who sat behind her. Poked her with a needle to wake her up. She wakes with a jump and yells, βGOD ALMIGHTYβ The teacher responds, βVery good Sally.β Soon later, Sally falls back asleep. The teacher, again notices and says to her, βSally who is our savior?β Colin again, pokes her with a needle. Sally jumps up and yells, βJESUS CHRIST!β The teacher responds, βVery good.β For a third time Sally falls asleep. The teacher, having enough of it, asked, βSally, what did Eve say to Adam after they had their 17th child?.β Colin again, pokes Sally with a needle to wake her up. She jumps up and yells, βI SWEAR TO GOD, if you shove that thing in me one more time, Iβm going to rip it from you, and shove up your throat!β
For Adam good reason!
I hope this is the proper venue for this post. If not, feel free to delete me.
This came from when I was doing production lighting. Every once in a while during concert setup the audio tech would need help with mic check. Now the "real" audio guys would always just stand there going "check check check one two". Me being not a real audio guy wanted to have more fun than that, so I would always do "pages" as if I was paging people. But I would use these assumed names. Here is a partial list of names I would use. If you look closely you might notice a familiar u/name or two.
Paging Mister Lobbla β¦ Mister Bob Lobbla (from Arrested Development)
Paging Mister Vitoomey β¦ Mister Lee Vitoomey
Paging Mister Frescoe β¦ Mister Al Frescoe
Paging Miss Haivure β¦ Miss Bee Haivure
Paging Miss Mitch β¦ Miss Miranda Mitch (my random itch - from The Mick?)
Paging Miss Dactyl β¦ Miss Tara Dactyl
Paging Miss Falactec β¦ Miss Anna Falactec
Paging Miss Tonin β¦ Miss Sarah Tonin
Paging Mister Zinette β¦ Mister Ray Zinnette
Paging Mister Reader β¦ Mister Chip Reader
Paging Miss Kiaki β¦ Miss Sue Kiaki
Paging Mister Doffish β¦ Mister Stan Doffish
Paging Mister Debank β¦ Mister Robin Debank
Paging Mister Festo β¦ Mister Manny Festo
Paging Mister Ifornia β¦ Mister Cal Ifornia
Paging Mister Itosis β¦ Mister Hal Itosis
Paging Mister Saroni β¦ Mister Rye Saroni
Paging Mister Nasium β¦ Mister Jim Nasium
Paging Mister Aroon β¦ Mister Mac Aroon
Paging Miss Ester β¦ Miss Polly Ester
Paging Miss Rexia β¦ Miss Anna Rexia
Paging Mister Zapan β¦ Mister Pete Zapan
Paging Mister Tenuff β¦ Mister Jess Tenuff
Paging Miss Eous β¦ Miss Elaine Eous
Paging Mister Aroni β¦ Mister Mac Aroni
Paging Mister Preneur β¦ Mister Andre Preneur
Paging Mister Cetera β¦ Mister Ed Cetera
Paging Mr. Zapple β¦ Mr. Adam Zapple
Paging Mr. Bino β¦ Mr. Al Bino
Paging Miss Slapter β¦ Miss Ida Slapter
Paging Miss Talia β¦ Miss Jenna Talia
Paging Mr. Rafone β¦ Mr. Mike Rafone
Paging Mr. Zark β¦ Mr. Noah Zark
Paging Miss Yoki β¦ Miss Carey Yoki
Paging Mr. Foolery β¦ Mr. Tom Foolery
Paging Mr. Atric β¦ Mr. Jerry Atric
Paging Mr. Duttank β¦ Mr. Phillip Duttank
Paging Mr. Anoma β¦ Mr. Mel Anoma
Paging Mister Jass β¦ Mr. Hugh Jass
Paging Mr. Onella β¦ Mr. Sam Onella
Paging Mr. Maphobe β¦ Mr. Jer Maphobe
Paging Mr. Packa β¦ Mr. Al Packa
Paging Mister Dente β¦ Mister Al Dente
Paging Miss Conda β¦ Miss Anna Conda
Paging Miss Sharalike β¦ Miss Sharon Sharalike
Paging Miss Bellum β¦ Miss Sarah Bellum
Paging Miss Mennopey β¦ Miss
... keep reading on reddit β‘The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything CRASHED.
If Eve wore a fig leaf in the Garden of Eden...what did Adam wear?? A hole in the fig leaf.
Today, I went out to lunch with some fellas from my office, Dave and Mike.
We all opted for the "beer and sandwich deal": any beer < $6 and any sandwich from the lunch menu for $10. Can't beat that in Hoboken, NJ.
One of my coworkers ordered a Sam Adams something-or-other and our bouncy little waitress pranced off to fetch our beverages. When the waitress returned with our potables she placed a beer, amber in color, 1/2" or so foamy head, in front of my coworker and said:
"Sam?"
To which I immediately announced "No, that's Dave."
Laughs were had all around. I cringed at myself but I couldn't help it.
Store intercom: We have a Code Adam. He is wearing a black jacket.
Mom: Code Adam is a lost child.
Me: Apparently.
Mom: More like No-parent-ly.
New Years Adam.
I was out to dinner with my boyfriend and his dad, and my boyfriend was telling us about his new job. Bf: βIβll have to start waking up earlier than usual, I need to be up and at βem by 6.β Me: βAdam? I thought you were Matt!β Bf: βWow...β
He sighed as his dad and I laughed and high fived, we had been making awful (or great?) puns all night. I may be a girl but Iβll definitely be in charge of the dad jokes when we have kids!
I saw a white, fluffy thing swinging through my local cake shop. Suspect it was a meringue-utang.
I was out driving the other day and I spotted two packets of cheese & onion crisps walking down the road. I said, βDo you want a liftβ. βNo thanksβ, they replied, βWeβre Walkersβ.
I was in a cake shop the other day, they were all Β£5 apart from one that was Β£10. I asked why it was so expensive, the shop owner said βthatβs maderia cakeβ.
Bought some cream, it said βstore in a cool placeβ. So I left it in the Doctor Who studios.
Local ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
I used to love doughnuts, but I got bored of the whole thing.
A man says βI keep finding custard in one ear, and jelly in the otherβ. The doctor says βIβm afraid you are a trifle deafβ.
I bought a waffle iron the other day. Get really annoyed with wrinkled waffles.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden
What do they call a man who abandoned his diet? DESSERTER.
Ice cream is exquisiteβ¦ βwhat a pity it isnβt illegal.
The optimist sees the doughnut, the pessimist sees the hole, and the realist sees the calories.
Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adamβs banana.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because itβs too hard to put them on the bottom!
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When itβs been sliced.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
A birthday greeting: For someone special as you, only ANGELFOOD would do. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Did you hear there are two suspects in Two Ton Charleyβs death? BEN and JERRY.
Donβt eat too much fudge, or else you will have so much pudge you wonβt be able to budge.
You know youβre a mom ifβ¦ Popsicles have become a staple food.
Mexican candy makes my taste buds say βOLE!β
FORGET LOVEβ¦ Iβ
... keep reading on reddit β‘He replied: "I don't give Adam"
Adam and Eve became dis-Abeled
"Nice to meet you, Cold. I'm Mr. Adams."
Classic dad-ism.
Adam
It was owned by Adam and Eve. It was an Apple and with one byte everything crashed.
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
The contractor was adamant that whatever was in the box would not go in the building at any cost. The plumber insisted he was just trying to do his job and that it was imperative that the box go into the master bathroom. The contractor turned him away despite warnings that there would be consequences. Upon hearing this, the owner of the building got angry and hired a new contractor. The new contractor also wouldn't allow the contents of the large box into the building. He was also fired and a new contractor hired. This contractor was a fun person, giving the workers breaks and buying them lunch. Out of fondness, the workers warned him that when plumber comes, he should allow the box to go into the building. So the contractor asked how important the contents of the box were and the workers replied, "Two people have been fired for not listening to the plumber, just let that sink in"
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