For instance, as we are getting ready to leave, my 4 year old handed me his coat and said, "Put it on, please."
So.... I put it on. It achieved a very satisfactory eye roll from my wife and got him laughing. I'd say it's just as good as a dad joke.
His name is Steven Seagull.
I was like "You wanted to Starmie?"
Mamá M.I.A.
...I won't rest 'til I find you
They are just following their dust-in-knee
Hello! I'm hosting a NYE murder mystery dinner, and need some help coming up with punny title. It's based on Hollywood where the director gets murdered after the premier of their newest movie!
Any ideas? Also trying to come up with some punny character names but not great at that either! Thank you in advanced :)
They're ribbeting.
For making illegal trans actions
Pears… And then he proceeded to fall out of his chair laughing. Meanwhile mom wants to know how she could’ve tested for this before getting in too deep.
Scar Brother!
Every month, they have an ovary action
Stallone said, “I’m making a movie about famous composers and I’m playing Beethoven.”
Van Damme quickly chimed in, “I’ll play Mozart.”
Schwarzenegger said, “Stop is guys. I’m not saying it.”
Because they were on his trampoline
Looks like it has to be retired now
Like I explained: "Mini Hans make light work."
Indiana Bones: Raiders of the Lost Bark (source: Google joke of the day)
.. is sphere itself.
But those who sell you fruits and vegetables are grocer.
Vin Weasel
Einstein is seeking and begins counting to thirty.
While Pascal hides in a bush, Newton simply picks up a stick and draws a square into the dirt around himself.
Einstein immidiately finds him, saying "Found you, Newton!" To which he replies:
"Oh no, dear colleague. A Newton per square meter is a Pascal."
MISSION: IM-PASTA-BLE
The cast, made up of high-profile action stars, were choosing their roles.
Sylvester Stallone went "I want to be Mozart!". Bruce Willis said "Then I'll be Beethoven!" and Jean -Claude Van Damme, "I'll go with Tchaikovsky".
After a moment of silence, Arnold Schwarzenegger stood up, looked at everyone in the room, and said "I'll be Bach".
NOKIA!
Wife eyerolled and laughed when I was cutoff in traffic.
You can hide, but you can't run!!!
Mama MIA! (credit to u/_fashionablyLate - Fashionably Late Comics.)
But you got to admit it was a bald move
Their products don't hold anywhere near the 22-37 pounds advertised on the package.
I said that sounds great just change your name to Cindy Larper
However, some critics say that it needed a little less conversation and a little more action
It's quite the afro disiac.
Those who understand binary and those who don’t.
She knew all her customer's names, and they all knew and loved her. Unfortunately her husband passed away and she took it hard. So hard in fact that she took to the bottle. So badly her work began to suffer. It got to the point that the store owner realized he had to take action. Reluctantly he called her into his office one Friday. "Martha, I know you've been here a long time but I'm going to have to let you go." Martha was taken aback "But why?" "Because checkers can't be boozers"
Sales assistant: I don't think we've got one that big.
I have to make every second Count.
Jean-Claude Gundam
