A woman walks into a music shop and finds an album for 95 cents and pays for it with a dollar

she got a nickleback

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcastic_kittie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
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I couldn't find my pizza cutter last night, so I used an old Bryan Adams album.

Because it cuts like a knife.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShawntheShiba
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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I've recorded an album called 'Obsessed With Sex'.

It's only got one track, mind.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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I just found out Ryan Reynolds and Snoop Dogg are making an album

I can't wait for Reynolds wrap

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DragonReborn64
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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Willie Nelson and Snoop Dogg have decided to record an album together.

It’s a joint project.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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Did you hear Pete Townshend and Roger Daltrey are releasing an album of Springsteen covers?

It’s called The Who’s The Boss

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jayrandomer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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Which four man rock group has never released an album?

Mount Rushmore.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bowlbettertalk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
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If you buy an album and it goes platinum, you're technically one in a million.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itswhatitisbro
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
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I hope that one day Al Gore comes out with an educational rap album called, "Algorithms."

Al Gore Rhythms...

πŸ‘︎ 232
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πŸ‘€︎ u/genevieveoliver
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2016
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An album of puns imgur.com/a/u26Rd
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πŸ‘€︎ u/loklen
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2012
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Why did the monarchist release an album?

He wanted royalties.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sinRes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2015
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My uncle posted an entire album of these photos.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TacoStandManMD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2013
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An Album of Dad Jokes

http://imgur.com/gallery/cjVCG

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chAMPIRE
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2014
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They were never going to let my president win this election

But I'm not mad. He'll drop an album or two and Kanye will be back in 4 years.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SarcasmJedi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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I have a compulsive habit of obliterating album CD's of classic hard rock bands

You could say I've got an appetite for destruction

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cinoxal
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
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Got the girlfriend while she was showing me family photo albums

Her: (While pointing to one of her cousins) "She had an unplanned pregnancy at a young age, but that's her fiancΓ©, they've been together for a long time now."

Me: "Well it's nice to see he's still in the picture."

Not even a groan, just silence and an eye roll

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HEHHHHHHHH
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2015
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A horse is sitting at home watching MTV

A horse is sitting at home, watching MTV...

He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"

The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the horse. "I'm a horse."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach horses. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the horse gets really good at the guitar and he can play that amazing solo. He wants to show his friends, so he picks up the phone and calls chicken.

"Hey Chicken, come over!" he says. Chicken comes over, watches horse play the guitar and thinks it's pretty cool. Chicken watches the music video and says "hey, that drum part is pretty cool, I want to learn to play that."

Chicken goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play the drums." Says the chicken.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the chicken. "I'm a chicken."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach chickens. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the chicken gets really good and begins to jam with the horse. Eventually, they think that something's missing. They watch the video again and realize they need a bass guitarist. They call their friend Cow and show them what they've been up to. Cow thinks it's pretty cool, and wants to learn how to play the bass guitar.

Cow goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play bass guitar." Says the cow.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the cow. "I'm a cow."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach cows. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the cow gets really good at the bass and the animals have a nice band going.

One day, while they're practicing, a man walks by and hears them. He goes up to the animals and says "hey, you guys are pretty good! I'm from a record label, I'd like to sign you!"

The band records an album, puts out some singles and becomes a massive success.

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreatDekuTree3
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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My dads recent play on words

Me (Lexi): I’m so excited with these wedding photos. I can’t wait to start on making an album for them,

Dad (Alan): You can’t do that. It would have to be a Lexibum. You’re name isn’t Al.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alexisjoann
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2018
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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Recently made a trip to Ford's Theatre in Washington D.C....

Made a trip to DC by myself and went to Ford's Theatre as part of the trip. I uploaded a couple picture's I took into an album and made a brief description of each, because I knew my family would be interested in looking. Then my father, who is normally a very silent man who rarely ever smiles (let alone cracks a joke), commented this.

Simple, yet effective.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ResRevolution
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2016
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thom yorke dad joke

so I was talking to my friend about what made our days good today, and he said "also Thom Yorke randomly dropped an album."

I replied, "what, were his hands too full? ba dum sss"

he hasn't replied back yet. wonder why?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fruitellla
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2014
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This needs to be The Official DadJokes Book.

So my wife brought this book home from the library the other day. I knew you just had to see it.

Album Here

I wasn't sure on rules about sharing an entire book, so I just grabbed a few of my favorites. I definitely recommend checking it out yourselves.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vanillaacid
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2014
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