I have a list of friends who love palindromes!

Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
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Hired a handy man and gave him a list. When I got home, only items #1, 3, & 5 were done.

Turns out, he only does odd jobs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
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I've just made a list of the top 10 dad jokes I know. The first 9 are alright but the last one is absoutely briliant.
  1. alright
  2. alright
  3. alright
  4. alright
  5. alright
  6. alright
  7. alright
  8. alright
  9. alright
  10. absoutely briliant
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skycam3014
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
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What do you call a scandal concerning a rich engineer where the list of accusations only gets longer and longer over time?

Elongate

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thatyougoon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs

Number 3 will shock you

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LinkRar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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A tattoo artist has a guy come in and get a new mark on an expanding list of hash marks. After a few sessions the tattoo artist asks β€œWhat are you counting?”

And the guy says β€œhow many tattoos I have now”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deepsea333
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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I have a list of puns/bad jokes for every U.S. President reddit.com/gallery/jw48pr
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThackerOpinions
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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What do you call a five year old's to do list?

A playlist.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/heyadoraX
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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A friend of mine was in the band mood but I had a list of 10 puns to try to cheer him up.

But No pun in ten did.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MasterDragonIron
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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I asked my Spanish girlfriend to make a to-do list

so she wrote down everything

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πŸ‘€︎ u/klaymens
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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I just made a list of my top 10 favourite Dad jokes. The first 9 are great but the last one is an absolute cracker
  1. great

  2. great

  3. great

  4. great

  5. great

  6. great

  7. great

  8. great

  9. great

  10. An absolute cracker

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
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There couldn't be a tier list for knots because they would all be tied
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
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I came across a list of ingredients to make plastic explosives.

I thought to myself, "Boy this looks like a real recipe for disaster!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
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A long list
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ravasha1
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
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A hand-y list.
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/babydoll_bd
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2018
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[Pun request] Need a List of Cat Puns For US Cities and States

So far for States I have: Catifornia North and South Catolina Oklahomeow Oregato Furorida Mew York, Jersey, Hampshire, Mexico Connectikitty ​

For cities I have: Mew York Kitty Felinedelphia San Digato Mewmphis Chigato San Furanciso Indianapawlis Clawmbus​

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πŸ‘€︎ u/namtag24
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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My girlfriend gave me a list of things she'd like to do for her 32nd birthday

I told her there's no way we could do all that in 30 seconds.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
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A couple expecting a baby girl made a long list of possible names for a girl child, but only one name in the event that they have a boy. They ended up having a boy.

He was named Justin Case.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kilokiilo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
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A whole *shop*ping list of them
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NVJayNub
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
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My friend has been learning magic as a quarantine hobby. I present to you: my oc list of magician jokes and puns I invented to annoy him.

Did you hear about the magician who grabbed Eminem so hard his SnapBack fell off?

He pulled a rabbit out of his hat

What do you call a magician who is an administrator at a college, but nobody knows what students he is in charge of?

Whose dean’s he?

A magician went out to the store and bought a big metal structure so he could hang upside down and do situps. He also loved painting, but because of his style he often knocked the canvas around while dabbing on the paint. So he bought another, wooden structure, like an easel, but with clamps to hold the painting in place while he prodded it with the paintbrush. His wife asked, as he brought them in, what the hell he had just bought. He replied:

β€œAb rack and dab rack”

What do you call a magician with very skinny fingers?

Slight of hand

The magician’s wife brought him to the store to buy gifts for a birthday party. She picked out a lovely candle, but wanted to include a nice note. The magician knew just what to do. He brought her down an aisle, found a section marked β€œbirthday,” and said:

β€œPick a card, any card”

The Russian magician, in 1932, found an amazing new piece for his act: a giant, wooden sarcophagus in the shape of a beautiful woman. The piece had giant, metal blades inside at waist level. They were locked in place while it was open, but retracted as it closed, making it seem as though the magician had escaped death. But one day, while he was practicing, the great sarcophagus fell over - door still open - right on the magician. When he was found, he was cut right in two. Moral of the story:

In Soviet Russia, box woman saws you.

Okay that’s it. I’m so sorry, I have nothing better to do.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nsk09003
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
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I once put a list of symbols on a map and everyone still talks about it.

It's a legend.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
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My wife needs a cornea transplant, but the waiting list is too long!

We really need a faster wife-eye provider.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
🚨︎ report
A List of Puns (and other excuses for good humor)

Me: You got the goods?

Dealer: I have an alloy of iron and carbon for only $1.

Me: My, what a steel!

Guy: Hey, wanna hear my joke?

Boxer: I dunno, man. People always say I ruin their punchline.

Teacher: What are the four components of DNA?

Student: Actually, there are five: Adenine, cytosine, guanine, thymine--

Teacher: Oh? And the fifth one?

Student: I got I got I got I got...

Me (metric): Why does America use the imperial system? It's stupid.

Friend (imperial): Actually, other places use the imperial system.

Me: Which other places?

Friend: The Galactic Empire.

Guy: I hate spam.

Me: I like sushi.

Me: I like sushi.

Me: I like sushi.

...

Someone: Son of a gun...

Someone Else: Now you've just pistoled me off!

Okay, I know these are not the greatest puns ever, but this is my first post in this subreddit. Anyway, now here are the explanations:

Joke 1 - An alloy of carbon and iron is popularly referred to as steel, and stainless steel costs $2.41, in which the item receives a 58.51% reduction in cost, which is a mighty bargain, also known as a steal.

Joke 2 - Boxing is a sport in which your only goal is to knock your opponent out through a series of punches. The ending or twist of a joke is commonly referred to as the punchline of said joke.

Joke 3 - Check out Kendrick Lamar's DNA song.

Joke 4 - Troops and personnel of the Galactic Empire from Star Wars are commonly referred to as the Imperials.

Joke 5 - Spam musubi, or just spam, is a type of sushi. On the internet, spam is referred to as the repetition of a specific message, especially when emailing, to annoy or advertise a product/website to someone.

Joke 6 - The phrase, "Son of a gun", is a friendlier alternative to the phrase, "Son of a bitch!" Also, when you annoy someone, that means that you pissed them off, which sounds a bit like "pistoled".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/U2BURR
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
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Making a list of places I want to see during my tour of Bohemia and Moravia

It's my Czech-list

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πŸ‘€︎ u/harrytheb
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2018
🚨︎ report
"I need to go out for a while, Amelia Bedelia. Can you do this list of chores?" Said Mr. Rogers.

Amelia Bedelia looked over the list. "Okey-dokey!" Said Amelia Bedelia.

When Mr. Rogers came home, he saw Amelia Bedelia stuffing sawdust into his secret marijuana stash.

Mr. Rogers was furious. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING, AMELIA BEDELIA?!"

"You said to cut the grass."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_-Aven-_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
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They ask me if it's pronounced "NEE-a-list" or "NIGH-a-list."

I tell them it doesn't really matter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fgben
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
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My wife has started keeping a dry-erase board labeled 'Grocery List' on the fridge, so I filled it in while she was gone this morning.
  • Kroger

  • Wal-Mart

  • Lucky's

  • Whole Foods

  • Winn Dixie

etc, etc

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chambadon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2015
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A writer on The Good Place submitted the following list of restaurant name puns with the script for her episode. It includes gems like "Squab Goals" and "Pie Another Day." twitter.com/meganamram/st…
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2018
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Here's a list of the words I have found that are overused.
  1. Overused
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gra8Balance
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
A list of (mostly) puns youtube.com/watch?v=_Vzy9…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/phizrine
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2018
🚨︎ report
It took all day, but I made a list of my favorite Prog Rock bands.

No rush, no Rush.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nbarlam
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
🚨︎ report
A Marine Biology student was compiling a list of all the sea creatures they could find on Wikipedia. The next day they handed it in to their Professor, who took one look at it and said..

Lacks Cetacean..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irorii
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
🚨︎ report
A list of funny, but inappropriate puns saltypun.com/wash-your-mo…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jewel531
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2018
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Can you guys help me develop a list of puns with the name "impossible burger?"

So at work recently theres this vegan burger called the impossible burger. when we pack them up we have to label the number of burgers and the name of them. Typically I wouldn't mess with that stuff since it might throw off the person restocking but the containers they put it all in makes it all quite apparent which ones are which burger. Anywho I began making puns on the labels starting with "kim-possible burger" and I wanted to see what you all could come up with. (I also did the small pee-pee burger but that wasn't really a pun). Anyways plz comment what you can think of that would be a pretty cool pun for the list and I will compile it all together. Thanks and regards, Thomas

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zhaoneng
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Saw a top ten list of card games today

Uno is number one

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tenaciousliam
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2017
🚨︎ report
Apparently Queen have added a conjuring act to their set list.

It's a kind of magic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
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A List of My Favorite Dad Jokes
  1. My
  2. Favorite
  3. Dad
  4. Jokes
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LucasAllenSimms
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
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I just read a list of "100 Things To Do Before You Die" and I was quite surprised that...

"Yell for help!" wasn't one of them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2018
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My girlfriend gave me a list of things she’d like to do for her 32nd birthday

I said β€œno way can we do all of that in 30 seconds”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LucasM__
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
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I was given a list of ten puns to read to see if they would make me laugh.

No pun in ten did.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jedical
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My friends asked me to go camping, so I made a list of things I needed.
  1. new friends
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
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