A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"
"Yes, my master, I have."
"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"
"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."
"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"
"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."
"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."
Whatever you do, don't look at the sun through a colander...
You will strain your eyes
I was just chillin by the pool on the 4th of July with my 11 yr old. I told him I got a little Sun...
And then you had a growth spurt.
It took him a few minutes...
Son: Father can you tell me what a solar eclipse is? Father: No sun.
I once knew a guy that liked to bask in the sun. He touched my circle of friends but did not enter it...
How does the moon give the sun a great hairdo?
After a long and terrible Autumn, the Sun was shining once again and the trees were finally put at ease.
I had a friend who started crying and said he somehow once saw the sun rising in the west instead of the east.
He thought it was upsetting.
I don't want a sun or a daughter
Bread is a lot like the sun
It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist
Three fruits decided to have a dragrace match. The Lemon prepared by practcing driving skills, the orange by studying the appropriate tecniques, the grape by relaxing in the sun. Who won?
The grape. He was the only one who went raisin.
What happens when you give the sun a gun?
It becomes a shooting star.
I blow into a dog whistle every time I see the sun setting
It's always nice to end the day on a high note
What does a cow make when the sun comes up?
The Sun and Moon walked into a coffee shop today...
Sun: "Oh man, I forgot my wallet!"
Moon: "Don't worry, I'll cover you."
I knew a guy who wore a hat with an extra long bill. He said it was to protect his nose from the sun. I asked him why is that?
He said....
No one likes a brown nose.
The police are looking for a man who is running up to strangers and blocking the sun from reaching them
They describe him as a shady character
I like to keep a photo of the Sun on my phone. When people ask me if I have any kids, I start telling 'em about my son and how bright he is. I then pull out the phone to show them the photo.
When I was a child I wondered where the sun went at night
What do you call a nearby roof that's been in the sun all day?
Hot shingles in your area.
I went for a walk with my pregnant wife last night who commented that it felt nice since there was no sun.
Me: "Of course there isn't. The doctor already said we're having a girl."
Someone told me that there is a name for a measurement from the earth to the sun. That's pretty large I said
It must be one astronomical unit.
How does a sun god say sorry
What does the sun and a loaf of bread have in common?
They both rise in the yeast
I went to a fund raiser for dolphins recently. Since it was Florida, canopies protected the participants from the sun. The mayor got up to speak.
He said, "for all in tents and porpoises, we come together to raise funds."
Something like that might be a good joke... someday...
A green-energy bakery just announced their new sun-baked bread.
While it's cooking, the sign reads "suns out, buns out."
I'm directing a cowboy film called "The Sun"...
What kind of rating does a movie about the Sun get?
The sun had just come out and I was standing on a hill with my father when he said
Careful this could have been an end game spoiler!
What do you call it when a grape gets paid to sit in the sun all day?
The sun is really just a space heater
Sun of a beach
What do you get when you drop your waffle on a beach in California?
a sandy eggo
What do you call a basketball player who's been in the sun for too long?
What do you see, when you hold a bottle of Mexican beer towards the sun during a solar eclipse?
I completed another lap around the Sun, but I only get half a minute to celebrate today.
It's my thirty-second birthday.
If you leave a grape out in the hot sun, it will shrivel and dry up.
NASA was having a debate over the Sun’s size..
When the leaves are falling, the setting sun casts shadows across the hills, and a warm breeze blows, ain't that just...
A few birds were sitting in the sun in our backyard, and my cat was desperate to catch and eat them.
I was explaining how to make Sun Tea to my daughter and she asked if she could make it in a pot instead of a jar.
I told her that if she did that, she would make potty.
If a goose can fly away from the sun at 20mph, how fast can he fly toward the sun?
puts hand over eyes and flaps the other arm like a wing
10mph.
The Sun has such a small suitcase!
Apparently it's to travel light.
Bread is a lot like the sun
It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist
How does the moon give the sun a haircut?
What does a cow make when the sun comes up
The sun is really just a space heater
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