A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"

"Yes, my master, I have."

"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"

"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."

"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"

"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."

"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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Whatever you do, don't look at the sun through a colander...

You will strain your eyes

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Meh_Belleh
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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I was just chillin by the pool on the 4th of July with my 11 yr old. I told him I got a little Sun...

And then you had a growth spurt.

It took him a few minutes...

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jvanzandd
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
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Son: Father can you tell me what a solar eclipse is? Father: No sun.

No sun/No son

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/UnknownNote
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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I once knew a guy that liked to bask in the sun. He touched my circle of friends but did not enter it...

He was a real tan gent.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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How does the moon give the sun a great hairdo?

Eclipse it

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Whymustudodat
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 27 2020
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After a long and terrible Autumn, the Sun was shining once again and the trees were finally put at ease.

They were releaved.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/greedygoyem
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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I had a friend who started crying and said he somehow once saw the sun rising in the west instead of the east.

He thought it was upsetting.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MCMajorGeo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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I don't want a sun or a daughter
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/updogg18
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
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Bread is a lot like the sun

It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ThineGreatPotato
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
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Three fruits decided to have a dragrace match. The Lemon prepared by practcing driving skills, the orange by studying the appropriate tecniques, the grape by relaxing in the sun. Who won?

The grape. He was the only one who went raisin.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/midy-dk
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
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What happens when you give the sun a gun?

It becomes a shooting star.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/meatbag_289
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
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A realtor showing a house to a couple says: โ€œThis is the sun room.โ€

The man goes, โ€œOk great, now where do I put my daughters?โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Jason_Boyd
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
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I blow into a dog whistle every time I see the sun setting

It's always nice to end the day on a high note

๐Ÿ‘︎ 41
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Majike03
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
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What does a cow make when the sun comes up?

A shadow.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/2donutkid2
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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The Sun and Moon walked into a coffee shop today...

Sun: "Oh man, I forgot my wallet!" Moon: "Don't worry, I'll cover you."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/seems_legit_man
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 21 2017
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I knew a guy who wore a hat with an extra long bill. He said it was to protect his nose from the sun. I asked him why is that?

He said....

No one likes a brown nose.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/oxfordthethird
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
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The police are looking for a man who is running up to strangers and blocking the sun from reaching them

They describe him as a shady character

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/GaryTheKnight
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
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I like to keep a photo of the Sun on my phone. When people ask me if I have any kids, I start telling 'em about my son and how bright he is. I then pull out the phone to show them the photo.
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TimothyHalpern
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
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When I was a child I wondered where the sun went at night

Then it dawned on me

๐Ÿ‘︎ 63
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TrueCP5
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
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What do you call a nearby roof that's been in the sun all day?

Hot shingles in your area.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/bloodredrogue
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
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I went for a walk with my pregnant wife last night who commented that it felt nice since there was no sun.

Me: "Of course there isn't. The doctor already said we're having a girl."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jurassicbond
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
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Someone told me that there is a name for a measurement from the earth to the sun. That's pretty large I said

It must be one astronomical unit.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MasterCheezOtter
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 20 2019
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How does a sun god say sorry

He APOLLOgizes

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JFirelord
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
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What does the sun and a loaf of bread have in common?

They both rise in the yeast

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Darkhemispheres
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 20 2018
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I went to a fund raiser for dolphins recently. Since it was Florida, canopies protected the participants from the sun. The mayor got up to speak.

He said, "for all in tents and porpoises, we come together to raise funds."

Something like that might be a good joke... someday...

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 24 2019
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A green-energy bakery just announced their new sun-baked bread.

While it's cooking, the sign reads "suns out, buns out."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ElsaFrozen2013
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 31 2019
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I'm directing a cowboy film called "The Sun"...

It's set in the West...

๐Ÿ‘︎ 308
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 15 2017
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What kind of rating does a movie about the Sun get?

One star

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/lukewarm_tequila
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
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The sun had just come out and I was standing on a hill with my father when he said

Careful this could have been an end game spoiler!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheStudent1001000
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
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What do you call it when a grape gets paid to sit in the sun all day?

Fund-raisin!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Watermelon86
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
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The sun is really just a space heater
๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Th7rtyFour
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
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Sun of a beach

What do you get when you drop your waffle on a beach in California? a sandy eggo

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/gargadag
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 31 2018
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What do you call a basketball player who's been in the sun for too long?

LeBronze James.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/VodkaWithSnowflakes
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 16 2018
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What do you see, when you hold a bottle of Mexican beer towards the sun during a solar eclipse?

Corona.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/sodomicity
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
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I completed another lap around the Sun, but I only get half a minute to celebrate today.

It's my thirty-second birthday.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JoeFas
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
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If you leave a grape out in the hot sun, it will shrivel and dry up.

Just raisin awareness.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 235
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Kopextacy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 22 2016
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NASA was having a debate over the Sunโ€™s size..

It got very heated.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 17
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/YourDailyHuman77
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 09 2018
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When the leaves are falling, the setting sun casts shadows across the hills, and a warm breeze blows, ain't that just...

...awetumn?

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/hypervelocityvomit
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 28 2018
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A few birds were sitting in the sun in our backyard, and my cat was desperate to catch and eat them.

He loves basking robins.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 16 2018
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I was explaining how to make Sun Tea to my daughter and she asked if she could make it in a pot instead of a jar.

I told her that if she did that, she would make potty.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/garlocka
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 11 2018
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If a goose can fly away from the sun at 20mph, how fast can he fly toward the sun?

puts hand over eyes and flaps the other arm like a wing 10mph.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 13
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/floragenocide
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 12 2018
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The Sun has such a small suitcase!

Apparently it's to travel light.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Miawe
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 07 2016
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Bread is a lot like the sun

It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist

๐Ÿ‘︎ 33
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ThineGreatPotato
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
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How does the moon give the sun a haircut?

Eclipse it

๐Ÿ‘︎ 213
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/h2orat
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 15 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What does a cow make when the sun comes up

A shadow

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/pump_action_straw
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
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The sun is really just a space heater
๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/IndiaVenom
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
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