A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"
"Yes, my master, I have."
"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"
"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."
"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"
"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."
"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."
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︎ Jan 10 2021
Whatever you do, don't look at the sun through a colander...
You will strain your eyes
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︎ Oct 02 2020
I was just chillin by the pool on the 4th of July with my 11 yr old. I told him I got a little Sun...
And then you had a growth spurt.
It took him a few minutes...
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︎ Jul 04 2020
Son: Father can you tell me what a solar eclipse is? Father: No sun.
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︎ Jun 18 2020
I once knew a guy that liked to bask in the sun. He touched my circle of friends but did not enter it...
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︎ Jun 16 2020
How does the moon give the sun a great hairdo?
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︎ May 27 2020
After a long and terrible Autumn, the Sun was shining once again and the trees were finally put at ease.
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︎ Jul 21 2020
I had a friend who started crying and said he somehow once saw the sun rising in the west instead of the east.
He thought it was upsetting.
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︎ Jul 01 2020
I don't want a sun or a daughter
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︎ Jul 26 2019
Bread is a lot like the sun
It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist
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︎ Apr 19 2020
Three fruits decided to have a dragrace match. The Lemon prepared by practcing driving skills, the orange by studying the appropriate tecniques, the grape by relaxing in the sun. Who won?
The grape. He was the only one who went raisin.
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︎ Jun 24 2020
What happens when you give the sun a gun?
It becomes a shooting star.
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︎ Dec 29 2019
A realtor showing a house to a couple says: โThis is the sun room.โ
The man goes, โOk great, now where do I put my daughters?โ
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︎ Apr 17 2020
I blow into a dog whistle every time I see the sun setting
It's always nice to end the day on a high note
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︎ Mar 06 2020
What does a cow make when the sun comes up?
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︎ Jan 30 2020
The Sun and Moon walked into a coffee shop today...
Sun: "Oh man, I forgot my wallet!"
Moon: "Don't worry, I'll cover you."
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︎ Aug 21 2017
I knew a guy who wore a hat with an extra long bill. He said it was to protect his nose from the sun. I asked him why is that?
He said....
No one likes a brown nose.
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︎ Jan 10 2020
The police are looking for a man who is running up to strangers and blocking the sun from reaching them
They describe him as a shady character
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︎ Jul 26 2019
I like to keep a photo of the Sun on my phone. When people ask me if I have any kids, I start telling 'em about my son and how bright he is. I then pull out the phone to show them the photo.
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︎ Dec 02 2018
When I was a child I wondered where the sun went at night
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︎ Jun 07 2019
What do you call a nearby roof that's been in the sun all day?
Hot shingles in your area.
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︎ Jul 20 2019
I went for a walk with my pregnant wife last night who commented that it felt nice since there was no sun.
Me: "Of course there isn't. The doctor already said we're having a girl."
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︎ Aug 06 2019
Someone told me that there is a name for a measurement from the earth to the sun. That's pretty large I said
It must be one astronomical unit.
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︎ May 20 2019
How does a sun god say sorry
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︎ Mar 17 2019
What does the sun and a loaf of bread have in common?
They both rise in the yeast
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︎ Aug 20 2018
I went to a fund raiser for dolphins recently. Since it was Florida, canopies protected the participants from the sun. The mayor got up to speak.
He said, "for all in tents and porpoises, we come together to raise funds."
Something like that might be a good joke... someday...
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︎ May 24 2019
A green-energy bakery just announced their new sun-baked bread.
While it's cooking, the sign reads "suns out, buns out."
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︎ May 31 2019
I'm directing a cowboy film called "The Sun"...
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︎ Sep 15 2017
What kind of rating does a movie about the Sun get?
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︎ Jun 06 2019
The sun had just come out and I was standing on a hill with my father when he said
Careful this could have been an end game spoiler!
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︎ Apr 24 2019
What do you call it when a grape gets paid to sit in the sun all day?
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︎ Mar 20 2019
The sun is really just a space heater
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︎ Jan 14 2019
Sun of a beach
What do you get when you drop your waffle on a beach in California?
a sandy eggo
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︎ Jul 31 2018
What do you call a basketball player who's been in the sun for too long?
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︎ Dec 16 2018
What do you see, when you hold a bottle of Mexican beer towards the sun during a solar eclipse?
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︎ Jan 07 2019
I completed another lap around the Sun, but I only get half a minute to celebrate today.
It's my thirty-second birthday.
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︎ Feb 18 2019
If you leave a grape out in the hot sun, it will shrivel and dry up.
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︎ Aug 22 2016
NASA was having a debate over the Sunโs size..
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︎ Jul 09 2018
When the leaves are falling, the setting sun casts shadows across the hills, and a warm breeze blows, ain't that just...
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︎ Mar 28 2018
A few birds were sitting in the sun in our backyard, and my cat was desperate to catch and eat them.
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︎ Jul 16 2018
I was explaining how to make Sun Tea to my daughter and she asked if she could make it in a pot instead of a jar.
I told her that if she did that, she would make potty.
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︎ Jul 11 2018
If a goose can fly away from the sun at 20mph, how fast can he fly toward the sun?
puts hand over eyes and flaps the other arm like a wing
10mph.
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︎ Mar 12 2018
The Sun has such a small suitcase!
Apparently it's to travel light.
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︎ Sep 07 2016
Bread is a lot like the sun
It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist
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︎ Apr 19 2020
How does the moon give the sun a haircut?
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︎ Aug 15 2017
What does a cow make when the sun comes up
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︎ Jan 27 2019
The sun is really just a space heater
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︎ Aug 22 2018
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