A Puppis Puns

So I’m reffing a local puppy bowl (where a bunch of puppies up for adoption play “football” with each other). As the ref I need to say funny football puppy puns whole time such as “ruffing the passer”. Any ideas on good football puppy puns? Thanks.

I told him there called son’s of bitches

Because it's the best thing for a hot dog

Right away when we got home he made a bolt for the door.

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So I named him gnaw-it-all

...all they had to say was "get Elon little doggie".

no, that’s a top dog

A new yorky

Before you let your kids get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.

Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.

1. Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.
2. Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wees...poo poos, quickly please
3. Stuff your pockets with plastic bags and pick up all the poo you can find, obviously not your dogs as you have not bought it yet ??
4. Start wearing your shoes indoors, especially during muddy times
5. Collect leaves off the ground and spread them on the floor
6. Carry sticks and branches indoors and chop them up on your carpet
7. Pour cold apple juice on the rug and floor....walk barefooted over it in the dark
8. Drop some chocolate pudding on your carpet in the morning and then try to clean it in the evening
9. Wear socks to which you have made holes using a blender
10. Jump out of your favorite chair just before the movie ends and run to open the back door
11. Cover all your best clothes with dog hair, dark clothes with blond hairs and light clothes with dark hairs
12. Tip all just ironed clothes on the floor
13. Make little pin holes in all your furniture, especially chair and table legs
14. When doing dishes, splash water all over the place and don't wipe it.
15. Spread toilet paper all over the house when you leave the house and tidy up when you get back home
16. Forget any impulse holidays and/or breaks
17. Always go straight home after work or school
18. Go for walks no matter what the weather, and inspect every dirty paper, chewing gum and dead fly you might find
19. Stand at your back door at five in the morning shouting, "Bring Mr Bumble and Mr Lion in, its raining.”
20. Wake up at 3am. Place a correct size bag of flour on top of yourself and try to sleep, whilst wiping your face with a dishcloth, which you have left next to your bed in a bowl last week.
    Repeat everyday over 6 months and if you still think getting a puppy sounds like a good idea, Congratulations, you might be ready for your kids to get your puppy.

A guy sees a sign in front of a house:

"Talking Dog for Sale."

He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the mutt replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

The owner says, "Ten dollars."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?"

The owner replies, "'Cause he's fucking liar. He didn't do any of that shit."

He’s a shar pei.

She was ticketed for littering.

They are going cheap

A Subwoofer

Puppernickel! :)

The wet nose.

Because nature abhors a vacuum

So I bought a puppy to cheer myself up !

"What does that mean?" they asked.

"It just looks like you've had a ruff day."

Hide its shovel

[Mom, dad, SO, I eating Chinese food before Billy Joel concert]

[Finishing up, dad notices bunch of fortune cookies left in the box to be thrown out]

Dad: "You gonna throw all these away?"

Mom: "...are you gonna eat all of them?"

Me: "No reason to throw them out, they're worth a fortune.........."

.......It sounded much better before I typed it all out, I hope it comes across as good as it did that night.

more like dad revelations. I was pulling up carpet and padding Sunday because we adopted two very rude Husky puppies last year that like to urinate in the house. As I was working, I was listening to Parliment Funkadelic on Pandora and I came to the realization that I was listening to P-Funk as I was dealing with pee funk.
Another thing that happened the same day was I took an opened bag of bird feed out of the closet to pull the carpet up and when I looked at it a bit later, I saw beetles all over the bag and crawling on the counter where I had set it. Probably 40 of the little suckers. I had to text my wife about that one. "Honey, I've got bad news. Our bag of bird feed has been infested with beetles. Yes, our bird feed has been infested with... more bird feed."
Anyway, just thought I would share. Carry on with the groaners.

Me: "Nope. He follows his own dogma."

Wife almost threw an omelette at me.

You should always buy two puppies and name them 'one' and 'two'

Incase one runs away, you still have two.

Me: "He's just brushing his teeth."
Entire family: GROAN.

I have no clue when their next birthday will be...

i'll call it "Puppies by the Pound"

Puppy

An awww sum

Me: What's his name?

Her: His name is Jackson, I chose it because his dads name is Jack.

I just walk off laughing, It was great.

Dad: he's going to have to start wearing a tuxedo after that. Me: what are you talking about? Dad: well if he's gonna be impotent he's gotta look impotent.

Cue me groaning and him cracking up.

Do you know what she named it?

Adog.

-- a myDad Original and what he believes to be his best comedic work to date

Wife instructs her: "leaf it!"

“Puppy”, they replied. “What’s a baby cat?” “Kitten”, they said. “What’s a baby shark?” “Doo doo da doo da doo” ... true story 🙄

Saw a can of dog food with puppies on it. Asked my son if he wanted to see what dog from a can tastes like. The look on his face was priceless

A puppy, I thought. I said to her, how old? She said, 11 actually. I said, by God! You look at least 50!

The dog was given a fine for littering

So I bought a puppy to cheer myself up