A Hard Day Puns

I knead a hug

She didn't really seem to appreciate the sketch but it went on the fridge anyway...

Edit: I thunk up a better punchline.

She said "What's he doing? Is this normal??? It isn't even Easter".

I said "Oh him? That's Egg-Sell-Ent"

He was Satired'

And chill out.

A new last name.

They’re all pretty brainless.

Why do you beehive like this?

I just needed something to fall back on

The Bucharest.

In an effort to cheer him up, his wife says “Honey I have great news! I found a great deal on a vacation for us next week! We’re going to Peru!” The husband says “Peru?! That’s fantastic! Alpaca suitcase!”

Just ice

And he says, "bartender I've a had a really hard day at work I need a drink." And the bartender then says, "wait you're a piece of string, I can't serve you!" So the string leaves. Then he gets an idea, he ties himself in a knot and unravels his ends. Then he walks back in and the bartender says, "hey aren't you that string that just left?" To which he replies, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

Me: "Man, I am exhausted, I busted my ass today."

Dad: "I can tell, there's a crack in it."