I made this for a art class 6 years ago to show my understanding of foreground midground and background in a illustration.
It took me 6 years to kick the habit
Years ago my little sister (6 @ the time) was building a popsicle-stick bridge in class and her classmate kept insisting it wasn't good enough. "It has to be perfect" ...
He said this over and over
Finally, baby sis turns to him and says : "what's your name again?"
"It's Josh"... He said, confused 🤔
Baby sis : "That's right. It's not Jesus!"
True story 😂
When I was 6 years old I stuck my finger in a pencil sharpener. I twisted it a few times and almost passed out from the pain.
Turns out I wasn't the sharpest kid after all
I was stuck on 3rd shift for 6 years and finally made 1st shift……
The difference is night and day.
Bobby Shumurda free after 6 years?
Dang, it feels like that was about A WEEK AGO...
I'm 6'6", 280lb, and I've played piano for 23 years
The doc gave me 6 months to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 20 years
Only 6 years! (X-post from /r/facebookwins)
I picked up the piano when I was 6 years old
I was the strongest 6 year old in the country
6 years ago today on my birthday. The Baltimore Ravens have won two Super Bowls, both on February 3rd. All a Baltimore boy would like for his cake day is some purple fever! I believe #20 intercepted Colin's ball hence "Ed Reads". I crack myself up.
A friend of mine told me that Dick Vitale has looked the same for the past 6-7 years..
I guess you could say he hasn't lost any of his..Vitale-ity
This morning, my 6 year-old said to me…
“Dad, I’m coughing.“ So of course I respond with, “Hi coughing, I’m dad.“
He stops and says in an exasperated six-year-old voice, “No! I’m co….”
pauses
“No! I’m cou….”
pauses
“I have a cough!”
He is picking this up quickly.
My 6-year-old son wrote this joke… Why does Shrek have no hair?
Well, because he’s bald.
Maybe it’s just late and I got the nighttime giggles, but had me about dyin’ for a minute.
(My 6 year old’s first homemade joke) What kind of clothes do cats wear to bed?
6 year old came home with this one. She always giggles before the punchline: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
My 6 year olds just told me this at breakfast. “What does a cow with no lips say?”
I got my 6 year old so good and she actually understood it. I cracked myself up in the process
I was holding my daughter in the living room and she saw the jewelry making kit she got for Christmas. She asked me to make her a necklace.
So I immediately dropped her.
She held on to me and dangled with her arms around my neck.
"There, you're a necklace."
Taken to town by my 6 year old
Hey all,
I thought I would share a wholesome yet hilarious jab at me my daughter unintentionally made last night.
I honestly can’t remember what joke I made last night but it’s one that we would all make. akin to the “kid comes up and days I’m hungry” joke. I chuckle to myself.
My 6 year old responds
Daughter: “Mom, is Dad still learning to tell jokes?”
Wife: “No sweetie why do you ask?”
Daughter deadpan face and tone: “Because that wasn’t funny.”
Last year, my friend William moved to China and spent 6 months teaching ESL. He ended up falling in love and getting married. And now?
Where there’s a Will, there’s a Wei.
From my 6 year old "What do you call a Lion with no eyes?"
My 6 year old wanted me to share his joke with you all. What is a horses favorite store?
My 6 year old twins were learning about organs like the brain and the heart and the kidney and…
One of them says “No this is a Kid Knee” with a smirk while pointing to his knee! I about died laughing.
From my 6 year old. Why did the nutcracker cross the road?
My 6 year old - where do fish keep their money.
This was a simple question but it wasn’t. As I wasn’t paying attention I said I don’t know, where
He has this naughty smile on his face and says : RiverBank
My 6 year old French daughter has a knack for painting gorgeous landscapes of the sea that our house overlooks.
I guess you could say that she has got a sense of hue-mer.
My 6-year old today: "Why can't skeletons play music in church?"
"Because they don't have any organs!"
I'm obviously raising this kid right.
Courtesy of my 6 year old son
How do you get a giraffe into a fridge?
(In 3 steps)
- Open the fridge
- Put the giraffe in the fridge
- Close the fridge
How do you get an elephant into a fridge?
(In 4 steps this time)
- Open the fridge
- Take the giraffe OUT!
- Put elephant in
- Close the fridge!
How do you get a lion to take an elevator?
... No steps this time, daddy, he took the elevator!
My 6 year old told me this one today. Why do dogs carry bones in their mouths?
Because they don't have pockets.
What is an Air Fryer's favorite food? (Courtesy of my 6 year old)
Air-vrything.
I'm so proud.
My 6 year old daughter is getting in on the pun game!
I received a Mjölnir bottle opener for Christmas. My daughter just held it up and asked “what is this (pause for dramatic effect) Thor?”
My 6 year old just told me this joke... What's stronger than a fortune cookie?
My 6 year old asked me my favorite color...
I like Green more than Yellow and Blue combined
6 year old daughter hit me with this.
Dad can I have some fries?
You can have A fry.
Well I want B fry.
From my 6 year old nephew
My sister was scratching her son's back at bedtime while they talked. She told him it was time for bed.
Him: "Please don't go yet."
Her: "OK, but you have to lie quietly."
Him: (Whispering) "I'm 21 years old."
My 6 year old: “Dad, did you fart on your wallet?”
Me: “I may have… why?”
My kid: “Great, now you have some gas money”
Kids got better dad jokes than me!
My 6 year old told me this one... "Did you hear about the guy who got sick at a funeral?"....
He was Coffin all morning.
My 6 year old said: You can’t eat eggs for breakfast, lunch, AND dinner!
You’ll get a tummyegg. So proud
So proud of my 6 year old. While teaching her to hit a softball, I told her to “square up on the ball”
She replied “the ball is round daddy” (with a straight face) So I tell her “no, what I mean is, get mad! I want you to hit the ball really hard like if you were mad at it!”
She grabs the ball, stares right at it and says “I’M REALLY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU, BALL!” Then throws it right back at me.
Proud dad moment.
My 6 year old this morning: There's a pear-boy in my class
Me: There's a boy in your class that really loves pears?
6: Apparrrrrrrently
My 6 year old daughter was listening to music with me and came up with this one: What is a bananas favorite Tom Petty song?
You Dont Know How It Peels
It’s Father’s Day and my 6 year old got me a gift. She asked me “Daddy, when is it present time?”
I said it’s always present time
True story: My family and I were walking at an apple orchard today when my 6-year-old noticed a discarded apple and asked "Why is there an apple under a pine tree?"
I responded without missing a beat, "That, my son, is a pine apple."
Shoutout to the mom passing by who witnessed and appreciated this gem.
I was dismayed this afternoon when my wife told me my 6-year-old son wasn't actually mine.
She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.
Proud dad moment. Joke from my soon to be 6 year old daughter. “How did the bee get to school?”
“On the buzzzzz.” So proud.
My 6 year old gave occupations to the Planters Mixed Nuts.
Cashews are bankers.
Peanuts are urologists.
And Chestnuts are plastic surgeons.
A German Family consisting of a Mom, Dad, 8-year-old son, and 6-year-old daughter walk into a bar.
The Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your kind here."
I had to undergo a 6 week course of radiotherapy last year on my salivary glands.
Every week, I had an appointment with a doctor where they would ask me about my health. They would ask me the same usual questions. This is how it would go:
Dr: Do you get a dry mouth?
Me: Yes but I drink water to compensate.
Dr: Any issues with hearing?
Me: Sorry?
Dr (louder): any issues with hearing?
Me: Beg your pardon?
Dr starts laughing
"I Lost My Job" Puns
My daughter and I have been trading these. Here is our current list - would love to hear more!
- I lost my job at the chess factory. I couldn’t work knights.
- I lost my job at the bank. A lady asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over.
- I lost my job at the keyboard factory. I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.
- I lost my job at the calendar factory. I took too many days off.
- I lost my job as a maze designed. I got lost in my work.
- I lost my job as an electrician. I was shocked!
- I lost my job as a psychic. I didn’t see it coming!
- I lost my job at the funeral home. Apparently, the options are “cremation” or “burial,” not “smoking” or “non-smoking.”
- I lost my job as an astronomer. I thought my work was looking up!
- I lost my job as a cyber criminal. I couldn’t hack it.
- I lost my job as a human cannonball. I got fired!
- I lost my job as a garbage collector. I had no training but I thought I would pick it up as I go.
- I lost my job as a math teacher, same job I’ve had since 2000. That’s 46 years down the drain!
- I lost my job in pool maintenance. It was too draining.
- I lost my job as a fisherman. I didn’t make enough net income.
- I lost my job as a baker. I really kneaded the dough!
- I lost my job as a historian. There was no future in it.
- I lost my job as a tour guide in Australia. I did not have the right koalafications.
- I lost my job at the upholstery repair shop. I may never recover.
- I lost my job as a massage therapist. I rubbed people the wrong way.
- I lost my job as a seamstress. And I tried sew hard.
- I lost my job as a musician. I just wasn’t noteworthy.
- I lost my job at the unemployment office. And I still need to go back there tomorrow.
- I lost my job feeding giraffes. I just wasn’t up to it.
- I lost my job as a water slide attendant. My career is going down the tubes.
- I lost my job at the paper shredding factory. It was a tearable job.
- I lost my job as a drummer. I’m sure there will be repercussions.
- I lost my job as a pole vaulter. I'll never get over it.
- I lost my job as a pet groomer. I couldn’t make heads or tails of it.
- I lost my job as a pastry tester. That job was a piece of cake.
- I lost my job as a mirror inspector. I could see myself doing that for a long time.
- I lost my job as a yoga instructor. I bent over backwards for them.
- I lost my job at Dunkin. It’s ok, I was fed up wit
...
keep reading on reddit ➡
(From my 6 year old daughter) what did the blanket say to the bed?
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