24 Hours to Live Puns

He asked which do you want first? The man replied, "The bad news. "

The doctor says exacerbated, "Okay, you've got 48 hours to live. "

The man then asks, "What's the terrible news? "

The doctor tells him, " I've been trying to reach you for 24 hours!"

Me: What’s the bad news Doc?

Doctor: The test results show you only have 24 hours left to live.

Me: WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE WORSE THAN THAT?!?!

Doctor: I forgot to call you yesterday…

A dog sleeps about 20 hours a day.

He has his food prepared for him.

He can eat whenever he wants, 24/7/365.

His meals are provided at no cost to him.

By the way he does not need to pay for medical insurance.

He visits the doctor once a year for his checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this he pays nothing and nothing is required of him.

He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs, but he is not required to do any upkeep.

If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.

He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep.

He receives these accommodations absolutely free.

He is living like a King, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.

All of his costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.

I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head.......

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A dog is like a “POLITICIAN”

Dad: Man, it really is a winter wonderland out there. (We live in Wisconsin, lots of snow for the last 24 hours)

Girlfriend: Really? You still think that after all the shoveling you guys have been doing?

Dad: Yeah. It makes me wonder why the hell I still live in a place with winters like this.

My girlfriend did not see it coming. I have much to learn.