Just finished watching a film about a serial killer who dresses up in brightly coloured sweaters....
It's called 'Knitwear On Elm Street.'
What do you call someone who can't stop watching films with strong female leads?
David Bowie starred in the film labyrinth
As a kid I thought this film was aMAZEing
When I was a poor, struggling actor, I had to take a job getting spanked in a BDSM film just to pay the rent...
...yes, I was really strapped for cash back then.
Downloaded film Titanic for the family to watch this evening. Annoyingly Video and Sound has come across in separate files.
My friend got a role as an extra in a film. His job was to approach the lead actor and comb her hair away from the middle of her head...
Weird film trivia: I just found out that Thandie Newton's character from Mission: Impossible 2 was originally going to appear in Goldeneye, but her part was cut when they decided to film in Russia.
What is the fastest growing city in the world?
Capital of Ireland
It's Dublin everyday
There will be point in the future when Canada will take over the world.
And then you will all be sorry.
In surgery my doctor said, "So what do we have here?" I replied that I broke my arm in 12 places."
He replied, "Well, stop going to those places then!"
In honor of Mother’s Day, I’d just like to say,
“thank you for your cervix.”
I've started a boat building business in my attic...
...sails are going through the roof.
Have you seen who's playing the lead in the new Blind Batman film?
Guys, today was my first day in the navy and I felt so lost!
Did you know the film “Speed” had no director?
If it had direction, it would be called “Velocity”.
He gave the toy horses a home in his ___
A man walks in to a bar with a piece of asphalt
The man says to the bartender “1 for me, and 1 for the road”
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
True story, just happened, proud of myself: Dog starts barking furiously out of nowhere. Come to the door to see she's startled a pair of guys from a roofing company who've come to fix a hole where squirrels are getting in.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
Falling in love is dangerous.
I wish Covid-19 had started in Las Vegas.
Because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
What’s the difference between in-laws & out-laws?
Why shouldn't you put more than 239 beans in a soup?
Because adding just one more would make it too farty. Straight from my 7 year old daughter.
Edit: Thank you so much for the awards and upvotes. I showed my daughter how many people saw and appreciated her humor and she's extatic. I know she probably didn't come up with the joke herself but this was one of the first times she really got me with a good one and I thought I'd share it with some fellow dads and others.
My socially anxious friend just got a PhD in palindrome studies.
What did the film director say when she was asked what was on her plate?
I'm in a band called Dyslexia....
We've just released our Greatest Shit album.
Get that extra pep in your step from this well
The cast of “Friends” got stuck at sea in a boat, but thankfully nothing happened.
What's your favourite blue spiky master film director?
I am reading a horror novel in Braille.
Something bad is gonna happen, I can feel it.
At least he won't turn over in his grave.
I just finished making a short film in Russia about Vin Diesel’s body double.
It’s considered a Vin nyet.
I told my daughter, “Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.” Puzzled, she asked, “What’s that got to do with anything?” I chuckled, "Well, that means..."
I finally finished my training film for army commanding officers after more than 18 attempts.
What flavour is the toothpaste in jail?
Though I did find the color palate of this particular film rather surprising
(Warning: Morbid dad joke) True Story -- My family were planning my mum's funeral. We always try to keep things light and try to stay positive, just as Mum would have it...
The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.
Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.
The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:
"What's sarong with that?"
I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).
His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.
--Edit--
I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)
--Edit--
Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.
What type of film goes well with pizza?
A cheese factory had exploded in France
There was nothing left but de Brie.
My boss always laughed at my jokes at work but since the pandemic she never laughs at them in Zoom chats. I asked her why doesn't she laugh at them anymore.
She replied, "Because your jokes aren't remotely funny."
I filmed and screened an entire documentary series on terrorism.
Can't wait to see Liam Neeson's new film..
'Taken::::Out of context.'
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
What's the highest rank in the popcorn army?
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