Why did the art thief’s van run out of gas as he drove away from the museum?

Because he had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh

πŸ‘︎ 96
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I went to the museum and saw a painting of a criminal, who claimed his innocence and insisted the police planted evidence.

The frame was remarkable

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Strungen
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Night at the Museum 43
πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ProjectBudgetCuts
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the student say after visiting the Thomas Edison Museum?

I enjoyed being enlightened

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/billgluckman7
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm not happy because I have to work at the museum tonight moving suits of armor.

I hate knight shifts.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/uhavethebiggay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife and I went to the Museum of Medicine and we were browsing the exhibits...

Wife: "Look, they used to treat pain with willow bark".

Me: "I'll give that one 3 stars".

Wife: "This one is about the invention of antibiotics".

Me: "I'll give it 8 out of 10".

Wife: "Apparently, they used give people cowpox to protect them from smallpox".

Me: "Definitely 2 thumbs up".

Wife: "Why do you keep doing that?".

Me: "I'm the curator of this museum"!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
They moved the penis museum from Iceland to Denmark.

They classified it as a dick move.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Darr1ss
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I just read in the newspaper: "Painting stolen from art museum found by a set of dustbins."

Those dustbins must be very intelligent.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
It's a air and space museum
πŸ‘︎ 91
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/declandrury
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to the blind museum today. It really sucked.

I couldn't see a thing!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
So I was out at the museum with my daughter today and got the ultimate dad joke in. Employee asks kids "Does anyone know the difference between a Crocodile and an Alligator?"

One will see you later and the other will see you in a while?

Daughter groaned, employee laughed, other dad's nodded approvingly.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Darkbow85
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw my ex girlfriend standing on the opposite side of the museum hall, and I was too self conscious to say hello.

There was so much history between us.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
If Da Vinci saw the Mona Lisa in an art museum,

I think he would have Louvred it

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JAWICA2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to a museum to feed the animals

but they were all stuffed.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the skeleton go to the museum?

Because it wanted to go see the skull-ptures.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WatchOutItsAdam
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a really ugly painting in the museum

turns out, it was a mirror.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aNotSoShortName
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Very cool museum
πŸ‘︎ 946
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jothebest75
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
🚨︎ report
[At the museum] My wife: Do you think we are allowed to take pictures?

Me: No, I think they need to stay on the wall.

πŸ‘︎ 132
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I was at the museum and saw a painting of a bowl, with milk and some kind of food inside.

It was surreal.

πŸ‘︎ 156
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NameTheTrait
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I took my kids to two museums today!

It was kinda fun. Same old, same old.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to the museum today

Nothing new there.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommyWiseaus_butt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I was at the museum recently

I asked a worker there if I was allowed to take pictures.

He said no, they had to stay on the walls

πŸ‘︎ 175
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AhPigeons
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I was just reminiscing with my family about our last visit to the Clock Museum.

Good times.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Seen at Museum of Natural History in London
πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ana_Xr
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
🚨︎ report
In a museum, found the boring bit
πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FloopersRetreat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend is weirdly addicted to going to museums and kissing Impressionist paintings.

He puts his Monet where his mouth is.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
This museum in Sydney
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kerremit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
🚨︎ report
There was an accident in the Paleontology section of a Natural History Museum where multiple dinosaur skeletons collapsed and were broken beyond repair. The directors of the museum were concerned that visitors wouldn't visit that section anymore ...

but visitors still showed up to view the
Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EyeWunderY
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I decided to quit my job and become a museum curator, but to be honest

I'm just doing it for the Monet

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NeerCrimson
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Took the family to the Star Trek museum today, and we were the 10,000th visitor.

We won the Enter Prize!

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Just been to the National Helium Museum.

I really can't speak highly enough of it!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to the Air and Space Museum.

It was an empty building.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IranRPCV
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
My son gets really excited when we go to the natural history museum. When he gets near the prehistoric bones, he just explodes with excitement and I can't deal with is new strength.

I'm just not qualified to handle his dino-might.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/leniski1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What is a museum about cows called?

A Moo-seum.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Woodscare
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Breaking News: Vandals broke into the Origami Museum last night

Will keep you posted as the story unfolds.

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/motleyblondie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Wife: "Oh, wow. I didn't know there was a watch museum here. Why have we never been?"

Me: "I guess we've just never had the time."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TurtleTurtleDuck
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2016
🚨︎ report
I'm saddened to announce that due a recent warehose fire, I'm going to have to scrap my plans for a road side advertisement museum.

I really should have seen it coming. All the signs were there.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/entropolous
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Vandals have attacked the National Origami Museum in Tokyo...

We'll keep you updated as the story unfolds...

πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
🚨︎ report
I found this in the Lenin-museum in Tampere
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IAmALoser44
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the famous clock in the art museum work?

It was a timeless piece of art

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StuntsMonkey
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the British Museum Director say in the Egyptian exhibit?

I want me Mummy!

I came up with this lame joke myself, not sure if it counts as a dad joke... but most dad jokes are lame, and it's a lame joke, so... yeah!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JaninnaMaynz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm annoyed because I had to work at the museum tonight moving suits of armour.

I hate knight shifts.

πŸ‘︎ 103
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/orduk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
[At the museum] Her: Do you think we’re allowed to take pictures?

Me: No. I think they need to stay on the wall.

πŸ‘︎ 185
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I was at the museum and I saw my ex girlfriend across the hall, but was too self conscious to say hello.

There was too much history between us.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw my ex-girlfriend standing on the other side of the museum, but I didn’t go and say hi.

There was just too much history between us.

πŸ‘︎ 746
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2018
🚨︎ report
I was just at the museum

and I asked a worker there if we were allowed to take pictures.

He told me no, as they have to stay on the walls.

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AhPigeons
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to the air and space museum yesterday

There was nothing there

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Teague-McPhearson
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.