Most people have 32 teeth. Some have 4....

It's simple meth.

πŸ‘︎ 105
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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The longest I've ever made love for is 1 hour, 2 minutes and 32 seconds...

... I love it when the clocks go forward!

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinnber
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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Errors are red, screen is blue, i think i deleted, system 32.
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hallower87
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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My wife’s 32 today but I’m only allowed to celebrate my wife’s birthday for half a minute

After all it is her thirty second birthday

πŸ‘︎ 87
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Squidgyboat5955
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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Math can be so hard sometimes. The problem was, "Sally had 32 pennies. She gave 32 pennies away to her friend Robin. How many pennies does Sally have left?"

It just makes no cents.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/0lSherlockl0
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
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My girlfriend is turning 32 soon...

I've told her not to get her hopes up. "After all," I say, "we're only going to be celebrating it for half a minute." When she asked what in the world I was talking about, I pointed out, "This is your thirty-second birthday."

For the life of me, I can't figure why doesn't think this is hilarious. I keep making sure to remind her of it every time we are around new people. Hopefully if she hears the joke enough she will start to appreciate it.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Giovanni469
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
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My daughter: I'm turning 32 next week so I want to celebrate in a big way

Me: Okay but don't get your hopes up we're only going to celebrate for half a minute.

She: What? Why?

Me: Because it's your thirty-second birthday

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
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How much is 2/32?

One minute.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rover359
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
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It's hard to believe, but 40 - 32 / 2 = 4!
πŸ‘︎ 95
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2018
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Hey baby, are you 32 ounces?

Cause you are 1 qt ;)

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nine_legged_stool
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2018
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Studies show you can run 32% farther if you apply a bit of glue to your feet before you run.

It's all about pasting yourself.

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LYKAF0XX
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2013
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The perfect length of time for a nap is 32 minutes.

I've done some pretty exhaustive research on this.

Courtesy of my Dad this Thanksgiving.

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/daphodil
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2016
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Sent this to a friend of mine at 2:32 AM

http://i.imgur.com/JGW0oGf.png

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UltimaTR
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2015
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I finally bought the limited edition Thesaurus that I've always wanted. When I opened it, all the pages were blank

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

πŸ‘︎ 234
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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What’s the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
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What starts with an E and ends with an E, but often only has one letter?
πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sacca7
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2017
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My girlfriend gave me a list of things she'd like to do for her 32nd birthday

I told her there's no way we could do all that in 30 seconds.

πŸ‘︎ 278
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
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Why don't cows wear flip flops?

They lactose.

Edit test.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/derawin07
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2018
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β€œWhat day is today, Adam?”

β€œFor the last time, it’s Christmas, Eve.”

Edit: Thanks for so much love. Merry Xmas!

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2017
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By the time my brother got out of the 4th grade, we all knew what he was gonna be when he left high school

32

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrChiggs
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
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True story: We we’re driving in the car today when my five year old found an umbrella and opened it...

My wife yelled at him to close it immediately, as it wasn’t safe in a moving vehicle. I told her it wasn’t a big deal since both of our vehicles have umbrella insurance.

The kids didn’t get it but it elicited a nice groan from the wife, so I’m pretty sure it counts.

πŸ‘︎ 386
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The1hangingchad
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2018
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How many amoeba does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  1. No, 2. No wait 4! 8 16 32...
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/My_Name_Is_JoeJoe
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
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How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

I’ll tell ya later

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/missile500
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
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Some of the gem's of Steven Wright

The work of Steven Wright, he's the famous Erudite (comic) scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates."

1 Β  - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2Β Β  - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

3Β Β  - Half the people you know are below average.

4Β Β  - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

6 Β  - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7Β Β  - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8 Β  - If you want the rainbow, you have got to put up with the rain.

9 Β  - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ...... But she left me before we met.

12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.

19 - I intend to live forever... So far, so good.

21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name.

25 - If at first, you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

26 - A conclusion is a place where you got tired of thinking.

27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

34 - If at first, you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ksbalaji
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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You hear about the guy who got his entire left side cut off? He’s all right now!

Sadly there’s nothing left of him.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheManicMonocle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2018
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If you have a 6:30 appointment, you can always be late by a couple of minutes.

Because 6:32 is 6:30 too.

πŸ‘︎ 879
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2018
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I like playing chess with old people in the park...

But it's kind of hard to find 32 of them.

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shasnas69
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
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Cuz its the temperature

Me: I'm taking a college class about what it's like 32 degrees below the freezing point of water.

My friend: Cool, do you mind telling me what it's called?

Me: 0F course.

https://preview.redd.it/om6zintogpq21.png?width=1300&format=png&auto=webp&s=1b90d0b3afdf51473744930a3c05319b96c00ecb

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/e4c6
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
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A boy asked his Bitcoin-investing dad

...for 10 dollars. The dad replied,"$9.67? Why would you need $10.32 for?"

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AYKW
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
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My Son asked me if the Santa's Elves were the same Elves from Lord of the Rings

I said grow up Son, you're 32 years old.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Waspeater
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2018
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My son was on the phone to his tailor.

"My waist is 32," he told the guy.

"That's not possible," I interjected. "Because you're only 26."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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What time is it?

Me: You have to get up.

Wife: Is it 7:30?

Me: The sequel, actually.

Wife: [pauses] 7:32?

Me: Yep.

Wife: I hate you.

πŸ‘︎ 641
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRealMattKing
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2016
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Isaac Newton was a kewl guy, with his invention of gravity...

But his brother Fig was kinda fruity!

My 32-year-old son just came up with that joke! Proud moment happening right there!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
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My dad had to sing his joke to make sure we got it. Yeah, we got it the first time you said it.

(My sister preparing a pizza for dinner)

Sister: "There are almost no toppings on this pizza, It's just a base."

Dad: "Really? all about the base?"

Me: Yeah, she said there are no toppings on it.

Dad: "It's all about that base, about the base no toppings!"

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Man_Red
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2015
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You got the same genes

So I'm in the kitchen with my brother and dad and I told my brother he wasn't my family and he then said "yes we are we have the same genes" Then my dad chimes in and says "no you don't your brother has a 31'32 Jeans".

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Noisyes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2014
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Fred wants to get married

Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"
With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"
Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlTebehalah
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2015
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Asked my Dad to drop me off to College for 12:30

Sister : "Can you drop me off at 12:30 to please?"

Dad: "12:32? Do I need to be that precise?

He walked off looking quite pleased with himself.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JamesLoganLIES
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2013
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The elevator mechanic father joke reminded me of my dad doing this for 30 years now and still going strong

He drove semi for UPS for 32 years until he retired. He used to tell people he was a "semi professional driver"

eye roll

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_var_log_messages
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2014
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I'm a dad so dad jokes are okay, right?

The staff at work which usually maintain the community centres were changing the light bulbs in my office today. I actually said to them "You have some nice, light work today!" ...I'm pretty sure this makes me an old man : ( I do have two children with a third on the way but I am only 32!

Edit: punctuation

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2013
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My cousin laid this one on me yesterday

Her: "...So it has to be 32 degrees to freeze." Me:"Fair enough." Her: "You mean fahrenheit?" be-dum-tsss

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Haleyraz101
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2014
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Some people have 32 teeth. Some have 6

It's simple meth.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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My girlfriend is turning 32 soon...

I've told her not to get her hopes up. "After all," I say, "we're only going to be celebrating it for half a minute." When she asked what in the world I was talking about, I pointed out, "This is your thirty-second birthday."

For the life of me, I can't figure why doesn't think this is hilarious. I keep making sure to remind her of it every time we are around new people. Hopefully if she hears the joke enough she will start to appreciate it.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spacecatapult
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2016
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Most people have 32 teeth and some have 6, it's simple meth.
πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
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My wife is turning 32 soon...

I’ve told her not to get her hopes up for her birthday. β€œAfter all,” I said, β€œThe celebrations are only going to last half a minute.”

β€œWhat are you talking about?” she asked.

I said, β€œIt’s your thirty-second birthday.”

πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2017
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Every time...

0:00 0:01 0:02 0:03 0:04 0:05 0:06 0:07 0:08 0:09 0:10 0:11 0:12 0:13 0:14 0:15 0:16 0:17 0:18 0:19 0:20 0:21 0:22 0:23 0:24 0:25 0:26 0:27 0:28 0:29 0:30 0:31 0:32 0:33 0:34 0:35 0:36 0:37 0:38 0:39 0:40 0:41 0:42 0:43 0:44 0:45 0:46 0:47 0:48 0:49 0:50 0:51 0:52 0:53 0:54 0:55 0:56 0:57 0:58 0:59 1:00 1:01 1:02 1:03 1:04 1:05 1:06 1:07 1:08 1:09 1:10 1:11 1:12 1:13 1:14 1:15 1:16 1:17 1:18 1:19 1:20 1:21 1:22 1:23 1:24 1:25 1:26 1:27 1:28 1:29 1:30 1:31 1:32 1:33 1:34 1:35 1:36 1:37 1:38 1:39 1:40 1:41 1:42 1:43 1:44 1:45 1:46 1:47 1:48 1:49 1:50 1:51 1:52 1:53 1:54 1:55 1:56 1:57 1:58 1:59 2:00 2:01 2:02 2:03 2:04 2:05 2:06 2:07 2:08 2:09 2:10 2:11 2:12 2:13 2:14 2:15 2:16 2:17 2:18 2:19 2:20 2:21 2:22 2:23 2:24 2:25 2:26 2:27 2:28 2:29 2:30 2:31 2:32 2:33 2:34 2:35 2:36 2:37 2:38 2:39 2:40 2:41 2:42 2:43 2:44 2:45 2:46 2:47 2:48 2:49 2:50 2:51 2:52 2:53 2:54 2:55 2:56 2:57 2:58 2:59 3:00 3:01 3:02 3:03 3:04 3:05 3:06 3:07 3:08 3:09 3:10 3:11 3:12 3:13 3:14 3:15 3:16 3:17 3:18 3:19 3:20 3:21 3:22 3:23 3:24 3:25 3:26 3:27 3:28 3:29 3:30 3:31 3:32 3:33 3:34 3:35 3:36 3:37 3:38 3:39 3:40 3:41 3:42 3:43 3:44 3:45 3:46 3:47 3:48 3:49 3:50 3:51 3:52 3:53 3:54 3:55 3:56 3:57 3:58 3:59 4:00 4:01 4:02 4:03 4:04 4:05 4:06 4:07 4:08 4:09 4:10 4:11 4:12 4:13 4:14 4:15 4:16 4:17 4:18 4:19 4:20 4:21 4:22 4:23 4:24 4:25 4:26 4:27 4:28 4:29 4:30 4:31 4:32 4:33 4:34 4:35 4:36 4:37 4:38 4:39 4:40 4:41 4:42 4:43 4:44 4:45 4:46 4:47 4:48 4:49 4:50 4:51 4:52 4:53 4:54 4:55 4:56 4:57 4:58 4:59 5:00 5:01 5:02 5:03 5:04 5:05 5:06 5:07 5:08 5:09 5:10 5:11 5:12 5:13 5:14 5:15 5:16 5:17 5:18 5:19 5:20 5:21 5:22 5:23 5:24 5:25 5:26 5:27 5:28 5:29 5:30 5:31 5:32 5:33 5:34 5:35 5:36 5:37 5:38 5:39 5:40 5:41 5:42 5:43 5:44 5:45 5:46 5:47 5:48 5:49 5:50 5:51 5:52 5:53 5:54 5:55 5:56 5:57 5:58 5:59 6:00 6:01 6:02 6:03 6:04 6:05 6:06 6:07 6:08 6:09 6:10 6:11 6:12 6:13 6:14 6:15 6:16 6:17 6:18 6:19 6:20 6:21 6:22 6:23 6:24 6:25 6:26 6:27 6:28 6:29 6:30 6:31 6:32 6:33 6:34 6:35 6:36 6:37 6:38 6:39 6:40 6:41 6:42 6:43 6:44 6:45 6:46 6:47 6:48 6:49 6:50 6:51 6:52 6:53 6:54 6:55 6:56 6:57 6:58 6:59 7:00 7:01 7:02 7:03 7:04 7:05 7:06 7:07 7:08 7:09 7:10 7:11 7:12 7:13 7:14 7:15 7:16 7:17 7:18 7:19 7:20 7:21 7:22 7:23 7:24 7:25 7:26 7:27 7:28 7:29 7:30 7:31 7:32 7:33 7:34 7:35 7:36 7:37 7:38 7:39 7:40 7:41 7:42 7:43 7:44 7:45 7:46 7:47 7:48 7:49 7:50 7:51 7:52 7:53 7:54 7:55 7:56 7:57 7:58 7:59 8:00 8:01 8:02 8:03 8:04 8:05 8:06 8:07 8:08 8:09 8:10 8:11 8:12 8:13 8:14 8:15 8:16 8:17 8:18 8:19

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 860
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scott_MacGregor
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2015
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