1. What is the most important drink in life?
Vitali-tea.
2. What do you call an uptight man with wet tapestry?
A wet blanket with a wet blanket.
3. Describe an uptight man with an erection holding an alcoholic beverage.
A stiff with a stiff with a stiff.
4. What do you call introverted window blinds?
A shutter-in.
5. What do you call an uncooked deer cookie?
Dat doe dough 'dough.
6. What do you call a plant's religion?
Agri-culture.
7. What do you call a football players' phone charger?
A Charger's phone charger.
8. What do you call a clock tower striking twelve?
High noon.
That's all I got.
Me, "I dunno, what?"
Her, "The fabric of space time!"
She told me that while we were watching the new years show at the space needle lol.
I'm staying at her mothers house, and she said, it's only 8:30 pm and everyone's already ready for bed.
My niece chimes in and says, "not me.", to which i respond, "You don't count."
Without missing a beat, she said, "Yes i do. One, two, three, four."
Opinions.
....or, am I a really bad teacher ?
Heโs trying to cut a panini sandwich and said โThis knife is not gonna cut it.โ
Happy No L!
Pumpkin Pi
A pumpkin patch
NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L...
- Like all cherished things in this covid-crazy world, the O.Henry Museumโs famous free, family friendly celebration of the wit-in-word will take place virtually in cyberspace this year. With an awesome live cast of lively wits and tortured tongues, the online audience will be treated to all the linguistic twists, dramatic turns, and surprise endings theyโve groan to love. Expect to witness wacky word butchers and voracious verbivores from around the globe, all worming their way into your ears. Tongues of tradition, tension and camaraderie make this the premier event for the world's competitive wordplay community
- Brought to you this year by the City of Austin, Brush Square Museums Foundation, and co- sponsored by Austin's very own Fantastic Magic Camp, as well as the internationally renowned podcast, Pun Intensive, The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition will commence Saturday, November 21, 2020
- Preliminary live rounds begin Saturday, November 21, 2020, at 11:00am CST, lasting about 2 hours. Later that evening, live competition resumes at 7:00pm CST with head-to-head prime time heats. - See Pun-Off.com for schedule details, links, and more.
[Austin, TX, November 1, 2020] - Although traditionally held outdoors on a single day in the spring, the first portion 2020 the O. Henry Museum Pun-Off competition known as Punniest of Show was conducted via video in October. Now on Saturday, November 21, 2020, PARD will bring you their most popular second segment, O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition
This free, fun, and family friendly event will take place online this year, but with special twists, turns, and surprise modifications to make it the perfect 2020 event for the world's competitive wordplay community.
The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships have been an Austin institution for 43 years. As usual, the contest will feature a cavalcade of word-class wordsmiths from across the globe, all worming their way into your art. Join and enjoy us as they compete to spontaneously spit out the most absurd words youโve ever heard.
The event will be live streamed at PunIntensive.com.
Flamingo
Me: KEVIN!
It was misread to be Type O blood. I guess you could call it a typo.
I told her I might be running late and asked if we could make it 6:38 instead?
Love Shaq
A suicide boomer
dad: โwhy do i need to make more jokes? iโve already made you
I told him they were the letters of recommendation.
With a pumpkin patch.
Student said โyou said the formula was H to Oโ.
Youโve probably never heard of him.
Maybe it was a sign I should've stopped o-ppressing the keyboard.
He said, โI got back words!โ How did I not see that one coming?
Art class: Pencil Drawing 101
Than a full frontal labotomy
Pew! Pew! Pew!...
He looks at me while heading to the fridge and says, "Hey mum I need ketchup to catch up on these hot dogs"
I laughed for several days and thought I would share it to make someone else smile.
"Bingo."
The answer is obvious.
Ohio
Unholy cheese.
Pumpkin Pi
With a pumpkin patch
Because they're all not 'C's.
opinions
