Zoo Visit Puns

You could say it was a shih tzu.

You might start feeling a little horse

It was a Shih Tzu

It was a shit zoo.

straightaway I knew he was a keeper

Yeah it was a Shih Tzu.

It was a Shih Tzu.

Wife: That horse’s bit looks a little tight, but what do I know?

Me: Well, sounds like you know a bit.

Kids: Ugh, dad!

She was thinking: "That Monk, He's a Prime Mate."

One day I decided that I was going to visit the zoo, and after paying for the ticket I began to wander around.

Each exhibit was bare concrete, with no animals. "strange," I thought pacing down silent paths.

Getting frustrated I started charging toward the center of the zoo, "There's got to be something here, I can't have spent all that money to not see anything, they can't do that to me!". Arriving at the centre of the zoo was a tiny cage, and in the cage was a dog.

It was a shih tzu...

The tur-KEY.

Also, the key to a fun visit to the zoo is the mon-key.

And the key to a great science fiction movies is a Woo-key.

To ensure the maximum amount of eye-rolls, casually drop these into the conversation several minutes apart.

So I'm visiting home in Chicago, and my father took my daughter and I to the zoo. We're at the lion habitat and my dad says to my daughter:

"Hey, you know what that lion is doing? He's just lion around!"

And not 2 seconds later I hear another dad tell his kids:

"Hey! The lion just jumped! Haha no, I'm lion."

Immediately after another dad to his kids:

"You know you can't trust lions, because they're always lion to ya!"

Please send help

A good friend told me a story once. When she was a kid her family would often go to zoos and museums while on vacation. They were in the aviary on one of those visits looking at birds. My friend saw a crow asked the zookeeper a question. "What's the difference between a raven and a crow?" The zookeeper looked at her, smiled and started to answer. "Have you ever heard of a pinion feather?" he said. "Pinions are the the feathers at the tip of a bird's wing that allows it to fly. They are also the ones that people will trim to prevent birds from flying away. Crows have 5 pinion feathers while ravens have 6. So, if you think about it, it's really just a matter of a pinion."

To this day, my friend and her family don't know the real answer to "What's the difference between a crow and a raven?" They are wonderful and intelligent people, but they subscribe to a particular brand of ignorance where a good pun is better than actual knowledge. They call it punorance.

My father volunteers at the zoo in Phoenix and so when we visit he loves to give us tours and lots of information about the animals we see.

We were walking by the coati exhibit and he was noting that coati can turn their feet backwards in order to more easily walk down trees. He then turned to my son and said, "their feet kind of look like bear feet, don't they?"

"Yeah," my son answered.

Dad then asked, "do you know why?"

My son was really interested and asked, "why?"

Completely deadpan, my father looked at him and said, "because they don't have any shoes on."

I was volunteering at a soup kitchen with a friend of mine when she randomly started asking about the zoo being open.

Me: I think they're open, they usually always are.
Her: I've really been wanting to visit, do you want to go?
Me: Today?
Her: No to the zoo.

She then proceeded to laugh for five minutes straight.