Wood Tree Puns

The tree responds, "What Fir?"

but I am going to branch off to different jokes and leaf you alone.

The other replied, “Tiiiiimmmber!”

The lumberjack responded, “And you will dialogue.”

I didn't either.

Cords

Just as he swings back his ax to begin his first chop, the tree cries out : "Wait! Don't cut me down! I am a talking tree!"

The lumberjack momentarily stunned stops, but then goes back to chopping down the tree saying, "Well then mate. I guess you're going to just have to dialog!"

It means my illegal logging business is a success

I can't see the attraction myself

You will dialogue.

Everyone wanted to leaf.

You can look up their skirts, down their tops, and they give you wood.

I believe they're rooted in evil

By its Bark

BamBOO!

Trees spring, winter and summer in the woods too (Because they're stationery).

I "wood" not know because trees don't talk.

One of the natives asks him if it's going to be a cold winter. Takoda, being a new chief, doesn't know the tricks of determining the weather from the animals, clouds, trees, etc. but he also doesn't want to look naive so he says "yes I think it's going to be cold, so gather some wood." The townspeople thus head out to get wood.

When all the townspeople leave, the chief calls the weather station and asks if it's going to be a cold winter in Nyuktuk. The guy at the weather office says "hold on a second." He comes back and says "yes it appears like it will be a cold winter."

When the townspeople come back Takoda says to them "it's going to be a colder weather than I first thought. Go gather more wood."

So the townspeople head out to get more wood. But the chief is still not sure. So he calls back the weather station and asks if they are sure. The weatherman says "one second" then comes back on and says "it's definitely going to be a cold winter." So when the townspeople return, Chief Takoda tells them to go out and gather all the wood they can find.

But after they all the townspeople leave, the chief is still not sold. So he calls the weather station and asks if they are sure it's going to be cold in Nyuktuk. The weatherman says that not only will it be cold but it likely will be one of the coldest winters on record. "But how do you know?" the chief asks. The weatherman says "because the Indians are gathering wood like crazy."

Woodn't you like to know

It logs off

I'm stumped

I know because i keep a log of each one

I’m stumped.

It "logged" on.

“Where do you think number 2 pencils come from”

They log in.

Of course they do, how else would we get number 2 pencils!

Yew wood

Son: Huh? What? Why?
Dad: They seem kinda…. shady

They seam kinda shady

It wooden start.

While talking to a cop about bad excuse for having drugs, the cop told me he chased one guy though the woods and found needles on him. He asked the guy where they came from and the guy said "they must have got in his pocket in the woods." The cop said to me "like they fell out of the trees and into his pocket" and I immediately asked if they were pine needles. I giggled. He rolled his eyes

ASAP

Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.

its called how not to become a book

green trees there too

I see the trees

and they are green too

and I think to myself

I am lost in these woods

it would of been funny if this joke had a punchline wooden tit

“Not sure. Let me check the logs.”

So I've been eating nothing but tree branches. I told my pastor about this.

He said "That'd just leave you stuffed with plant matter, wood in it?"

"Some," I replied. "But I really feel it in my gut - most of it now be leaves."

Came up during a conversation about having a bonfire

Dad "Here's something you might not have known about me, I can cut wood by just looking at it"

Me, fully expecting a dad joke: "I don't believe you but would you care to elaborate"

Dad: "Its true! I saw it with my own eyes"

He giggled to himself for about 10 minutes after that one.

A lumberjack went to a magic Forrest to cut down some trees for wood. He comes up to the first tree he sees and starts to chop it down. Suddenly the tree cries out “Wait! Don’t cut me down! I’m a magical talking tree!” The lumberjack replies “You may be a magic tree but you will dialogue!”

I know because every time I cut one, I keep a log.

The lumberjack grinned, “And you will dialogue!"