What do you call a depressed man with a robotic arm?
Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.
Please don’t resort to violins and anger if you don’t notice.
What should you use with Batman shampoo?
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pool?
What do you call a bear with no ear?
What do you call it when you mix a laxative with alphabet soup?
Hey Dad, you wanna come to Yoga class with me?
Dad: Namaste home instead
From my 11 year old daughter. Did you hear the one about the man with the broken hearing aids?
What do you call a woman with one leg?
Eileen......
What do you call a woman with two legs?
Noleen
Hey! Did you see that snail-shaped car with the letter S painted on it drive by?
Just look at that escargo.
What do you call peanuts with guns?
A girl came into my bookstore and asked "What are the chances you have a book on curing eating disorders with religion?"
Slim to Nun?
(Incidentally this is a true story and I got yelled at)
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Doesn't matter it won't come
My daughter was having a pretend dinner party with her teddy bear, when she asked, “Do you want anything to eat, Mr. Bear?” In my best bear voice, I replied...
“No thanks, I’m stuffed!"
What do you call a greek plumber with no ears?
It doesn't matter he won't hear you
Did you hear about the woman with twelve breasts?
What starts with 'O' and ends with 'nions' and sometimes make you cry?
What do you get when you cross a Elephant with a Rino?
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn’t matter they won’t come anyway.
What do you call a snowman with a 6 pack?
What do you call a person with one eye that's sad all the time?
Dad can I wash the car with you ?
I dunno son, I prefer you use a sponge
What do you do with a dead chemist?
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Did you hear about the guy that walked into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm?
He asked the bartender for a beer, and one for the road.
If you are offended by my dad jokes, don’t get mad and ask me to go to the artificial excavation filled with water.
Whats with the saying "that's how you get ahead in life"?
I was already born with one.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
My 5 year old just got me with this one: What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?
What do you call a guy with an ant on his knee?
What do you call a summer camp that helps people with ADHD?
A concentration camp.
I'll see myself out.
What do you call a fish with four eyes?
What do you call a man obsessed with the moon?
Take it easy people. Pretty soon you'll be able to kiss and have sex with the one you love.
But for now, stay at home and do it with the one you're married to.
Did you hear about the soldier who got hit with mustard gas and pepper spray?
What do you call a person with no body and no nose?
What do you call bears with no ears?
B
Edit: Thank you for hugz!
What do you call an insect that's in trouble with the law?
Where would you go to get maple sushi with poutine dipping sauce?
I went to my doctor today and told him I was having problems with my hearing. He asked, “Can you describe the symptoms?” I replied, "Sure..."
“They’re yellow, Homer’s fat, and Marge has blue hair.”
What do you call a baker with a cold?
Coughee cake!
Its cake and y'all know the rules!
What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?
What do you call an artist with brown fingers ?
If a doctor fixes you up with duct tape…
He'll have turned you from being black and blue into being Red Green.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter what you call him..
He wont come anyways
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
What do you call a pig with 3 eyes?
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