I mean well.
I told my wife:
There's the captain water, and the crewmember water. The captain water says: "All right crewmembers, do you know where you have to go?" The crewmember water replies: "Eye eye, sir!"
This earned me a proper facepalm from my wife which I shall wear proudly as a badge of honor and now share here with you.
But it's a bore
Wait until you sea mine
I guess I like aqueous humour
Well, well, well
It's a koala tea joke.
(Variation of other koala jokes I've heard).
...but I'm running dry!
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now
Response: EEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR, I use toilet paper.
Well played, boy.
He said "There was a sail."
....you can safely wear it on your head... because it's capsized.
The same thing Arkansas
Because he couldn't see that well
That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
Get well soon.
I've just sent him a 'Get Well Soon' card.
One says to the other, "do you know how to drive this thing?"
The water break...
Said this during a hike so it was all the more sweeter to hear the only two dad's chuckle.
Sea kelp
... it can write other words as well.
From a well, actually..
Thatβs ridiculous, I didnβt even know it was her birthday
I was like well damn.
You keeled my father. Prepare two die.
*I sent this to my brother and he replies: Was his name Inyougo?
^(What a freaking professional)
A towel.
Got em
Because if it were served warm it would be justwater
I know he means well.
So, I handed him a glass of water.
I guess they drank the t
She filled a cup of water placed it on her head and began to violently and rapidly breathe in and out. The force is strong with her.
A gallon of water. Butane is a lighter fluid.
Gas, liquid, and solid
We got a long well.
I know he means well.
I'm not shaking hands because everyone is out of toilet paper.
The captain was standing on the deck!
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itβs a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itβs tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donβt think itβs feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
Thereβs a new type of broom out, itβs sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels canβt tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itβs pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldnβt control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didnβt have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit β‘(Son) cough, cough "That water went down the wrong tube".
(Dad) "Oh no. Now it's going to come out your butt".
Only some get it.
So I sent him a "get well soon" card
So I sent him a βGet Well Soon!β card.
