Vaguely Puns

I interrupted him and said “I already read it before”

He said, ” Do you mean, You’ve been on reddit before?”

I replied, “No I mean I’ve read it before.”

My friend said, “ Dude with that grammar I doubt you’ve read anything before.”

I protested, “ Hey, I’ve read IT”

There is a vas deferens between them.

The uncanny Hidden Valley effect.

But you know how the saying goes.

Lets just say they wont be saying that any more

They use CD

(told by my daughter who has vaguely seen me use a CD before)

He calls them his hypnotheses.

They can’t find him because victims are only giving vague descriptions.

Hey fam... My grandpa passed away yesterday and as I’ve been reflecting on old memories I vaguely remembered this old joke he used to tell me. I was hoping maybe someone in this community could help. I don’t remember much about it other than that it was about a suit that didn’t fit and the person in the joke had to keep getting it tailored. And maybe it was just the way my grandpa told the joke, but he’d always make this really theatrical voice and yell “hey! what did you do to my new suit?!” If anyone can help a grieving girl out that would be swell. :)

...I just couldn't bring myself to watch the next one. I just had this vague sense that something bad was going to happen.

I vaguely overheard her going on and on about how I never glisten.

A little pizza this and a little pizza that.

Have to write some shit for the school magazine about debating. Just anything even vaguely related to it, the worse the better. Cheers.

A rope is at a bar late at night. He's just getting drunk enough to be annoying, so the bartender asks him to leave. The rope begs and pleads and he eventually, recognizing that it futile, gets up and leaves the bar. He goes around the corner and cuts off the end of himself and he then tatters the end. He returns to the bar and the bartender vaguely recognizing him, says, "Weren't you in here a little while ago?”

The rope denies it immediately, and responds with an assertive “No.”

The bartender about 75% sure he was in the bar earlier, says “Yeah aren't you the rope?"

The rope says "A frayed knot."

Got my girlfriend with this one just now.

Me: Going into the kitchen to get something to drink, you want anything?

GF: Sure

Me: Anything Specific?

GF: No don't think so

Me: Anything Vague?

proceeds to laugh the whole way to the kitchen

She was writing an email back to her father who has a tendency to be vague.

Wife: "You know,communication is really a lost art. I'd say I'm a good judge of that."

Me: "I guess that makes you a rater of a lost art."

Groans

Sitting in a lecture I was playing with a piece of paper, crushing to a vague bowl shape, which I subsequently placed on my knee so that it looked kind of like a little hat. My friend leans over and picks it up, but then puts it back, saying, "It fits perfectly."

So I lean back and whisper in his ear,

"That's because it's a knee cap."