Urban Landscape
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Musical-Comic-69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
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Did you hear about 50 Cent's clever new song about the small, detail-oriented urban cat?

They're calling it "Fiddy's witty itty bitty nitty gritty city kitty ditty".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rinteln
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
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If Keith Urban loves country music so much ...

Why doesn't he change his name to Keith Rural?

(From "The Glass House" TV series compendium book.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
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3 engineers were arguing about who designed the human body

1: it has to be a CompSci engineer, judging by the brain’s complexity

2: you’re wrong, it was a Mechanics engineer, look at the muscle and skeleton systems working as one

3: you’re both wrong, it was an Urban Planner, otherwise waste and entertainment areas wouldn’t be adjacent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AstharothaZe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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Urban farming

My neighbor just told my husband that she’s going to get some chickens in her back yard. My husband replied β€œCool. Sooooooo... you’re going to be a chicken tender.” She just kept on babbling about it, and I can’t stop smiling.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lorettarebelle
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
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Cow tipping is just an urban myth.

Farmers pay them a competitive wage.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2018
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My computer is only showing ads for American Eagle, Urban Outfitters, GAP and Cheesecake Factory.

I think it's infected with Mall-ware

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2018
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It’s weird that Keith Urban sings country music. reddit.com/r/Showerthough…
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
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Ohio State coach Urban Meyer is being succeeded by the next in line

Suburban Meyer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/markydsade
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2018
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Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, β€œI’ll give you a reason to cry!?"

I always thought they were going to hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2018
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Keith Urban is a dad

He's judging on American Idol and one contestant says "I'm going to sing Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and Keith suggest "You should sing it here"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/USCgamecocks
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2015
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Urban livestock

Background: house in the suburbs. Cleaning before putting up Christmas decorations. Mom had a wicker box out for something.

Dad: And that just leaves the wicker pannier. We need a second one of these so the burro doesn't tip over... you know, they've got those in New York now.

Mom, only half listening: Panniers and donkeys?

Dad: Burros. Five of 'em.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anoria
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2017
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What did the urban youth say in the suburban yoga studio?

What's Up-Dog?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boop66
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2017
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Do you think that Urban Meyer...

... has a brother named Rural?

Actually told to me at dinner tonight.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Englishly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2016
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Who decided to call it a gun box, and not a shoot case?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/napalm_roolz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
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I had the opportunity for a potassium pun so I just rolled with it
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SweggyPotatoChip
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
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What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?

She gagged

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tbridgf1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
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"Dad, when will you stop using slang that you don't understand?"

Not yeet, son!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vaxis2113
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2018
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Drew another puzzle. Post your guesses! imgur.com/MX66hEs
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiggidytom
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2015
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My girlfriend and I were talking about driving in foreign countries.

Her: "Urban Italy looks like a bad place to be with a rented car."

Me: "Yeah, I suppose there are some very old & busy cities there."

Her: "I don't know if I could do it. My Dad drove in Greece and that was bad enough."

Me: "Oof yeah, sounds sketchy. Though you'd think they'd have cleaned it up by now."

Her: ?

Me: "The grease."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/robcap
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2018
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HELP!! I'm in need of some pun name ideas for my new pub!

like the title says im in need of a funny/catchy/witty/ pun name for my new pub! there are already a few pubs around with catchy pun names like pub-lick, and sub-urban (they make sub sandwiches at lunch) can we come up with something better!! some info that might help you out. the pub is going to be in canberra, act, australia in the city centre i.e. civic.

lets see what we can come up with!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaleBoydd
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2014
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My Dad watching a contestant on a quiz show

The quiz show round was to name famous people named 'Roger'. One of the clues was 'Swiss tennis layer who won 17 Grand Slam titles between 2003 and 2012'. The male contestant guessing the names was very camp and when he guessed the name my Dad commented "I bet he'd like to Roger Federer".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chrisisisms
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2016
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How do you keep a turkey in suspense?

I'll tell you next week...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/freakinhuge
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2015
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I recently bought a sweater that had some Native American-like designs on it, when my dad saw me wearing it...

Dad: "Son, I think have some reservations about that sweater."

He then began chuckling deeply for a few minutes before I gave in and joined him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Th3Greyhound
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2013
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My dad's crowning moment

driving down I-75 when we passed fire trucks outside of an urban active gym

Mom: Look at all of those fire trucks!

Dad: wow, they must really be burning those calories!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/r2deetard
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2013
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Every time we play Ohio State

My dad and i are Wisconsin Badger fans and I swear every time UW plays Ohio State my dad says this joke about their coach: "Urban Meyer...did you know his brother, Rural Meyer?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pawlije
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2013
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Dad joke in the wild...

Out for a hike in an urban provincial park in Calgary with my wife, my cousin, and my cousin's husband. We slow down to look at a deer about 5m off the trail. A middle age couple is walking towards us, when:

Woman: Look honey, a deer!
Her husband: Oh dear!

His wife, my wife, and my cousin all groan/eye roll... and me and my cousin's husband have a hearty chuckle, while the man sports a wide grin.

Based on his immediate delivery, and his wife's reaction, I just know this joke's been repeated often, to everyone's delight, as any good dad joke should be.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blindsight
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2014
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My dad just forwarded this email to me...

> > Balls > > > > INTERESTING OBSERVATION > > 1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL. > > > > > > > > > > 2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING. > > > > > > > > > > 3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL. > > > > > > > > 4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL. > > > > > > > > > > 5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS. > > And... > > > > > > > > 6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is > > GOLF. > > > > THE AMAZING CONCLUSION: > > > > The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls > > become. > > There must be a boat load of people in Ottawa and Queen's Park > > playing marbles. > > You know you WILL PASS THIS ONE ON!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BladeNoob
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2014
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My prof just pulled this groaner in class...

The lecture was on urban birds and he was telling us about how Mozart had a pet starling that he loved so much he had a funeral for it after it died.

Mozart even wrote a song for the starling immediately after it passed away.

You could even say that when his pet died Mozart began composing just as the bird began decomposing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alexronjohnston
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2014
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