I awoke from a dream where I was stabbing myself. My eyes opened slowly, first the right then the left.
Something’s wrong.
I tried to move my right arm, but my left moved instead, pressing into a squeezing, scratchy…thing, um, a…strap. My head was fuzzy, my thoughts garbled together like a tumult scarring the ferns.
What’s wrong with me?
I larked down at my body and screamed, but where I expected a sound to escarp my lips, my leg twanged instead. I was naked, my body a parchwork of skin, sewn topographically avec un melange de—
Fuck. Focus.
—sewn. Together. With. A. Mix of different body parts. One breast was plump, olive skinned. The other, small and pale. The skin of my right hand was grey—thin white metacarpals peeking through a long since festered wound. My left arm was tan, strapped down like my body.
I heard foot comes stepping toward me and as a door opened, a sullen looking man walked in. I didn’t know his face.
“You’re awake.” He said, his voice rising in surprise. “I’m so glad. You know, I didn’t think this would work. He said it would, promised me even, but can you ever truly trust a man you meet at a crossroad?”
I tried to speak, but again my body failed me. Involuntary tears rolled from my left eye as I tried to give words to my thoughts.
“Your brain’s probably rattled. He said it would be at first, but I’ll try to explain everything. After that, we can explore that body.”
He sat in a chair next to the wooden table to which I was strapped. His manner was congenial, his tone even, but his eyes concealed something quietly unsettling.
“I made you. Stitched you together from pieces of fourteen beautiful women. Your right hand—that belonged to my wife. The other parts are better preserved of course. They’ve been kept in a walk-in freezer.”
I tried again to move my right arm, but to no avail.
“It’s horrific, I know, but I just had to make you. You have all your organs, your bones. I tried with the nerves, but you’d have to be a neurosurgeon to get those right.”
He chuckled, but his eyes were utterly devoid of emotion.
“My wife was a neurosurgeon, actually. Brilliant, beautiful. But…she was killed.”
I remembered a flash of a face, purple, a stethoscope squeezing away its life.
“So were thirteen other women. They never found the killer. But I did. I found you.”
He smiled.
“I sold my soul for this moment and with it, I bought yours. Bad deal for me, but then…I did it for her.”
My right hand moved itself, pushin
... keep reading on reddit ➡The show is now out on Discovery+, however Discovery+ is not available in Canada.
If you have access to it's content there is brief mention of /Winnipeg when Nygard's lawyer sent a Cease and Desist order about those meme's a couple of years ago.
Discovery+ Series to Investigate Fashion Mogul Peter Nygard's Rise to Power Through His Dec. 15 Arrest (Exclusive)
https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/amp/live-feed/discovery-series-to-investigate-fashion-mogul-peter-nygards-rise-to-power-through-his-arrest-exclusive
This docuseries is unbelievable, it’s shocking and done quite well. This guy is the Jeffrey Epstein of Canada.
If you have Discovery+, I highly recommend watching, but it’s very triggering.
This is the second of three subclass concepts I am making around the concept of Decay, a fifth element based around poison.
I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Do your worst!
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
They’re on standbi
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
Pilot on me!!
Nothing, he was gladiator.
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
When I got home, they were still there.
I won't be doing that today!
[Removed]
Where ever you left it 🤷♀️🤭
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
There hasn't been a post all year!
You take away their little brooms
It was about a weak back.
