I love my dog, but heโ€™s very unpredictable.

Heโ€™s a borderline collie.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 14
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Original-Psychology
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 07 2022
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A list of over 350 Dad Jokes!

Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.

3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.

5/4 of people admit theyโ€™re bad at fractions.

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.

A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. โ€œIโ€™d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,โ€ it says. โ€œSorry, but I canโ€™t serve you,โ€ the bartender replies. โ€œYouโ€™re out of your head.โ€

A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'

A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.

A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. โ€œWe donโ€™t serve your kind here,โ€ the bartender says. โ€œWhy not?โ€ one yogurt asks. โ€œWeโ€™re cultured.โ€

A friend of mine didnโ€™t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.

A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. Heโ€™s an extremely aggressive janitor.

A guy walks into a bar, and thereโ€™s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, โ€œWhat are you staring at? Havenโ€™t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?โ€ The guy says, โ€œItโ€™s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.โ€

A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, โ€œWhatโ€™s with the paper towel?โ€ The pirate says, โ€œArrr! Iโ€™ve got a Bounty on me head!โ€

A turtle is crossing the road when heโ€™s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, โ€œI donโ€™t know. It all happened so fast.โ€

Armed robbersโ€”some say theyโ€™re a drain on society, but youโ€™ve got to give it to them.

Barbersโ€ฆyou have to take your hat off to them.

Can February March? No, but April May!

Cooking out this weekend? Donโ€™t forget the pickle. Itโ€™s kind of a big dill.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.

Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!

Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.

Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. Thereโ€™s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewisโ€ฆ Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?

Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!

Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Bugasum
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 10 2022
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What is Yoda's favorite make of vehicle?

Toyoda of course

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Pr0f-Cha0s
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 13 2022
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I was considering a career in Meteorology

Unfortunately the career prospects seem too unpredictable.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Imswim80
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 28 2022
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Why is life on Earth so unpredictable?

Because Earth is bipolar.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/yeahgoestheusername
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
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A man decides to fulfill his lifelong dream of owning a horse, and goes to a local breeder

Not having much knowledge of the animals, he asks the owner to show him around and tell him about different breeds. "Sure, let's go," says the owner, and brings him over to the paddocks.

"So a lot depends on what you want the animal for," he says, and gestures to a powerful stallion running laps. "Over there, you've got your Type A horse: strong, fast, and a little unpredictable, but great if you want to get somewhere in a hurry."

"I think that'd be a little much for me," the man says, and the owner nods, then brings him over to see a mare quietly chomping at some hay in the shade. "This is a Type B horse - tends to be quiet and they're good companions, but not much for doing work."

The man pauses to think about what he wants the animal for, then looks over at a nearby pond and sees a horse swimming and diving over and over again. "What the heck is that one doing?" he asks the owner. "Oh, him? That's a C horse."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 265
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DweadPiwateWoberts
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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Dirty NASA experiment unearthed

NASA decided to send a vegetable to space. After the rough takeoff the spud soiled himself.

Operation Spud-Nik turned violent when the astronauts, due to unforeseen circumstances, ran out of food. It wasn't long before the five guys came up with a plan. They unearthed him and gouged his eyes out. As unappealing as it sounded, spud was sliced up, fried and eaten. Noone seemed to mind a little assault. Sometimes spaceflight is unpredictable and dirty sacrifices must be made.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BeeSpaceApiaries
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
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#Murphyslaw

The unpredictable and nefarious alternate side dish to #Coleslaw

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/grumpy_bob
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 28 2017
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An unpredictable camera

Is called a loose Canon

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/1963Jan
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 10 2021
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I used to know an unpredictable photographer

he was a real loose Canon

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/growupyall
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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