I told her she’s 7, she should know that means nothing.
I think I might have broken it!
They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.
Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.
As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.
They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.
Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?
They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.
"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".
They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.
But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.
The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.
And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!
Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?
"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"
In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and
... keep reading on reddit ➡Möebius Dick
When I asked him how he liked his online classes, he said that they were all was fine except for one teacher who tells bad jokes. “His jokes are so bad that I can’t even call them dad jokes. They’re granddad jokes.” I’m so proud. (Edited for granmar.)
Hi, cheating on you, I'm Dad!
I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.
Two. One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.
Something is awry.
I even have one of her Thai dye t-shirts.
I take that as a compliment.
They call it Modem Warfare!
She always gets her knickers in a twist
Because seven is a six offender.
He says, “I’m applying the turn-a-cut!”
When you write about about a kid in the 1900s with Great Expectations, it’s a real Oliver Twist
I said "how is that possible? I'm a man".
This was before the divorce, of course.
Twister
The door is Ajar
The M9 Shyamalan
Eye, Yam, Stew, Peed
They were graphing a helix all along.
He'sprain.
"It's ajar."
Is told by the Maitre'd that there will be at least a twenty minute wait.
"Would you like to wait in the bar, Sir?", he says.
The man goes into the bar and the bartender says, "What'll it be?"
The man replies, "Give me a Stoli with a twist."
The bartender pauses for a few seconds, then smiles and says, "Once upon time, there were FOUR little peegs . . . "
then you cannot
It was all straightforward until I found a twist in the tale.
Then they played "Come On Eileen" and I got kicked out.
I think she’s in love with me.
Twisted Sister!
All of his stories had Twist endings.
It hurts to walk now but my farts smell great!
The string replies, “I’m a frayed knot”
“What’s all this for?” he asked...
“Well” I replied, “I’ve heard that if you give a man enough rope, he will hang himself”.
A: A Caaaaaa! (The sound a crow makes.)
https://preview.redd.it/lwkkovmrkz211.png?width=2000&format=png&auto=webp&s=11dd11e7fdba807baadf681ca799f86be910fa66
Yell “My money’s on the one with the knife!”
He dyed.
Being ugly every day sucks.
I said, “Thanks. That is really nice of you.”
Something bad is going to happen, I can feel it...
It's left me feeling bitter and twisted
..."Don, we now are gay apparel."
We order the same beer. Waitress brings them over. Dad jokes, “excuse me which one is his and which one is mine? Heh heh heh”
Ugh
I halve to know
“Honey, can you hear me!?” She turned around and shouted, “For the third time, yes I can hear you!”
Let me start off by saying that I'm a Geography buff.
Me: Dad, I'm hungry
Dad: That's impossible!
Me: How?
Dad: I've been to Hungary and its much more pleasant than you are!
There’s always a great twist at the end.
"Nope."
"Please, can I have somasa."
*Knot bread
I didn’t agree to it at first but eventually they twisted my arm.
[removed]
Please, sir, can I have some ore?
Star Trek: the Mex Generation
Sitting at my sister's house watching my niece.
My niece: "I'm hungry"
Me: "nice to meet you hungry"
My sister to my niece: "those cheesy jokes uncle says are called dadjokes"
Me: "guess I should go get some wine and crackers"
Son: "Wow really? I'd never have guessed!".
Dad: "Im glad you're taking this so well".
Son: "Well I did have my suspicions".
Dad: "yes yes, anyway go pack your bags, your new parents will be here in 10 minutes".
My dad Gary responded:
"Thanks man, but I wasn't even running. I was walking."
Edit: Woah, this blew up more than I expected. Thanks, guys. I'll make sure to thank my dad for the fake internet points for a joke that made me groan. He's gonna love it.
Family friend to me: That's why I like your dad so much. He's frank. Me: No, no, he's PATRICK.
It was a twist ending.
Me: "What's for dinner, I'm starving."
Dad: "Hi, Starving. I'm Dad."
Me: "NO! My name is DAVID. There is no 'starving' in my name."
Dad: "Oh okay. My mistake, No Starving David."
God damn it, dad...
There's a twist at the end.
Me: You got the goods?
Dealer: I have an alloy of iron and carbon for only $1.
Me: My, what a steel!
Guy: Hey, wanna hear my joke?
Boxer: I dunno, man. People always say I ruin their punchline.
Teacher: What are the four components of DNA?
Student: Actually, there are five: Adenine, cytosine, guanine, thymine--
Teacher: Oh? And the fifth one?
Student: I got I got I got I got...
Me (metric): Why does America use the imperial system? It's stupid.
Friend (imperial): Actually, other places use the imperial system.
Me: Which other places?
Friend: The Galactic Empire.
Guy: I hate spam.
Me: I like sushi.
Me: I like sushi.
Me: I like sushi.
...
Someone: Son of a gun...
Someone Else: Now you've just pistoled me off!
Okay, I know these are not the greatest puns ever, but this is my first post in this subreddit. Anyway, now here are the explanations:
Joke 1 - An alloy of carbon and iron is popularly referred to as steel, and stainless steel costs $2.41, in which the item receives a 58.51% reduction in cost, which is a mighty bargain, also known as a steal.
Joke 2 - Boxing is a sport in which your only goal is to knock your opponent out through a series of punches. The ending or twist of a joke is commonly referred to as the punchline of said joke.
Joke 3 - Check out Kendrick Lamar's DNA song.
Joke 4 - Troops and personnel of the Galactic Empire from Star Wars are commonly referred to as the Imperials.
Joke 5 - Spam musubi, or just spam, is a type of sushi. On the internet, spam is referred to as the repetition of a specific message, especially when emailing, to annoy or advertise a product/website to someone.
Joke 6 - The phrase, "Son of a gun", is a friendlier alternative to the phrase, "Son of a bitch!" Also, when you annoy someone, that means that you pissed them off, which sounds a bit like "pistoled".
All the names scrolling on the screen were people involved in the movie.
"How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
I take that as a compliment
I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.
I take that as a compliment.
Something bad is about to happen, I can feel it.
Two. One to change the bulb and another to give it an unexpected twist at the end.
