Wife: I have to tell you something. Im pregnant. Husband: hi pregnant! I'm dad! Wife: no you're not.
Me: "Hi confused, I'm Mom"
A twist tie!
Which makes sense, because I canβt remember the last time I ate a monkey.
I told her sheβs 7, she should know that means nothing.
I think I might have broken it!
They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.
Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.
As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.
They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.
Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?
They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.
"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".
They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.
But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.
The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.
And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!
Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?
"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"
In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and
... keep reading on reddit β‘... and you still hate him now. But now he's an official resident of Florida and I may see him differently now. I've seen a lot of hate thrown his way, but this guy is a consistent winner and an overachiever. That's what the people who support him love about him. Yes, there have been some scandals. Yes, there have been some lies and maybe a few times he's twisted the truth to make himself look better. He's out there everyday proving those haters wrong time after time. Call it jealously, call it envy. Some people just can't handle how successful he is and how much money he has. They could even be jealous that he's got a hot, foreign model as his wife. You may not have wanted him in this role, but he's there now and there is nothing you or I can do about it. I know it'll possibly get worse over the next several days, but like him or not, Tom Brady is turning things around in Tampa Bay.
MΓΆebius Dick
When I asked him how he liked his online classes, he said that they were all was fine except for one teacher who tells bad jokes. βHis jokes are so bad that I canβt even call them dad jokes. Theyβre granddad jokes.β Iβm so proud. (Edited for granmar.)
I take that as a compliment.
It's full of twists and turns.
Something is awry.
To get to the other side effects.
~~ brazenly stolen from Alexa with my own twist.
I even have one of her Thai dye t-shirts.
They call it Modem Warfare!
He says, βIβm applying the turn-a-cut!β
I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.
It was quite the Plot Twist
Two. One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.
Eye, Yam, Stew, Peed
Twister
The M9 Shyamalan
The door is Ajar
Because seven is a six offender.
They were graphing a helix all along.
He'sprain.
"It's ajar."
then you cannot
Then they played "Come On Eileen" and I got kicked out.
She always gets her knickers in a twist
Hi, cheating on you, I'm Dad!
I take that as a compliment
I take that as a compliment.
