Which bird wears trousers?

Pantaloons

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πŸ‘€︎ u/callmefinny
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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As a golfer, it's always better to wear 2 pairs of trousers

You know, in case you get a hole in 1

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πŸ‘€︎ u/extremeavYT
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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Nike trousers
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ntn_98
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
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I bought some stripper trousers for Β£50

They were a total rip off

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scorchedarcher
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
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A man walks into a doctors office. β€œWhat seems to be the problem?” Asks the doc. β€œIt’s... um... well... i have five penises.” Replies the man. β€œBlimey!” Says the doctor, β€œhow do your trousers fit?” β€œLike a glove.”
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SvenTranslator
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
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I just made a belt from watches but my trousers still fell down

I guess that was a waist of time

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Griff1235
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
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Which kind of snakes share underwear?

Cobra

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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I always take two pairs of trousers with me when I play golf.

Just in case I get a hole in one

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
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When flies take off their trousers do they start by undoing their humans?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JEZTURNER
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
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What does Thor wear under his trousers?

Thunder-wear

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xone01
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
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What do you call a man who wears crisp packets as trousers?

Russell.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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What’s the difference between American dogs and British dogs?

American dogs pants while British dogs trousers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jnr_jinx
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
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My mother is a gangster

She doesn't say "I'm going to mend your trousers", she says "britches get stitches".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hero_of_Thyme81
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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Two nuns are sat on a train, when a man gets on and pulls his trousers down.

One nun had a stroke, but the other couldn't reach.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Purtassium
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
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Taylor Swift is not what she seems

I sent her my trousers to be taken up by 4 inches over 3 months ago

and I still haven't had them back!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Goldygold2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day...

But I couldn't find any

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πŸ‘€︎ u/music_snobbbb
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
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I don't get why the sperm bank won't accept my trousers...

...they took my friend's jeans. Why not mine?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drondol
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
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I asked my dad how he manages to make his trousers last.

He told me he makes the coats first...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/imaginary_moose
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2018
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I walked up to the cashier with my new waistcoat, jacket and trousers.

He said, "That will be Β£725."

"What!" I replied, staggering back. "Do you intend to pocket the remaining Β£724.97?"

The cashier was baffled. "I don't understand, sir."

"The assistant over there told me it was a 3p suit," I replied.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2018
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I need a pair of trousers altered in a hurry.

Does anyone know how I can get hold of Taylor Swift?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
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I’ve got a steering wheel stuck down my trousers.

It’s driving me nuts.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2017
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What color is a hamburgers trousers?

Burgundy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/quadsforthebroads
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2018
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One that my dad just gave me

So we were talking about transferring money and I made a comment about not wanting to forget a paper note in my trousers when they get washed.

He looked me straight in the eye and shouted

β€˜Because you don’t want to be accused of... MONEY LAUNDERING’

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roku-Hanmar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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who can repair my trousers' zip quickly?

Taylor Swift

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πŸ‘€︎ u/one_moment_please
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2016
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I tried on two pair of trousers in the store imgur.com/mwSNwP7
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πŸ“…︎ May 10 2014
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The three unwritten rules of life.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2018
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Teacher - 'Johnny, if you had Β£10 in one pocket and Β£5 in your other pocket, what would you have?'

Johnny - 'Someone else's trousers on Miss.'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
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A man lost his keys in the supermarket, so when he returned to his car, he just rubbed his ass against it

He was wearing khaki trousers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anassis
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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124 dad jokes that will make you laugh and cringe

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

β€œEvery time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, β€˜The good news is..it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.'”

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

β€œI’ll call you later!”- β€œPlease don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

β€œMy dad literally told me this one last week: β€˜Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.’”

β€œWhenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, β€˜No, just leave it in the carton!’”

I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, I’d say: β€œWow, that’s coincidental.”

I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.

β€œMe: β€˜Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: β€˜Poof, You’re a sandwich!’”

β€œI heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

β€œHow can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.”

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it

β€œWhat’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: β€œDon’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: β€œNo, it’s a math problem.”

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weeb123xD
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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Two twins have a race in the morning

One says to the other 'I bet I can get dressed faster than you'

So each hurriedly puts their socks on, followed by their underwear and trousers, both at the same time.

Now the hard part! Each fumbled frantically with their buttoned shirts, quickly but painstakingly ensuring that each button was right - a minute or so later each finished the last button at the same time.

The heat was on! It was all down to the last item of clothing!

It was a tie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mister_pleco
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
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I was getting a physical and I told the doctor "No need to be worried but I have five penises.

"Five penises!!" he said "How do your trousers fit"

"Like a glove" I said

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joseph220307
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
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I locked my keys in the car...

So I took off my pants, rolled them up and rubbed them on the car door. The car unlocked.

I'm so glad I was wearing my khaki trousers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RangerZA
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2017
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Senior sex

The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you." Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!" A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dan_the_Man0904
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2017
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Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? β€œMy Fare, Lady”.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physician’s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


β€œWhat’s purple and 5000 miles long?” β€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”


Every calendar’s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. β€œFour bucks,” says the bartender. β€œPut it on my bill.”


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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He thinks he's so clever

Me: These trousers are getting really old, I should get some new ones

Mom: What kind?

Me: Just normal ones that are nice and warm for the winter.

Dad: You should by some hotpants then.

And then he and my mom burst out laughing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mylily
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2013
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All this string theory business.

I can tell you now that strings are real.

In the old days we used to keep our trousers up with them when our belts broke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eltegs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2017
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What's better than a dad joke?

Two dad jokes

so here's the second one:

"there's a hole in my trousers"

dad: "better that way than the other way around"

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2015
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A man walks into a doctors office. "What seems to be the problem'P" Asks the doc. um... well... I have five penises," replies the man. "Blimey!" Says the doctor "how do your trousers fit?"

"Like a glove."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
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What does Thor wear under his trousers?

Thunder-wear

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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