Troubled Sleep Puns

Me? It’s so easy I can do it with my eyes closed!

I won't rest until I've chugged all the Nyquil in the house.

Unless he has his pajamazon

An insomniactor.

because of a certain case, which made it so that all the zoo animals had to stay in his bedroom. One of them keeps on waking him up, but he’s not sure which one. He goes to see an expert on similar situations like this. They go over which one is the most likely. The expert says:

“It’s not the fox, since those are quiet. It’s also most likely not the monkeys, because these types sleep well.”

They have a conversation like this, but the zookeeper keeps on wanting to talk about his elephant, which he loved and thought would never want to wake him up. The expert notices and plays along for a while, avoiding the subject until all other animals are no longer a suspect. The expert finally gets tired and asks the zookeeper:

“Are we going to talk about the elephant in the room?”

Because I do it with a blindfold on

Because he couldn’t lie.

Ending a sentence with a proposition.

You'll soon drop off.

If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without alcohol,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

Then You Are Probably the family dog.

Handle every stressful situation like a dog:

If you can't eat it or play with it, pee on it and walk away!!

My friend had trouble sleeping because a clock kept ticking loudly near him all night, so when he told us that I responded "I bet that really Ticked You off."

I was promptly told to leave the premises and not come back.

Told me the only dog I need is a sleep lab

Me: "Whenever I dream I have trouble seeing in them".

Dad: "Well you should be sleeping with your glasses on then".

Me: queue sighs

Well, I can do it with my eyes closed.

It's so easy. I can do it with my eyes closed.

...but I can do it with my eyes closed...

...but I can do it with my eyes closed.

Which is why I sleep earlier.

I can do it with my eyes closed.