Traun River Puns

##Jan-March 1504

The sides had been drawn the Wittelsbachs marched to war. Only Salzburg and Nuremberg have appeared on the sidelines both to support Albert, Duke of Bavaria-Munich. Nuremberg is playing their cards close to their chest and in the first months of the war sign a contract with a landsknecht mercenary company and await further news from their scouts. Salzburg prepares to march and take much of Bavaria-Landshut's southern territories along its border. The Palatine Wittelsbachs bring their men together in Heidelberg and then march south to Neumarkt. George of Bavaria-Munich prepares a defense along the river Isar including his crown jewel, Munich itself. Salzburg takes the town of Traunstein after a difficult assault. They continue up the Traun taking many small but important towns such as Trostberg. The other portion of the Salzburg army takes Marquarstein after some resistance, and the town of Aschau surrenders after seeing the approaching army. They then leave to make it to Kustein to cross the Inn River.

##March-June 1504

In mid-March the Palatine forces make it to Ingolstadt. The city is well-fortified with two separate wall rings, and is stationed by Bavaria-Landshut forces. The forces unify and make it to Neuburg where the secure the crossing and leave men to protect it. They then begin sieging the necessary locations as they march to Landshut, intending on ensuring it is safe from Salzburg or Munich. When they arrive they see a Munich force preparing for battle only a few kilometers from the city. The Munich forces had been scouting along the Isar River and have prepared for the incoming force. However, they are very outnumbered because of the combined Landshut-Palatine army.

As the armies line up for battle, Salzburg's two forces continue to strike deeper and deeper into Landshut's southern territories. Raitenhaslach allows Salzburg to march in peacefully as its abbot Johann Guotgelt meets his friend the Archbishop of Salzburg. They arrive at the fortified city of Burghaussen which Salzburg attempts to get to succumb without an assault. He promises the city that should it resist, it will lose all its privileges as the Archbishop is the head of the Imperial Board of Commerce and Currency. He also promises it will no longer see Salzburg's salt through its town ever again. This does not convince the city at first but after a few weeks in which no response comes from its Duke and the Archbishop makes it clear he is not going to ignore

Do your worst!

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

It really does, I swear!

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

When I got home, they were still there.

You take away their little brooms

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

There hasn't been a post all year!

Thanks to all of you for sending something my way, enjoy your weekend!

u/stephkempf

unknown: u/finer_things_in_life

u/girlsonabench

u/a_rank_amateur

u/peripatetick

u/sugarmagandjohn x2

u/QXRHG

u/kindanotcoolatall

u/gingerjellypaw x3

[Individual comments below]

Thank yous #256 - #263

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Bob

So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."

Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.

Just to clarify, 12345678

Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...

Notices there's only 2;

Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."

I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.

I was just sitting there doing nothing.

“BOOM”?!

"That's what they're fighting about."

free

Because his Visa didn’t work.

Because the audience only responds in a low ha

A happy Uncle.....