History fact: in the great Victorian war, general Luke Henridson was commanded to send his troops up a hill from which there would certainly be a barrage of cannon fire. They knew this was a crucial, but deadly run in which many would not survive, and yet to a man, every soldier in the company said:
Luke I am your fodder
A man loses three fingers in a work accident. He goes to the Emergency room and asks the doctor... "Will I be able to drive with this hand?". The doctor replies...
"Maybe. But I wouldn't count on it."
Why was the alcoholic cell phone repair man so depressed to be transferred to the middle of nowhere?
No bars.
A man went to the doctor’s and told him, “I feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.”
He said, “Wow, that’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.”
Why did the man want to be buried and not cremated?
. Because the ashes always had him coffin
A man takes his pet pony to the vet. The receptionist says “what seems to be the problem?“
The man says “well he’s a little horse”
What's the difference between an orchestral piece of music divided into 3 or 4 movements and a man who pretends to be obsessed with a particular woman?
One is a symphony and the other is a phony simp!
So if a man who is bald on the forehead is said to be smart, and a man who is bald on the top of his head is said to have been thinking too much, what do you call a man who is bald on the forehead AND the top of his head?
He thinks he’s smart.
A man goes to the doctor and says, "All 5 of my sons want to be valets when they grow up."
The doctor replies, "That sounds like a really bad case of Parking sons disease."
I did not expect this to be the replacement IronMan
it would be an honour to shake the hand of the man that put "sp" in the word lisp
I used to be quite a ladies man, chasing skirts all over the world.
Until I got to Scotland and, boy, was I surprised!!!
A man walks into a doctors office. “What seems to be the problem?” Asks the doc. “It’s... um... well... i have five penises.” Replies the man. “Blimey!” Says the doctor, “how do your trousers fit?” “Like a glove.”
Did you hear about the man who was cancelled for pretending to be an emu?
He was ostrich-sized
A man from Prague and his friend were playing chess at a restaurant when an Australian waiter interrupts their game. The waiter says, "have a check, mate. Your Czech mate is about to be in checkmate... oh, and here's the cheque, mate."
Did that man in the Bible really leave his sense of sight in the hands of one person claiming to be the son of God?
Talk about blind faith
You will never be as lazy as the man who gave a name to the..
Fireplace
Did you know the Apollo 11 astronauts arm wrestled to decide who would be the first man on the moon?
Neil won.
A man came to the doctor and said "you have to help me I'm shrinking", the doctor turned to him and said "I'm sorry you'll have to be a little patient"
A group of people went into a maze to find a centaur. As they entered one man told the group: “Don’t bother going to the middle”, They responded: “Why?”, He replied: “They don’t like to be the centaur of attention”.
Son: dad, what does it mean to be a man? Dad: It means to be the one that command! To be the one that take all the decisions at home.
One day I want to be a man like mom :)
I applied to be a door man but didn't get the job due to lack of experience.
Which surprised me, I thought it was an entry level position.
Fool me once shame on you, teach a man to fool me and I’ll be fooled for the rest of my life
I gave up Quarter Pounders and now I’m half the man I used to be.
I’m a fraction hero.
What did the Italian man call his soon to be wife?
His fiatcé
I want to write a story about a man who wants to be the best Chinese food chef. But he needs to get his life together so he can focus.
I'll call it "Wonton Distraction."
A man walks into a doctors office. "What seems to be the problem'P" Asks the doc. um... well... I have five penises," replies the man. "Blimey!" Says the doctor "how do your trousers fit?"
"Like a glove."
