Spring
when you want to raise the steaks
All of my references are dead
PURRipheral vision.
I guess you could say I have Surface tension.
All they had was biplanes
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
They pared up nicely.
When my wife said that she wanted to use this quarantine time to get Thinner, I just laughed.
She's thinking of "The Stand."
I told her she could call me”Vladimir Putitin”.
Another day, another Dawn.
They're sketchy
I'm glad to have the no-vid kind teen.
Unfortunately he blew it.
ipads.
She hit her funny bone at a restaurant. I told her “That’s humerus.”
.... either urinate or you're out of it"
It’s racist, they prefer to be called Republicans
The eraser replied "you have a point."
-As told to me by seven-year-old Gibson M. L.
Then it clicked.
This is my favorite stupid joke to use out at the movies. Every movie. Action, drama, comedy, whatever.
Movie ends. Credits roll. People start getting up.
I turn to my wife and say, "Wanna stick around and see if (character) joins The Avengers?"
It works with everything.
After Moana: "Wanna stick around and see if Maui joins the Avengers?"
After Baby Driver: "Wanna stick around and see if Baby joins the Avengers?"
Even works for villians. Why not?
After Deepwater Horizon: "Wanna stick around and see if the oil joins the Avengers?"
I guarantee you eyerolls aplenty. Use it in good health.
I was out shopping with my son to get him some new pants. We were browsing around to find his size, when one of the clerks comes over and asks, "How are you guys making out?"
To which I replied, "We're not making out. We're just shopping for pants."
This line or variations thereof always gives me a chuckle. Feel free to use it for yourself.
CEST le temps.
>Did you guys know that that's a very famous cemetary?
>Do you know why? Because people are just dying to get in!
People get so annoyed by the end of the trip.
