I was awed first time I saw the room full of computers and servers...

It was such a pristine LANscape.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
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My kid's uncle gave him an expensive t-shirt with an image of a koala bear smoking a joint on it. I thought it was really inappropriate, but I have to admit

that it's a high koala t-shirt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dream_Song14
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2021
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I was waiting on my food, when my waitress slipped on a wet spot in the dining room

The cook yelled from the back β€œsorry for the long wait times, but our server is currently down”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dixxxonbutts
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2022
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They gave me a fork because I'm not Chinese.
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
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Dress code
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/luccebest1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2018
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My dad banned me from saying "Hell", so I asked: "Have you thought of any alternative names for hell?"

He said: "I heaven't"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/getroastednibba
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2018
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Every time at the same restaurant....

This actually isn't my dad, but a friend's dad. We've all gone out to eat before, and at this specific restaurant, when you order ribs, they bring you out a bowl of hot water that has a lemon in it with a towelette to clean your hands with. And they always bring it out right before the ribs. Sooooo....every single time, my friend's dad will feign surprise and let out a shocking, "What?? I didn't order lemon soup!!" very loudly. Then he just chuckles to himself.

I think he has done it to every single server multiple times.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrbubbamac
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2013
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A rabbi’s car broke down

He had to walk ten miles north to the nearest town. By the time he arrived he was famished, so he ran to the nearest diner and asked for the quickest meal possible. The server arrives and gives him a plate that was meant for a delivery, the rabbi eats most of the food and after he’s finished he realizes he didn’t know what he ate. Scared, he asks the server β€œIs this pork?” The server says β€œNo, iss lamb.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WavesNVibrations
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2021
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Remotely Yours

So we had this issue yesterday where secure shell commands were failing from our newly enabled backup system to a downstream application.

I logged in manually using the correct credentials to confirm the keys were fine, but I noticed it was the first time in known hosts, so i typed β€œyes” to put the entry in and figured that would fix it.

When the problem came back today, I was surprised at first, but then it hit me...

Same ssh -t different server...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KCandIO
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
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You know those silly hacker movies where they're hacking so hard they type on two keyboards at once?

Such blatant stereo-typing

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shelvac2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2016
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[Meta] The real purpose of dad jokes

Back in the before times, when sit-down restaurants existed, I used to order boneless cheese sticks and would just throw the word "boneless" in front of any appetizer with 100% corniness. The purpose of this isn't to make a good joke. It's not a good joke. The purpose is to make my dining companions catch some cringe splash damage and want to crawl into a hole and die out of embarrassment for my being horribly corny.

But there is a real, deeper purpose that I've discovered entirely by accident. People, especially young people, are so self-conscious and worried about saying or doing something embarrassing that it taints a lot of social gatherings. They go to a restaurant and are afraid to speak up even when their order is blatantly wrong. They'll tip well even when the food took an hour to arrive and the server has disappeared into the corn stalks behind a baseball field. It takes 2 hours of hanging out together before some friends finally stop nitpicking themselves, uncomfortable in their own bodies and brains, feeling perpetually judged, and begin to relax. These are the kinds of people who go to sleep every night replaying cringey moments from high school. Their last thought of the day is when the Burger King girl said, "Enjoy your meal!" and they said, "Thanks, you too."

It takes 2 hours and/or a lot of booze before they're comfortable enough to take conversational risks and truly reveal themselves. But if I come right out of the gate with a really dumb joke, then we can cut to the chase. There's less danger because someone in the group already shot themselves in the foot, right off the bat. They pulled a pin on the cringe grenade and then jumped on it.

You cringe at my dumb joke and then we're over the hump. Someone has already done something pretty stupid, so go ahead and order the hubcap of nachos and a massive chocolate shake because nobody is going to judge you poorly while they're all judging me.

In terms of price negotiations (haggling), there is a psychological concept called "anchoring". You throw out the first number and all subsequent numbers are compared to that number. This is the same idea. We've already set the humor standard pretty low at "boneless cheese sticks", so you can say the dumbest shit you want and, as long as it's not worse than my cheesy joke, it won't matter.

This is why, when you were a teenager and your dad took you and some friends out, your dad made corny jokes. He knew they were corny jokes. You and your friends un

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Permatato
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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We also went to restaurants

"Hi. My name is Robert if you need anything."
"Great. What's your name if we don't need anything?"

Robert: "Would you like more soda, sir?"
Dad: "Yes. Please."
Robert takes the glass and walks away to refill it.
Dad: "That's less soda, not more!"

Me: "Let's get more [tortilla] chips."
Dad smashes the last chip into hundreds of pieces. "There. More chips."

Edit: When the lights in the restaurant are dimmed.
Dad: Uh oh! Prices just went up!
(Who ordered the ambiance?)

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/damitws6
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2013
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My dad at a restaurant. He's done this ever since I can remember.

If I go out to eat with my dad and we have any leftovers, I know every time what's going to happen.

Waiter/Waitress: "You want a box for that?" (Sounds like "You wanna box for that?")

Dad: Raises fists into traditional boxing pose "I think I can take you."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nraws
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2013
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I got dad joked while at work and quickly countered with one of my own.

I'm a server at a restaurant part time, and the other week I was serving a table of around 8 people. I went over to check on them and see if anyone was done so I could clear their plates. They said they weren't done...

Me - Okay I was just checking, I don't want you to think I'm rushin you.

The dad - Yeah I don't think anybody here is Russian.

Me - Yeah but is anyone Finnish?

The whole table busted out laughing. I walked away satisfied and was also left a handsome tip.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/atticuskraft
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2014
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Grandad joke: paying at a restaurant

After receiving the bill at a restaurant, my grandpa would put his BC Care Card face down so that all you could see was the magnetic stripe.

After trying to run it through a few times, the server would flip the card over and realize his "mistake".

The server would return to the table, embarrassed for this senile old man, and explain that he gave her his Care Card by mistake.

My grandpa would then wink and say "I just wanted to show you I Care."

πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calikka
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2013
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My dad always pulls this one in restaurants

Waiter/waitress approaches, and they politely say, "Hi my name is (name) and I'll be your server today." My father always responds with, "Hi (name), my name is (my father's name) and I'll be eating here today!" Every time, he never fails to say it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mch2867
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2016
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My dad's arsenal of DadJokes.

If someone asks him if he is alright:

"No, I'm half left too!"


At a restaurant:

Server: "Hi, My name is Julie, I'll be taking care of you today"

Dad: "Hi, My name is Cane-Dewey's Dad, I'll be sitting here today"


Someone asks him: "How are you?"

Dad: "If I was any better, I'd be twins!"


And that's about it. That's his arsenal. I've heard these a million times at this point, and they are just now starting to get funny.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cane-Dewey
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2014
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My grandpa in the line of Furr's

Grandpa: Yes ma'am I'd like the baked fish please Server: trying to scoop up fish but keeps dropping it Grandpa: The fish just aren't biting today are they! Server: fish breaks in half this time when she drops it Grandpa: Guess we'll have to throw that one back!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jacobjrr
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2013
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My dads all time favorite

Whenever we're going somewhere that requires a substantial amount of driving time (at least two hours) my family stops at a McDonalds or something for food. My dad will always order a coffee and be a little unclear about his order so the server will have to ask if he wants sugar in his coffee to which he will reply "no thanks, I'm sweet enough".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Admiral_Thrashbar
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2014
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