Serious girl at work made a good one this morning
Before the meeting, we were talking about TVs and the convo went like this:
Me: Do you have a smart TV? Most of them have those streaming apps already installed.
Coworker: Nah, it's an ancient SmartTV. It's as smart as Forrest Gump.
Serious Coworker: Hey, that means it runs well.
My coworker and I: "...Nice."
My fiance had a girls day with her sister at the art museum today, and sent me this.
Fiance: "I would take you to an art museum too. But then i couldn't hold your hand"
Me: "Why couldn't you hold my hand?"
Fiance: "Because i'm not allowed to touch the art"
She got me good.
so i asked this emo girl if she ever gets jealous at her phone
My preschooler hit me with this one today: Why did the girl bring a tool kit to her room?
Someone told her to make her bed!
I'm seeing this girl and I think she's okay but I am far more interested in her Ikea furniture.
I'm in love with Stacy's MALM.
Told this girl I missed her, and she replied with "ohh". Guys, what zone is this?
I had to break up with this girl who just would not stop counting.
I wonder what she’s up to now.
If your girl looks like this shes a keeper
Boy cheats on Girl. Angered by this, Girl throws bread at Boy.
This girl I like told me I'm golden just now
This may not be the place to post this but I’m heartbroken that my girl broke up with me due to her hallucinations.
We’d be the only people in a room and she’d tell me that she’s seeing somebody else.
I ran into this vegan girl who said she knew me
I had to tell her I'd never met herbivore.
So, I took this Liverpool (UK) girl out to a vegetarian restaurant
I said, “Do you like avocado?”
She said, “No, I aven’t even passed me driving test yet”
Went out last night and scored with this girl really easily
Guess she just wasn’t a keeper
This girl on Tinder asked me why I have an unlit cigarette in my picture... I told her I’m just looking for matches.
I went out with a girl the other night, she wore this real slinky dress...
She looked great going down the stairs.
"Have you ever done anything good?" St. Peter asked a guy when he showed up at the Pearly Gates. "To protect a young girl I punched the leader of a motorcycle gang, kicked his bike over, and told them all to back off!" said the man. St. Peter was impressed, "When did you do this?"
"Oh, just a couple of minutes ago."
Me: I me this girl with a dozen breasts My friend: that sounds strange...
I told this girl I was talking to that I like to race cars, she asked me if I win often
I said no, the cars are much faster
More stock photo puns from this silly site😃😃 Is that the girl from distracted boyfriend?
[ Removed by reddit in response to a copyright notice. ]
Remember boys, if your girl looks like this, she's a kiefer.
I found this on my girl's dress, and she told me to post a thread on Reddit. She's so punny.
I heard this girl talking about how much she hates stalkers.
I nearly fell out of my tree.
Rick Harris hooked up with this girl using his brother Neil's pick-up line...
The questions is, will Neil Patrick Harris on the back?
I know this obnoxious girl named Ann
She’s a really big Ann-oyance!
I was driving this girl to her house and told her that I wasn't good with directions, she laugh at me...
So I just right her left there.
Got my girl to roll her eyes with this one at the fair.
There were costumed food characters on stage in a cooking demonstration at the fair we were at (ice cream, churro, orange, and really round corn on the cob).
As the corn character was introduced, I turned to my girlfriend and said, "Aww shucks, that corn is a little husky."
The immediate look of disdain and the eye roll from her is my reason for living.
I stole this girl's heart
I was arrested shortly after for murder
I want to tell you all about this girl who only eats plants...
You’ve probably never heard of herbivore.
I knew this girl who wanted bigger boobs, but couldn't afford proper implants, so she had her uncle make her a false set out of pine.Would be great if I had a punchline to go with that though,
Would be great if I had a punchline to go with that though, wooden tit?
(fairly certain this is original) I'm out to eat with my girl and the server tells us to scan the barcode on the table to see the menu.
After taking our order and asking if we want anything else, I point at my phone and ask if she can leave us a menu just in case.
I think I wrote my first dad joke original on something new to this changing world!
I have officially become my father with this dadjoke (I'm a girl).
I was at an Arabic-themed pop-up bar with some friends last weekend, where all the drinks were named for places and things relating to the Arab world, etc. Everyone's favorite drink was a punch called "Fuck ISIS" (which was delicious), and I said "Wow, a punch named for a current event... I guess one could call it... topical punch."
Ba-dum psh.
I've been talking to this vegan girl but I don't think we will ever work out...
She keeps refusing to meat up.
So I wanted to ask this cross-eyed girl out
She said "Sorry, I'm seeing someone else"
This girl came up to me today and said she recognised me from the vegetarian club...
I was confused because I'd never met herbivore.
I dated this girl for a while but I broke up with her because she was crazy...
She kept saying things like, "Stop calling me Laurel. My name is clearly Laurel." I'm going to miss that pretty blue dress that she always wore, though.
I met this girl at the vegan restaurant who said she knew me.
But I never met herbivore.
This girl came up to me today and said she recognized me from Vegetarian Club.
I was a bit confused, seeing how I'd never met herbivore.
this girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club
but i've never met herbivore
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