Correct me if Iβm wrong, but due to the ongoing pandemic, would it be smart to stay at least 6ft away from the chips and dip when visiting a Mexican restaurant?
You know, Salsa Distancing.
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︎ Feb 24 2021
I visited the birth place of the guy who invented the toothbrush.
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︎ Feb 01 2021
When visiting France, one has to go to the structure that allows sufficient observation to discover more than enough to be satisfied.
Oui, a visit to the Eyeful Tower is always recommended when vacationing in France.
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︎ Mar 20 2021
I visited my retired parents the other day. They said they wanted some change in their lives.
I gave them two quarters, three nickels and a penny.
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︎ Mar 02 2021
I visited a monastery the other day and as I walked past the kitchen I saw a man frying chips. I asked him "Are you the friar?"
He replied "No, I'm the chip monk..."
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︎ Dec 12 2020
What did Austin Powers say when he visited the apiary?
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︎ Feb 22 2021
When you visit Boston, what do the street magicians and fish wives have in common?
They will both insist that you βpick a codβ
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︎ Feb 12 2021
A guyβs Mom comes to visit him at his job at the aquarium where she finds him feeding a baby dolphin. She says look at you, you were smart. You could have had a real job, really done some good for the world. Her son snapped back,...
Hey, my job serves a youthful porpoise!
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︎ Feb 13 2021
I met my boyfriend while visiting the zoo. There he was, in his uniform...
straightaway I knew he was a keeper
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︎ Jun 09 2020
The family wanted to visit some caverns.
I didnβt want to go, but eventually I caved.
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︎ Dec 30 2020
I visited a monastery and as I walked past the kitchen I saw a man frying chips...
'Are you the friar? ' I asked him.
'No, I am the chip monk' he replied.
Edit : Holy crap ! More than 1K updoots for a silly joke ? Thanks guys ! I am not sure whether to be proud or ashamed of myself.
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︎ Jul 21 2020
My wife and I are finally fulfilling my lifelong dream of visiting The Golden Gate in person.
She said, βWhat would you do when you finally see it?β
I said, βIβll cross the bridge when I get there.β
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︎ Dec 06 2020
Why haven't the aliens visited earth yet?
They read the reviews... only one star
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︎ Sep 30 2020
What's the best time to visit a watchmaker?
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︎ Dec 27 2020
I went to visit my friend at the hospital, and the only parking spot I found was in the C section.
I had to climb out of the sunroof.
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︎ Nov 21 2020
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
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︎ Oct 15 2020
My brother, whoβs a cowboy, always sits on the stove when he visits us.
He says that it makes him feel more at home... on the range.
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︎ Nov 16 2020
What did the student say after visiting the Thomas Edison Museum?
I enjoyed being enlightened
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︎ Sep 04 2020
I just went to go visit my late grandmother buried in the cemetery, but when I went there I found her dancing!
It was quite the Plot Twist
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︎ Oct 07 2020
Once upon a time when I visited the dentist........
Doctor: What's the problem?
Me: I'm a moth.
Doctor: Excuse me?
Me: I'm a moth.
Doctor: Maybe you should see a psychiatrist not a dentist.
Me: I went to the psychiatrist about an hour ago.
Doctor: Then what are you doing here?
Me: Your light was on.
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︎ Sep 19 2020
Just what is it about all the Psychics that I visit, they're either totally depressed or too excitable..
..it's really hard to find the happy Medium.
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︎ Aug 24 2020
My wife can't function unless she visits the chiropractor...
I'm afraid she is addicted to crack.
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︎ Jul 18 2020
I've visited all the Italian chapels, from first to last. My favourite was the
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︎ Sep 25 2020
If you are visiting Rome, be forewarned: it might take you a long time to get out of the city.
All their roads seem to have this weird design flaw.
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︎ Sep 08 2020
After the borders reopen I am going to visit Greenwich, England!!!
There is a lot that I want to accomplish in The Mean Time!!
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︎ Sep 07 2020
Why did the paladin have to visit the tire shop after killing an innocent bystander?
Because he was out of alignment.
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︎ Sep 05 2020
I had to reschedule a work meeting today to bring my son to the orthodontist. My coworker said she was thinking the same thing because she has to visit the dentist.
I told her that was quite coinciDENTAL.
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︎ Sep 09 2020
I work with a small town search and rescue. We recently had a guy visiting from the big city to do some kayaking on the river.
He doesn't know the area and gets himself lost. All he does know is that there are a lot of grizzly bears roaming around during the salmon spawn this time of year, so he's quite afraid to get out of his kayak.
The temperature starts to drop. He needs to stay warm, and decides to build a fire inside his little boat on the river.
He learnt a valuable lesson that night: you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
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︎ Aug 17 2020
Dora and Diego visit the North West in winter
Dora and Diego travel to the Pacific Northwest in the middle of winter. Suddenly they realise that there is a problem with their car, so they quickly pull into a nearby garage. The mechanic comes out and asks them "so what's wrong with your car?" Dora replies:
"Wiper no Wiping!!"
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︎ Aug 22 2020
What's the place people want to visit the most?
The graveyard people are just dying to go there
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︎ Aug 06 2020
Why did Odysseus visit the marijuana dispensary?
He was sailing for Indica
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︎ Jul 18 2020
Visiting my parents for the first time since COVID. He has taken up cropdusting people and proclaiming, "Surprise health check." To make sure you can smell and/or taste still.
Sorry not a witty one-liner but peak of dad humor.
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︎ Aug 15 2020
I had a really disappointing visit to the zoo. They only had one animal, and that was only a dog.
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︎ Jul 22 2020
I visited the doctor today and he told me my sugar was too high.
So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.
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︎ Jan 26 2020
When is the best time to visit the dentist?
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︎ Apr 12 2020
Every time I visit my Dad in St. Louis, he walks into the room looking depressed until whatever girl I've brought home for the holidays asks what's wrong...
His reply: "Oh, I live in a state of Missouri."
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︎ Jun 03 2020
I just figured out why I enjoy visiting the mint.
To me, it just makes cents.
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︎ Jun 24 2020
My earliest childhood memory is visiting the eye doctor and getting my glasses.
Life before that was a blur.
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︎ Oct 07 2018
Loosing weight using the internet is so damn difficult. Like every weightloss website I visit,
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︎ Feb 29 2020
How do Egyptians maintain their posture?
Regular visits to the Cairo-practor.
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︎ Mar 20 2021
Napoleon was visiting a friend at his new estate. The friends great pride was his lavatory which was a big room with pottet plants, beautiful tapestries and carpets. When Napoleon saw this he was gobsmacked and exclaimed "What a loo!"
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︎ Mar 23 2020
Iβll never forget my first visit to the rodeo.
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︎ Apr 18 2020
I don't like visiting the queen when I'm a knight
She always disappoints me.
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︎ Apr 15 2020
I was visiting my pregnant friend at the hospital, and the only parking spot I could find was in the C section.
I had to climb out of the sunroof.
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︎ May 27 2020
Every time I visit my dad in St. Louis, he will walk into a room looking depressed until whatever girl I've brought home for the holidays asks what's wrong.
His reply: "Oh, I live in a state of Missouri."
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︎ Jul 26 2017
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