A man walks into a bar with a small newt on his shoulder. The bartender said, “What an interesting pet. What’s his name?” “Tiny,” the man replied. The bartender said, “That’s an odd name. Why did you call him Tiny?”
Did you hear about the tiny frog that took a DNA test?
Turns out he was mostly German, a little bit Scottish, somewhat Italian, and a tad Pole.
I went to the ER because there were tiny horses in my ass.
The attending physician said my condition was serious butt stable.
Why was the tiny ghost asked to join the Super Bowl football team?
Answer: >!They needed a little team spirit.!<
A guy walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The bartenders like “oh what an interesting companion you have there. What’s his name?” And the guys like “Tiny” and the Bartenders like “Whyd you name him that?”
He responds with “because he’s My Newt”
It's the holiday where we mince a pig into tiny bits.
How did I win the tiny lizard competition?
Why did the tiny pepper wear a light sweater?
Because it was a little chili.
I went to the pet shop and bought a small lizard and named it Tiny.
Villager 1: Flee for your lives! The mad scientist in the castle turned a tiny lizard into a monster that's destroying everything in its path!
Villager 2: Meh, why bother. We're doomed from the gecko.
What did the big flower say to the tiny flower?
Old Martha had been a cashier a the tiny little local grocery store for thirty years.
She knew all her customer's names, and they all knew and loved her.
Unfortunately her husband passed away and she took it hard. So hard in fact that she took to the bottle. So badly her work began to suffer.
It got to the point that the store owner realized he had to take action. Reluctantly he called her into his office one Friday.
"Martha, I know you've been here a long time but I'm going to have to let you go."
Martha was taken aback "But why?"
"Because checkers can't be boozers"
Why did the tiny fruit farmer move to Minnesota?
How did the pet goldfish blow up the tiny castle?
Did you hear about the tiny wood carver?
He's just a whittle guy.
My first post. Thought of this a week ago. Hope it's not a repeat.
What did the doctor give his patient who was feeling pain at the sight of a tiny fish’s flipper?
Did you guys hear about the tiny psychic that escaped from prison?
It’s a small medium at large.
My friend called me in a panic and shouted, “An evil wizard turned me into a tiny harp! I don’t know what to do!” Frantically, I drove all the way to his house only to find out...
...he’s really a big lyre.
What do you call a couch potato watching a tiny TV from across the room?
What’s the best way to cut a tiny pizza?
One time the police kicked me out of a big niche event that was displaying figurines for tiny toy towns, and the most fashionable clothes from up and coming designers. The police said “you don’t belong here” and I said “why don’t I belong here” and they said
Because you’re not a model citizen.
My first car was really slow and tiny, so I painted the letter s all over it.
Then, when I drove through town, people would always say, "hey, look at that little escargot!"
I went to the park the other day and saw a guy flying one of those tiny RC quadcopters.
I asked him about it and that was a mistake.
He just kept droning on and on!
You ever see those blimps with the display screen made of thousands of tiny lights?
Proof that a LED balloon can fly...
Despite being tiny, the Republic of Ireland has the capital city with the highest population growth in the world...
What do you call tiny dead crustaceans on the highway?
Roadkrill.
(My eight-year-old came up with this one all on his own.)
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
You want the names of the tiny shrimp secret agents?
Sure, I could tell you...but then I’d have to krill you.
What did the teeny tiny blanket have over the large quilt?
What’s tiny and can be found on the beach?
I've just got some new glasses, and when I first put them on, I could see tiny little people with wings at the end of the garden. I rang my optician to report the problem, but he said it was completely normal with these glasses...
Did you hear about the spies who planted tiny microphones inside a box of tic-tacs?
Did you hear about the guy who makes comics out of tiny colourful plastic discs?
He is a sequintial artist.
My math teacher walked into the classroom, wrote a tiny number "7" on the board, then walked back out again.
I thought, that's a little odd.
I went to the library to get the new book about tiny penises
Librarian said 'I don't think it's in yet'
I said 'that's the one'
An accident at the local miniature horse factory caused a tiny horse to get stuck on a worker's rectum.
Doctors describe his condition as(s) stable.
In France, when the honey bee revolution began they broke out a tiny little guillotine for the Queen...but she laughed in their faces.
No matter how much they tried, the guillotine wouldn't work. When the chief executioner examined the situation it was clear why, she had already been "bee-headed"
In the summer, I earn money by sprinkling tiny drops of water every morning on the front yards of rich people.
I don’t earn much, but I make dew.
What are the tiny sacs in an Italian Man’s lungs called?
I asked my dad what he thought about the tiny seagull that robbed the liquor store....
He said it was “a-wee-gull”
What did the big flower say to the tiny flower?
Why did the football team recruit a tiny ghost?
They were looking for a little team spirit!
My friend called me in a panic and shouted, “An evil wizard turned me into a tiny harp! I don’t know what to do!” Frantically, I drove all the way to his house only to find out...
...he’s really a big lyre.
Did you hear about the tiny fortune teller that escaped from jail?
It’s a small medium at large
Why did the tiny ghost join the football team?
He heard they needed a little team spirit.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
