The Talk Puns

A list of puns related to "The Talk"

If animals could talk, who would be the best listener?

A sloth, he couldn’t get a word in.

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👤︎ u/_Bov
📅︎ Dec 05 2021
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I needed to get away from the city so I visited my grandpa, who is a rancher. We were tending to the cows and I told him I needed advice. He said that we'll talk later, but then turned away and said, "get a long little doggie."

I've been so happy with my dachshund. Best advice ever.

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👤︎ u/bacon_without_cause
📅︎ Dec 02 2021
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If you get locked out, talk to the lock calmly

Communication is the key

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👤︎ u/beReal78
📅︎ Sep 14 2021
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I was trying to build a table but the instructions led me astray. I’d love to talk with the person who wrote them…

But I don’t think we share a common language.

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👤︎ u/EpicWinterWolf
📅︎ Dec 20 2021
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Lesser known knights of the Round Table include the knight who would talk Internet stuffs out loud:

Sir I

and some of the others:

- The knight who cooks steaks the best: Sir Loin

- The knight who is always confident: Sir Tain

- The knight who charges you extra on top of the original price every time: Sir Charge

- The knight who operates on other knights after every battle: Sir Geon

- The knight who didn't take many chances: Sir Cumspect

- The knight who has the loudest battle cry: Sir En

- The knight who was afraid to fight: Sir Render

- The unbelievable knight: Sir Real

- The knights were so large that they sat around the a table by themselves: Sir Round and Sir Cumference

- The undercover knight: Sir Vallence

- The knight who came to an untimely end: Sir Cease

- The knight who never got killed in battle: Sir Vivor

- The knight who always guessed right: Sir Miser

- The knight who exceeded expectations: Sir Past

- The knight who overcame obstacles: Sir Mount

- The knight who showed up unexpectedly: Sir Prise

- The knight who funded the castle's operations: Sir Tax

- The knight who kept the kingdom maps up to date: Sir Veyor

- The knight who drank too much: Sir Rhosis

- The knight who always called on as the first substitute: Sir Rogate

- The knight who is the most outstanding knight: Sir Perb

- The hardest knight of them all: Sir Amic

- The knight who was most at home in a 3-ring castle: Sir Cus

- The saddest knight: Sir Rowful

- The extra knights: Sir Perfluous and Sir Penumerary

- The dancing knight (who was a cousin to Sir Lancelot) : Sir Prance Alot

- The one who also known as the Knight of Scales, Fangs, and Coils: Sir Pent

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👤︎ u/OneHourRetiring
📅︎ Oct 21 2021
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When I meet new people, I like to talk about the Titanic

It makes a great icebreaker

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👤︎ u/callmefinny
📅︎ Sep 26 2021
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It's a shame they never talk about the sister of the Marx Brothers who was always pregnant?

Everyone always forgets about Stretcho.

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👤︎ u/Mantzy81
📅︎ Nov 27 2021
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There's so many bad puns on this sub' it's making me just feel numb, and don't talk about the math ones..

..they make me feel even number.

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👤︎ u/yomommafool
📅︎ Oct 31 2021
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My teammates are so insensitive. The other day we were in a zoom meeting and I started talk, and one of them yelled "You're On-Mute"

I nearly burst into tears. We've been working together for several years and she still doesn't know my name is Stan.

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👤︎ u/professorf
📅︎ Nov 10 2021
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When people talk about "goths" they're mostly referring to the Visigoths.

The Invisigoths are much more rarely seen.

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👤︎ u/nemo_sum
📅︎ Oct 21 2021
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We went to pick up our curbside grocery order, and the lady placing the bags in our trunk saw my son in his rear facing car seat. She said, "Oh my gosh, he's so cute! What's his name? Is he walking? Can he talk?"

I replied, "Those are pretty strange guesses. But no, his name is Raymond."

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👤︎ u/joshjoshfitzfitz
📅︎ Aug 25 2021
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Guys guys, guess what? I can talk to the dead!

Never had one talk back though.

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👤︎ u/Calthropstu
📅︎ Aug 15 2021
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The first rule of mime club is you don’t talk about mime club.
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👤︎ u/Toe-knail
📅︎ Jun 30 2021
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What do you call someone who is vertically challenged, has escaped from prison and can talk to the dead?

A small medium at large.

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👤︎ u/Brieannala
📅︎ Aug 15 2021
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Why didn't any of the soap bottles talk to the shower sponge in the shower?

He was quite aloof-a

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👤︎ u/this_my_lurk_account
📅︎ Jul 07 2021
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Did you hear about the dyslexic that wasn't allowed to talk about his genes?

No one could touch his NDA.

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👤︎ u/N11Ordo
📅︎ May 11 2021
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I saw a comedy sketch on how people from around the country talk differently.

It was an accent piece.

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👤︎ u/Ontoforever
📅︎ May 01 2021
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There was a civil war at the North Pole once, but the elves don't talk about it much...

It was a cold war. Also a short war, with little casualties.

It lasted six months. The truce came after the elves realized they'd wasted the whole day fighting.

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👤︎ u/AlliedSalad
📅︎ Apr 08 2021
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Even the trees talk
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👤︎ u/kimbermall
📅︎ Feb 12 2021
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Tae Kwon Donkey (The Ass that kicks back) And Crab Maga (The Krav Maga crab that doesn’t just talk crab, he backs it up). Figured this community of punsters would appreciate the universe we are creating on Patreon. reddit.com/gallery/lgzbtq
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👤︎ u/KicksandStrings
📅︎ Feb 10 2021
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I've heard so much about the "Eye Of The Tiger", but how come no one talks about…

…the other four letters?

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👤︎ u/madazzahatter
📅︎ May 02 2020
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While people are talking about the presidential election, I don't talk immediately, because...

I'm Biden my time, until I can play my Trump card.

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👤︎ u/dawsonju
📅︎ Sep 23 2020
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What’s with all the talk about horny bugs in Washington D.C.?

I keep hearing about the capital insect erection.

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👤︎ u/Ukimeouch
📅︎ Jan 19 2021
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A husband and wife were at a marriage counselor. The wife complained, "he only talks about Star Wars! I've had it. I'm leaving him!" The counselor turned to the husband: "well?"

The husband looked at his wife and said, "divorce is strong with this one."

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👤︎ u/jfshay
📅︎ Nov 20 2020
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My kid wanted to talk to ghosts; we found three guys willing to intervene. One was very tall, one was very short and the other was mid-sized.

I chose the 3rd guy as he was the medium.

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👤︎ u/dwarvenfriend
📅︎ Jan 01 2021
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I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...

...It was a close call.

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👤︎ u/iLoveShowerThoughts
📅︎ Oct 17 2020
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With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.

I thought they'd be smaller.

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👤︎ u/pdarigan
📅︎ Dec 05 2020
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I finally went to talk to the super cute girl who works in the Egyptian super market.

Her: What can I do for you?

Me: I'm looking for a date.

Her: Oh, what kind of dates?

Me: Uhmm, just dinner and a movie :)

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👤︎ u/Gliscor_dude
📅︎ Jan 08 2021
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I had one of the first computers that could talk.....

But this one day, the computer wouldn't stop talking, so I went out and got a Zip drive.

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👤︎ u/dickcheney600
📅︎ Dec 15 2020
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Why did no one talk to the Cutless

Because it doesn’t go straight to the point

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👤︎ u/have_a_nice_day123
📅︎ Nov 18 2020
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Which cheese talks to itself in the mirror?

Haloumi

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👤︎ u/trigrex
📅︎ Oct 24 2020
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Everybody talks about the dark side of Reddit

I can't seem to find it.

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👤︎ u/aok76
📅︎ Oct 12 2020
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What do you call someone who can talk to the mail?

A parceltongue.

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👤︎ u/Tyrion_Lannister
📅︎ Sep 17 2020
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Something weird happened today. I went to talk to a friend, and he asked me to calculate arcsecant out of the blue.

He said "Gimme asec".

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👤︎ u/Pokefan713
📅︎ Sep 25 2020
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There's so many bad puns on this sub' it's making me just feel numb, and don't talk about the math ones..

..they make me feel even number.

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👤︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
📅︎ Apr 14 2021
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If you ever lock yourself out of your house, just talk to the lock calmly.

Because communication is key.

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👤︎ u/DGNOLA12
📅︎ Jan 18 2020
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If you ever get locked out of the house, talk to the lock calmly

Communication is key

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👤︎ u/havenotredditt
📅︎ Feb 16 2021
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If you ever get locked out of your house just talk to the lock.

Communication is key...

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👤︎ u/ThaCrimsonChinn
📅︎ Sep 27 2020
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If you ever get locked out of your home, sit down and talk to the lock calmly

Because communication is key

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👤︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
📅︎ Aug 10 2020
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If you ever get locked out of the house, just talk to the lock.

Communication is key.

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👤︎ u/Tinnber
📅︎ Sep 28 2020
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