I told my daughter, β€œGo to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.” Puzzled, she asked, β€œWhat’s that got to do with anything?” I chuckled, "Well, that means..."

"It’s pasture bedtime!”

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
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What did the man say when he found out the milk man was sleeping with his wife?

How dairy!

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tendiemancan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
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I started sleeping on the left side of the bed

It just doesn't feel right.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clouc1223
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
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THE OTHER DAY I WAS SLEEPING IN CLASS...

so my angry teacher shouted at me:

-Isabel, why are you sleeping in class?

-And I answerd:

-Sorry teacher. I really feel like a bike.

Then the teacher asked:

-What do you mean by that?

-I'm two tired.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joelcanciones
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
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Our neighbour's 6 year old son was sleeping in their house, I've seen it and called the Cops right away

Because it was a kidnap

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AmosArdnach_6152
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
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What is the worst part about sleeping like a log

You could end up in the fireplace when you wake up

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Golfcourseboi6969
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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I cut lumber for a living, but I keep sleeping on the job.

As you can tell, I'm a slumberjack.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SegavsCapcom
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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he's sleeping on the couch
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awildnyx
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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I once went on a date that ended with me and the girl sleeping together. After sex she lit a cigarette and told me me all about her hobby: collecting roadkill and pinning it to her wall. Well, there's no way I could see her after that...

Smoking is such a turn off.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slatersays22
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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My wife was surprised to hear that I actually enjoyed her punishment of making me sleeping on the sofa...

I said that it made me feel manly, like I was camping...

...with a really angry bear somewhere close by...

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2018
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Me: What should we do about the sleeping arrangements during our holiday? Her: I was thinking of...
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tnethacker
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
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People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Karma-Bot-Killer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
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I tried sleeping at the gym once

It didn’t workout

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hrvsjdufjfhd
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
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What did the cat say to her sleeping husband?

Get out of bed right meow

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πŸ‘€︎ u/benwholmesyeets
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
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was sleeping at my girlfriends place last night, her dad wouldn’t let us sleep in the same bed... It made me proper angry because he’s actually really handsome. reddit.com/r/teenagers/co…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FonnixFTW
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
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Alarm clocks are great but the snooze button was even better. Because after sleeping for eight hours, what I need...

...is a nap.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
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The Other Day I Made A Sleeping Schedule

I Think You Will Find Quite "In-To-Resting"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GamerZWorld_YT
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
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When you’re diurnal, the difference between sleeping and being awake is like

Night and day

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cavemanku
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
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I’ve been having problems sleeping recently. I asked my dad what to do and he told me to lie on the edge of my bed.

I’d soon drop off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AManInATopHat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
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If you see a child sleeping, don't hesitate to call the police.

You just witnessed a kid-napping

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2018
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I tend to give money to homeless people, who I find sleeping on the grass, on a winter morning.

I always give credit where it's dew.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
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Why did the Italian police officer aprehend a man sleeping on a park bench?

He was a-resting!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DankOfTheEndless
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2017
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What’s the best part about sleeping at the end of the world as we know it?

R.E.M.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thedoctor107653
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2018
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Sleeping with the Fishes: Necrophiliac's Ultimate Wet Dream

Cross post from /r/sixwordstories

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whygeorgia
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2017
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Did you hear about the pokeman trainer who was sleeping in the camping store at the shopping center?

Apparently he cot the mall.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ieGod
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
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Last night as I was sleeping I married the woman of my dreams.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr_John_Zoidbong
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2018
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What do you call a guy selling sleeping pills in the desert?

Mr. Sandman

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoutgut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2018
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I'm going to be sleeping on the sofa for this...

Wife was trying to feed our new born, and since it was via a C-section, the amount of milk being produced is minimal for the first week. Baby was cranky and some milk spilled and she got upset...

"Don't cry over spilled milk" - I said..

Also, told her I can now post the above to /r/dadjokes because I'm a dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/duniyadnd
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2016
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One of the main reasons I'm sleeping on an air mattress nowadays

Is due to inflation

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kopextacy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2016
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Did you hear the one about Sleeping Beauty?

It's a pretty tired joke.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NikkoE82
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2016
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I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?"

I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."

πŸ‘︎ 23k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArchipelagoMind
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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I said to my daughter "The cows are out sleeping in the field." She said "What's that got to do with anything? "

I said "It's pasture bedtime."

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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I told my daughter to go to bed because the cows are sleeping. She asked what’s that go to do with anything..

I said it’s because it’s pasture bedtime.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigBadMerman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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My wife was surprised to hear that I actually enjoyed her punishment of making me sleeping on the sofa. I said that it made me feel manly, like I was camping.

...with a really angry bear somewhere close by.

πŸ‘︎ 115
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
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If you see a child sleeping, don't hesitate to call the police.

You just witnessed a kid-napping

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2018
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Having trouble sleeping? Lie right on the edge of your bed.

You'll soon drop off.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2017
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