I told my daughter, βGo to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.β Puzzled, she asked, βWhatβs that got to do with anything?β I chuckled, "Well, that means..."
"Itβs pasture bedtime!β
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︎ Mar 26 2021
What did the man say when he found out the milk man was sleeping with his wife?
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︎ Feb 26 2021
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
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︎ Mar 07 2021
THE OTHER DAY I WAS SLEEPING IN CLASS...
so my angry teacher shouted at me:
-Isabel, why are you sleeping in class?
-And I answerd:
-Sorry teacher. I really feel like a bike.
Then the teacher asked:
-What do you mean by that?
-I'm two tired.
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︎ Mar 08 2021
Our neighbour's 6 year old son was sleeping in their house, I've seen it and called the Cops right away
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︎ Jan 29 2021
What is the worst part about sleeping like a log
You could end up in the fireplace when you wake up
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︎ Jan 15 2021
I cut lumber for a living, but I keep sleeping on the job.
As you can tell, I'm a slumberjack.
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︎ Nov 17 2020
he's sleeping on the couch
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︎ Jul 10 2020
I once went on a date that ended with me and the girl sleeping together. After sex she lit a cigarette and told me me all about her hobby: collecting roadkill and pinning it to her wall. Well, there's no way I could see her after that...
Smoking is such a turn off.
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︎ Sep 22 2020
My wife was surprised to hear that I actually enjoyed her punishment of making me sleeping on the sofa...
I said that it made me feel manly, like I was camping...
...with a really angry bear somewhere close by...
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︎ Jan 03 2018
Me: What should we do about the sleeping arrangements during our holiday? Her: I was thinking of...
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︎ Jan 02 2020
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
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︎ Nov 05 2019
I tried sleeping at the gym once
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︎ Jan 13 2020
What did the cat say to her sleeping husband?
Get out of bed right meow
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︎ Jan 24 2020
was sleeping at my girlfriends place last night, her dad wouldnβt let us sleep in the same bed... It made me proper angry because heβs actually really handsome.
reddit.com/r/teenagers/coβ¦
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︎ Apr 06 2019
Alarm clocks are great but the snooze button was even better. Because after sleeping for eight hours, what I need...
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︎ Jun 29 2019
The Other Day I Made A Sleeping Schedule
I Think You Will Find Quite "In-To-Resting"
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︎ May 31 2019
When youβre diurnal, the difference between sleeping and being awake is like
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︎ Mar 08 2019
Iβve been having problems sleeping recently. I asked my dad what to do and he told me to lie on the edge of my bed.
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︎ Apr 19 2019
If you see a child sleeping, don't hesitate to call the police.
You just witnessed a kid-napping
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︎ Feb 19 2018
I tend to give money to homeless people, who I find sleeping on the grass, on a winter morning.
I always give credit where it's dew.
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︎ Jan 08 2019
Why did the Italian police officer aprehend a man sleeping on a park bench?
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︎ Jul 09 2017
Whatβs the best part about sleeping at the end of the world as we know it?
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︎ Aug 02 2018
Sleeping with the Fishes: Necrophiliac's Ultimate Wet Dream
Cross post from /r/sixwordstories
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︎ Jul 31 2017
Did you hear about the pokeman trainer who was sleeping in the camping store at the shopping center?
Apparently he cot the mall.
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︎ Jun 09 2018
Last night as I was sleeping I married the woman of my dreams.
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︎ Apr 23 2018
What do you call a guy selling sleeping pills in the desert?
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︎ Apr 05 2018
I'm going to be sleeping on the sofa for this...
Wife was trying to feed our new born, and since it was via a C-section, the amount of milk being produced is minimal for the first week. Baby was cranky and some milk spilled and she got upset...
"Don't cry over spilled milk" - I said..
Also, told her I can now post the above to /r/dadjokes because I'm a dad.
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︎ Jan 23 2016
One of the main reasons I'm sleeping on an air mattress nowadays
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︎ Jul 08 2016
Did you hear the one about Sleeping Beauty?
It's a pretty tired joke.
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︎ Feb 17 2016
I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?"
I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."
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︎ Nov 15 2020
I said to my daughter "The cows are out sleeping in the field." She said "What's that got to do with anything? "
I said "It's pasture bedtime."
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︎ Jan 02 2021
I told my daughter to go to bed because the cows are sleeping. She asked whatβs that go to do with anything..
I said itβs because itβs pasture bedtime.
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︎ Dec 11 2020
My wife was surprised to hear that I actually enjoyed her punishment of making me sleeping on the sofa. I said that it made me feel manly, like I was camping.
...with a really angry bear somewhere close by.
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︎ May 31 2019
If you see a child sleeping, don't hesitate to call the police.
You just witnessed a kid-napping
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︎ Feb 19 2018
Having trouble sleeping? Lie right on the edge of your bed.
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︎ Nov 27 2017
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