The Rye Puns

It’s called, “My little Phony.”

I caught her in the rye. How'd she not think I was going to catch her in the rye?

Thatcher in the rye.

But the conversation went a rye.

The baker gave a rye smile.

20,000lb of frozen bread so clearly I'm loafing along and a gluten for punishment.

Bad puns are the yeast of my problems. This load takes me to the upper crust, but if I don't get it in on time I'm toast!

Sorry about my rye sense of humor...

I had to read him the rye-ot act

"What's the difference? Does it have a licence to mill?" It's an awful joke, but live and let rye.

But it's not the funniest: it doesn't have that rye sense of humor.

So I went to a bakery right. I wanted a cake for a friends party. When I asked for a red velvet (his fave) they said they didn’t have any. Well that kinda put me in a sour mood to be honest. One of the bakers pulled me aside and told me he could make one for me. This man really rose to the occasion and saved my day. He even cut the fee (It was the yeast they could do) and I didn’t rye about the wait. I mean if someone is baking you a cake personally I doughnut think you can complain. At the end of the day I got my cake and that was that.

The breadmaker replies "Yeah she truly is a rye or die kinda gal!"

I hope this is the proper venue for this post. If not, feel free to delete me.

This came from when I was doing production lighting. Every once in a while during concert setup the audio tech would need help with mic check. Now the "real" audio guys would always just stand there going "check check check one two". Me being not a real audio guy wanted to have more fun than that, so I would always do "pages" as if I was paging people. But I would use these assumed names. Here is a partial list of names I would use. If you look closely you might notice a familiar u/name or two.

Paging Mister Lobbla … Mister Bob Lobbla (from Arrested Development)

Paging Mister Vitoomey … Mister Lee Vitoomey

Paging Mister Frescoe … Mister Al Frescoe

Paging Miss Haivure … Miss Bee Haivure

Paging Miss Mitch … Miss Miranda Mitch (my random itch - from The Mick?)

Paging Miss Dactyl … Miss Tara Dactyl

Paging Miss Falactec … Miss Anna Falactec

Paging Miss Tonin … Miss Sarah Tonin

Paging Mister Zinette … Mister Ray Zinnette

Paging Mister Reader … Mister Chip Reader

Paging Miss Kiaki … Miss Sue Kiaki

Paging Mister Doffish … Mister Stan Doffish

Paging Mister Debank … Mister Robin Debank

Paging Mister Festo … Mister Manny Festo

Paging Mister Ifornia … Mister Cal Ifornia

Paging Mister Itosis … Mister Hal Itosis

Paging Mister Saroni … Mister Rye Saroni

Paging Mister Nasium … Mister Jim Nasium

Paging Mister Aroon … Mister Mac Aroon

Paging Miss Ester … Miss Polly Ester

Paging Miss Rexia … Miss Anna Rexia

Paging Mister Zapan … Mister Pete Zapan

Paging Mister Tenuff … Mister Jess Tenuff

Paging Miss Eous … Miss Elaine Eous

Paging Mister Aroni … Mister Mac Aroni

Paging Mister Preneur … Mister Andre Preneur

Paging Mister Cetera … Mister Ed Cetera

Paging Mr. Zapple … Mr. Adam Zapple

Paging Mr. Bino … Mr. Al Bino

Paging Miss Slapter … Miss Ida Slapter

Paging Miss Talia … Miss Jenna Talia

Paging Mr. Rafone … Mr. Mike Rafone

Paging Mr. Zark … Mr. Noah Zark

Paging Miss Yoki … Miss Carey Yoki

Paging Mr. Foolery … Mr. Tom Foolery

Paging Mr. Atric … Mr. Jerry Atric

Paging Mr. Duttank … Mr. Phillip Duttank

Paging Mr. Anoma … Mr. Mel Anoma

Paging Mister Jass … Mr. Hugh Jass

Paging Mr. Onella … Mr. Sam Onella

Paging Mr. Maphobe … Mr. Jer Maphobe

Paging Mr. Packa … Mr. Al Packa

Paging Mister Dente … Mister Al Dente

Paging Miss Conda … Miss Anna Conda

Paging Miss Sharalike … Miss Sharon Sharalike

Paging Miss Bellum … Miss Sarah Bellum

Paging Miss Mennopey … Miss

So a man walks into a library, he says to the librarian, “ uhh can I get Ham and Swiss on rye? The librarian says to the man, “Are you aware this is a library?” The man replies “ oh, my mistake. He then whispers “Can I get Ham and Swiss on rye?

It was a rye-fle.

My gun won first place in the county fair for being so attractive! It was an eyeful of a rye-fle!

I mean, you just 'knead' to listen to the number of bread puns I have, its the 'yeast' you could do. I can't 'wheat' to share them. If not, then 'rye' bother? All this time would have been 'spelt' for nothing. I 'batter' stop now. What, you thought 'oil' my puns were bread related? I'm afraid to say that's not 'white', but there's no need to be 'sourdough'.

Dad: Just Roll with it.

Kid: Hah. That’s some d-Rye humour!

Dad: What have I Raised...

Kid: The Yeast favourite kid on Reddit.

We were playing pool, and I was just about to shoot in the 8 to a pocket for an easy win.

Dad: Oh no... I'm wheat.

Me: Huh?

Dad: I'm rye... I'm sourdough....

Me: ??!

Dad: I'm toast!!

So, I'm about to eat breakfast at my parents. I ask what kind of bread everyone wants. My mom says, "I like the dill rye bread." My dad replies, "that's because it's made of dill dough!" And they both start laughing hysterically. My parents, ladies and gentlemen. 37 years together and she still finds him funny.

Last night at the bar though she swore she need that fine rye and gosling in her life. I was sure it would Drive her crazy. What Eva

I am a server and was waiting on a father and son. I ask the son if he'd like sourdough, wheat, or rye toast.

>Son: Wheat

>Dad: Really?

>Son: Why, what would you get?

>Dad: Rye

>Son: Rye?!

>Dad: Well, rye not?

This starts and ends at the local coffee shop I go to on the way to work. My cashier takes my order; sausage, egg & cheese with salt, pepper, ketchup and hot sauce, on toasted rye. She taps away for a moment on the iPad POS then looks up and says "and a name for the sandwich?" to which I quickly raise my chest and proclaim "Breakfast!". To this all 6 people in the shop, including the cashier started chuckling.

[drop mic]

I take my car to a German mechanic every once in awhile to get my car fixed, he's never changed his prices and always gets the job done properly and promptly. He also gives out free bread after every repair. I was having a conversation with my wife..

Wife: Where are you taking the car?

Me: To my usual mechanic

Wife: Where is that?

Me: The German guy

Wife: lol, the bread guy?

Me. Well yeah, he's the rye guy for the job.

Haven't heard from my wife for a few hours.

and said it came on the wrong bread.

I said aw it wasn't the rye one?

I bought a bottle of whiskey for our pastor and when my son saw it he said, "straight rye whiskey ... the true spirit of Christmas."

He's going to make a great dad someday.