My 11 yo son got out the car at school the other morning, right at the moment the gritter was driving by us spraying rock salt everywhere..
He got straight back in the car, looked at me with a completely serious face and said “I’ve just been assaulted”.
ETA: thank you so much for the awards, I showed him some (SOME!) of the comments 😂 and it made his day, he was delighted that people actually enjoyed his joke to even just upvote and comment on it but actually couldn’t believe that people actually awarded it too (“people gave Reddit awards to it?? For my joke?? Like, did they actually mum or are you just saying that?!” so yea, thank you kind Redditors for making my 11yo extremely happy! You guys are the best 😊
In the Irish army there is a sniper famous for eliminating targets by bouncing his shots off of rocks and other hard surfaces
What is Dwayne the Rock Johnson’s preferred drink when he’s feeling fancy?
Why did the coward suddenly feel brave after touching a big rock?
Because he felt a little boulder.
My grandfather used to play in a rock band called "The Hinges".
They usually opened for The Doors.
The Rock announces that he needs to pee
“Be right back, I’m going to drain The Rock’s johnson”
Snoop Dogg, The Rock and John Cena sit down at a bar for a drink.
The bartender says, what can I get you two gentlemen?
What happens when you throw a blue rock into the red sea?
Been to the Hawaii volcano national park? Heard they have solid rock formations.
What was the original type of rock'n'roll music?
I asked my friend why he wears protective clothing when working at the classic rock vinyl warehouse.
He said "Styx and the Stones may break my bones..."
Why did the big rock start going to the gym?
He wanted to get chiseled
My 10 year old while we’re talking about wrestling and I’m focused on driving: dad, do you know who’s stronger than the rock??
Took the long way around, but worked in a classic rock approach
Few people realize the reflective quality in cat eyes increases proportionately with the size of the cat. Because of this, cats in the Savanna are hunted for their eyes to use in various crafts and remedies. When game wardens are searching for poachers, they do it at night, following the glow of the removed organs. The Eagles even referenced it in a song, hence the line "you can't hide your lion eyes".
Have you heard of the Elf that sings rock & roll songs to screaming teens in Vegas?
My friend was elected as the new mayor of our town after the only other candidate died in a freak rock avalanche incident.
He won the election with a landslide victory.
What's the hardest part about taking care of a pet rock?
Making sure you don't take it for granite.
The laws around gay marriage are outdated. Two co-workers of mine, Mr. Rock and Mr. Melon, have been together for over 10 years
and they still cantaloupe.
I heard that The Rock has finally conquered his ultimate nemesis, and his greatest fear
He can now look at The Paper each day without flinching.
I was riding a donkey the other day when someone threw a rock at me and I fell off.
I guess I was stoned off my ass.
What was the name of the rock climber that could barely hold on?
What was the Chinese restaurant’s favorite 1980’s rock band?
What did the IT guy call his rock band?
Why wouldn’t the English rock fan eat the cookie after it got wet?
Because he just wasn’t interested in a Limp Biscuit.
Anyone watch the rock climbing event in the olympics this year?
It was a gripping performance.
Server asked me if I wanted my margarita on the rocks
I said no thanks you can just put it on the table
“I’ll have a double on the rocks.”
A time traveler walks into a bar.
I was at the beach and saw some kids throwing rocks at birds.
When I got closer I could hear them say "Leave no Tern unstoned!
What do you call a shaking space ship with the Rock in it? A Rock-it
You know who makes the best rock jokes
Why did the rock eat the hamburger?
My friend was on a hike and the trail was covered in rocks and boulders when he started feeling a sharp pain in his kidneys.
He started to feel better after he passed the first stone.
I’m voting for the Rock for president..
Did you hear about the lawsuit against the rock band U2?
The plaintiffs lost the case because their lawyer was pro Bono
What's the difference between a rock thrown at you and a crazy girlfriend?
It doesn't hurt when the rock misses you.
The Rock announced that he, his wife, and their 2 daughters have recovered from Covid.
They first suspected they had it when no one could smell what he was cooking.
I wanted to go rock-climbing on Saturday but my best friend hated the idea.
He made the whole day very anti- climb- atic.
The rock was cooking but forgot the ketchup.
Geologists know all the rocks, anthracite many from memory.
Why did Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson’s family get tested for COVID-19
They couldn’t smell what the rock was cooking.
Did you hear that a rock formation called Darwin's Arch collapsed in the Galapagos Islands?
Guess you could call that the work of Natural Selection!
Do you think anyone has ever slapped Dwayne Johnson on the butt and then proclaimed, "well I've hit rock bottom"
Edit: get consent people
"Mr. Rock, may I slap your behind for the sake of an amazing pun that the people will remember for years to come"
I once traveled to the Middle East, and suddenly, someone threw a rock at me.
Grizzly bear walks into a bar. Says to the bartender "i'll have a whiskey..................on the rocks, please" bartender asks "whats with the big pause?"
Grizzly looks perplexed and replies "Ive had them all my life"
I went to the rock-wall place but my debit card was declined, so I had to pay with the coins in my car’s center console.
It was my climb-it change.
There used to be a 1970s rock band called The Handles.
They used to open for The Doors.
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