The Pope Puns

Would it go pew pew?

“Go on Dopey! Ask him!” the other six cheered. “Excuse me Mr Pope…” Dopey said “…do you have churches in Antarctica?” “I believe we do…” replied the Pope. “Hahahaha he’s doing it! Go on Dopey ask him!” “Mr Pope…errr…do you have nuns in Antarctica?” said Dopey. “Hmm…” said the Pope, “…I believe we may have one or two…” “HAHAHAHA! GO ON DOPEY! ASK HIM! ASK HIM THE REAL QUESTION!” all six were shouting at Dopey. “What real question?” asks the Pope. “Errr…umm…Mr Pope…errr…do you have any dwarven nuns in Antarctica?” “No sorry,” replied the Pope, “I’m certain that we don’t have any dwarven nuns in Antarctica.” The other six were on the floor in fits of laughter singing “Dopey screwed a penguin! Dopey screwed a penguin!”

I think they were protestants.

Crossfit

But nothing’s set in stone yet.

Holy Diver!

four cheeses

Would it cause Mass Hysteria?

But he only uses papal

I guess he's a catholic.

A cat-holic.

One day, the Pope ended a sermon by blessing “tutti homini”, meaning “all mankind”.

Then a women’s rights group approached him that it was sexist to bless men but not women. So the Pope apologized and promised to make up for it.

The next day, he ended a sermon with an affirming message for women, and by blessing “tutti femini”.

Then, a gay rights group approached him and asked if they could get recognition in the sermon like women did. The Pope agreed, as equal rights were important to him.

The next day the Pope ended the sermon with an affirming message for homosexuals and blessing “tutti frutti”.

"By George, where did John Paul's ring go?"

because it’s so hole-y

He asks his driver on his way to the airport if he could drive around for a while because they have time to kill and he hasn't driven a car since becoming the pope.

Naturally, he's a bit rusty, so he's driving poorly, when suddenly he sees police lights behind him. He pulls over and when the officer comes up to the window his eyes go wide. He says to the pope "Hold on for a minute," and goes back to his car to radio the chief.

Cop: "Chief we have a situation. I've pulled over an important figure."

Chief: "How important? A governor or something?"

Cop: "No sir. He's bigger."

Chief: "So, what? a celebrity or something?"

Cop: "More important, sir."

Chief: "A major politician?"

Cop: "No sir, he's much more important."

Chief: "WELL WHO IS IT!?"

Cop: "Well actually I'm not sure. But the pope's his driver."

Papal

Cardinal

It’s a de-spin-sation.

He doesn't like to look down on the unemployed.

Because those are his vest mints.

[removed]

He was a blessing in disguise

Paypal

Pray-pal

Holy Shit

A holyday

He’s a cat-a-holic

Because it's holey....

Holy smokes!

He got it from one of the cardinals

The Batican

... Papal.com

He's always pontificating...

and the Imam says 'Why the wrong faith?'

He raised the Vatican urinals six inches.

Because they're his holey shoes

He uses a Papal towel.

Because he has a holy boat.

Sorry, baby is due in January and figured it's time I start working on my dad jokes

From the cardinal.

Cat-hedral

It's a place of warship.

...but he does get cross.

Because he's a catholic.

From the cardinal.