The peaches were allied with the lemons, and they had recently suffered grape losses from an ambush by the Apples.
So the peaches decided to ask their allies for help. The lord of the peaches called the king of the lemons and said “We need some lemon-aid.”
The lemons came to the aid of their allies, so the lord of the peaches thanked lemon king. “We a-peach-iate your help so much. You guys did a cherrific job! You’re my main squeeze. But we really need to start raisin our army production. Those apples have been fruitlessly working to plot our downfall.”
They were the fruits of her labor.
It was the pits.
...we can!
It was pittiful.
They're the pits.
These are The PieRates of the Caribbean
"What did you steal?" the judge asks
"A can of peaches," she replies.
"How many peaches were in the can?"
"Six," she answers
The judge says "then I'm sentencing you to six days in jail."
The woman's husband screams out "she also stole a can of peas."
The first amendment gives me the freedom to freeze peach!
It’s probably best that you didn’t, it’s pretty pitiful
I was telling my son how delicious fleshy fruits with pits are when he assured me that stone fruits are his favorites. I replied,
“Looks like I’m peaching to the choir “
(True story, happened last night at the grocery store)
Man-go away!
Just going around and loosening the bottom fruit of each pile so that the next customer would cause them to fall.
First, I did the oranges, then the peaches but I ended up loosening the apples a bit too much...
Caused an applelanche.
This is just one of my adventures in store.
She made it for the first time recently with a peach in the middle. I told her “I’ve eaten a number of these in my life but this is definitely the creme brulee creme.”
Proud of myself on that one.
Did you hear about the red-headed cookie that broke it’s leg?
Gingersnap
Did you hear about the cookie that quietly laughs at other cookies’ drawings?
Snickerdoodle
Did you hear about the dessert that got cast in the bakery’s reboot of Indiana Jones: The Temple of Doom?
Shortbread
Did you hear about the friends the zombies are making in heaven?
Angel food
Did you hear about the Mushroom Kingdom princess that abdicated the throne to pursue the shoe repair trade?
Peach cobbler
Did you hear about the 49th state in the Union legalizing recreational marijuana?
Baked Alaska
Did you hear about the Bavarian teacher that filled up her blackboard every day?
German chocolate
Did you hear about the hip New York hotspots for citrus fruits?
Lemon bars
Did you hear about the mother's sister that really likes her nieces and nephews?
Fondant
Did you hear about people wagering money on a boxing match in the Arctic between a heavyweight champ and raspberries?
Sherbet
James and the Giant Peach
One day Mario and Luigi were arguing with eachother after they came across a very unique ghost in their travels. See, this particular spirit had a permanent rain cloud above her head, leaving water wherever she went. Even more curiously, she permanently had her nose buried in a book!
Mario was adamant "No one's ever seen anything like this before. We should contact the librarians in Peaches Castle to document this."
But Luigi was infuriated and set out to prove his brother wrong. After many hours in the library, he threw a monsters compendium on the desk infront of his brother and exclaimed...
"Take a look.
Its in the book.
Its a reading Rain Boo."
The 1st amendment is the right to freeze peach.
A peach hobbler.
(This is an original as far as I can tell. Made it up years ago on a car ride across the US with the family. Kids are in college now but still enjoy it.)
The stonefruit was almost ready for harvest when he was hit with a bout of laryngitis that left him unable to talk. Despite the doctors orders for bed rest, he went into the orchard early one morning to find all of his mature peach trees had been stolen. He was peachless."
Peaches the gorilla escaped from the zoo, but when they got him back they had to change it because it turns out he had become an Ape Re-caught.
"We can do peanut butter with either peach preserves or honey," I told her.
"Honey, please!"
"That's fine," I thought, "the peach preserves are my jam anyway."
"Stone of a peach!"
Was a favorite of my Dad's. There are probably others that I can't recall. Share yours in the comments!
The other night, my wife made a fantastic peach pie. It was the best one she has been ever made (she even put my initials in it with a heart around it). As she was showing off her handiwork, the pie slipped out of the pan and splattered everywhere. The wife started crying, the kids started complaining. My 23 year old nephew walks into the room and looks at the ensuing chaos. He grabs a handful of the mush, eats it, and says to my wife, "I think the pie turned out just peachy."
The baker says, "Hello. What can I get you?"
"Yes, I'd like a p-p-p-p cobbler," the guy says while wringing his hands.
The baker looks at him confused, "I'm sorry, what type of cobbler?"
"A p-p-p-p cobbler," the guy says while starting to sweat.
The baker says, "Do you mean a peach cobbler?"
The guy smiles and nods his head, "Yes, that's what I meant. Sorry, I have peach impediment."
These are the pie-rates of the Caribbean.
Sadie goes to court for shoplifting. The judge says "what did you steal?" Sadie replies "a can of peaches" The judge says "how many peaches were in the can?" Sadie says "there were four." The judge says "well then you'll have to spend 4 days in lockup." Sadie's husband speaks up "she also stole a can of peas."
