Two drunk guys were fighting. One of them drew a line in the dirt, and said if the other crossed it they would punch them in the face.
Can one of the Mods please explain to me why my post was removed?
I'm really annoyed about this because now my fence has fallen over....
Why did only one letter of the alphabet get a Christmas present?
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
....and the second one Duplikate.
My Dad just said this one in the drive-thru not 2 minutes ago
First Window staffer, who takes the payment: "Hi, it's $7.30 (said like 'seven-thirty')
My Father: "No it's not, it's only 1 o' clock"
Prediction: There will be a minor Baby Boom in 9 months, and then one day in 2033 we will witness the rise of
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face".
A viking named Rudolph The Red was looking out his window one day
"Its going to rain soon" he said to his wife.
"How could you possibly know that?" She asked.
He simply replied,
"Because Rudolph The Red knows rain, dear."
Two atoms walk into a bar, one says to the other “Dang, I left my electrons in the car.” The other replies, “Are you sure?”
What do you call a person with one eye that's sad all the time?
How does one think the unthinkable?
I make Christmas wreaths for a living. So I decided I would make one out of 100 dollar bills the other day.
I call it a wreath of Franklin.
The only people to show up to my friend’s funeral were some of his one night stands and some friends from church.
What did one mountain say to the other after the earthquake?
What's the one month all soldiers hate?
Do you know why the French eat just one egg for breakfast?
Because in France, one egg is Un ouef.
What did the shoe say when he was the last one left alive?
“I guess I’m the sole survivor”
My dad gave me the golden dad joke medal for this one...
Me: You've heard of Murphy's Law, right?
Mum: Yeah.
Me: What is it?
Mum: It's to do with bad luck.
Me: Cool, have you heard of Cole's Law?
Mum: No. What is it?
Me: It's thinly sliced cabbage
Take it easy people. Pretty soon you'll be able to kiss and have sex with the one you love.
But for now, stay at home and do it with the one you're married to.
“I love my job!” exclaimed the farmer. “All you do is boss me around all day!” complained one of his sheep. “What did you say?” challenged the farmer. The sheep glared back and growled...
Did you hear the one about the guy who lost his hearing aids?
One sloth turned and said to the other, "I used to dislike moss...
...but now I think it's growing on me."
What did the man say when he got asked out by 10 women in one day?
Hear the one about the celebrity Italian chef
Last night he just pasta way
My son flushed one of his shoes down the toilet, stopping it up...
When geese are migrating they form a "V" shape, but do you know why one side is always longer than the other?
Because there are more geese on that side.
From my son: what did one eye say to the other eye?
Don't look now, but there's something between us that smells.
I've never been so proud
One day the Canadians will take over the world....
Then you'll all be sorry.
While replacing an electrical outlet, I accidentally stabbed myself with one of the wires.
And for a brief moment, I had a connection with the house.
Two cats are having a swimming race. One is called “One Two Three”, the other “Un Deux Trois”. Which cat won?
“One Two Three” because “Un Deux Trois” cat sank.
One of the earliest dates I went on with my Wife was a Blindfolded Archery lesson.
It wasn't our first date but was the one that stuck in my head.
What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
What did one video call tell to another on the beach?
Snoopy AKA Snoop dogg AKA the Red Baron has been spotted flying his Dogg house today. It is understood that he defeated his enemies in one fell snoop.
Gravity is one of the most fundamental forces in the universe
but if you remove it, you get gravy.
Top Dad Jokes list, some of the best ones:
One, ein, un, bat, ekab, moja, wahed, odin, yski
Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.
No one at my party was able to break the clown piñata.
All the letters of the alphabet walk into a bar. Why does only one of them get a drink?
Because the bartender keeps saying, “Can I get U anything?”
Anyone else here a fan of Fire Emblem? Because I CHROMposed some great puns of one of the main lords!
reddit.com/gallery/jy2d6n
I've never had an eggs benedict at a restaurant as good as the one I can make in my own kitchen.
There's no place like home for the hollandaise.
Why was the Monarch only one foot tall?
two cannibals are eating a clown, when one says to the other...
"does this taste funny to you?"
There's a rumour going around about two waves racing to the beach. Can you guess which one won?
When ducks fly in a V one side is always longer. Do you know the reason?
Why did the one-handed man cross the road?
To get to the second hand store.
The twelve days of Jokemas, day one
How much does a cracker weigh?
One graham
My one friend told me that even though I decorate the church for the holidays...
I probably shouldn't go around calling myself a proud cross dresser.
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
........and the second one DupliKate.
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